Well we got the rent paid but couldn't afford any food once again ~grins~  We also have two driving without tabs which comes to three hundred and eighty bucks.  My wife was driving around without tabs for seven months.  I didn't start driving the car until a week before I got my ticket.  The messed up thing is once I found out I was all over it like flies on shit!  I even told the cop I was on my way to do it.  Cops could have gotten Julie anytime in that seven months, but now we had to get two tickets within 3 days of her payday ~sighs~.

 

My friend Art talked me out of jumping from the car and beating the shit out of the officer.  I have Panic Disorder and a problem with false authority, so it wouldn't be the first time it has happened.  The officer was very professional despite my derogatory remarks about him, his wife and his lifestyle ~chuckles~.  I couldn't believe it.  I am glad Art talked me out of being a dumbass, but I seriously despise tyrannical authority, or Draconian Authority.  I even told the cop to take the ticket and shove it up his ass because I wasn't signing shit!  Then he told me that was a criminal offense,  at this point I reamed into him again.  He was a total prick!

 

One of the main reasons I know cops to be bullshit is because I use to slam dope with them in San Diego decades ago.  I no longer do meth or any other narcotic, including doctor prescribed.  Cops are no angels, they are flesh and blood just like us, they bleed the same, the love their family the same, but government gives them impunity over the people who pay their wages.  How many jobs could one get away with that?  We actually pay these ass clowns to do the direction of people making $100,000 or more a year.  What the fuck do they know about real life?!?!?

 

I have remained out of trouble for decades.  I have fallen in love and married my soulmate, who has never given up on me!  We have two beautiful children.  I have become a member of a community that helps each other.

 

When I stopped working in July, the money got very tight.  We made good money before I started getting sick from a disease that baffles doctors.  I also have another disease called Deep Vein Thrombosis.  I had my Greater Sapherous (?) taken out from my balls to my ankle because of blood clotting.  I have very little blood circulation in my legs, so we only make what my wife brings home, which is pretty damn good all things considered.  When I get my disability it will relieve some pressure from our financial woes.  I keep my house very nicely clean and ensure my family always have clean laundry.

 

I do not worry though because I know this is all part of something larger than myself and even those I love around me.  I do not show fear for myself.  I know where my soul lay when my body no longer works.  And do not fear the beggar hitchhiking on the side of the road.  I embrace them as God has instructed me, and do what I can to ease their pain a portion.  I have taken vows that I am not allowed to explain, for they can't alter the future and only create more pain and suffering.

 

I harken it to SplinterCell for definition.  I AM the one in the shadows who protects human existance but will never get credit for it ~smiles~.  The pain of knowledge only begins when sought for, and then rejected like some God Rejection those who know try and expel the inevitable from their mind.  Now Hell is known, because One who knows everything in the universe is capable of manipulating that fabric which is to humans the Universe.  It is Hell when one knows everything and is incapable of convincing another of God's Greatness ~smiles~ and energy for tapping into.

 

Just because one is paranoid, doesn't mean they aren't out to get you! ~grins~

Today I was taking a bus ride to my friends when an old friend named Star called me.  She had been living in Wyoming and California for a while, she decided to move back up here to Washington. She was staying two blocks from my other friend so I went and talked to her for about twenty minutes. We have always been good friends and Star is the only girlfriend of mine that my wife has liked. ~chuckles~

 

I have known Star for years.  She has no qualms about getting naked and that is one of the things I like about her.  She can stand there butt ass naked and tell a story without missing a beat.  I have walked in on her once or twice ~chuckles~ and she just doesn't care about such things.  I enjoy people who are so free with themselves that flesh is just an inconvenience to be overlooked.  Star is a great person to talk too.  She always has something to talk about and that can be refreshing at times.  Her daughter Echo is looking so much like her mom.

 

I guess Echo has been visiting with her dad lately because he has gotten out of the bad scene he was in.  I think it is good for a child to know their real father, unless he is a total loser that might harm the child.  I know star and she is very anal about who her kid is with.

 

You know how you have a friend whether the same sex or not that you can discuss anything, and I mean anything with?  That is the kind of friend Star is, but if you sleep with her your friendship would inevetably be destroyed.  Because she is a hard woman to live with but like I said.  She makes a really good friend.

 

I guess she doesn't even smoke pot anymore, but she still drinks mixed drinks ~smiles~.  She is on medications too so I can understand not wanting the Panic Disorder that can occasionally happen with bud depending on the mood you are in.

 

I am glad she has come back into My, and my family's life.  Good people are hard to find in this world of cynicisms, lies and alterior motives.

 

I told my wife that Star was back and she was very happy that they are doing well.  ~smiles~.  We use to take Star's daughter with us to the river and stuff like that, she was basically a part of the family.

 

So a day with good news is a good day indeed :0)

 

Love,

Adam

I was all done with my housework by 10:00AM so I thought perhaps I would get stoned ~smiles~  And I did.  Now I am nice and relaxed.  Well, I decided to get on MSN Messenger and see what was up.

 

Matthew was on so we chatted for a bit.  I have never had a job where I had anytime to look on a computer.  It must be nice ~smiles~.  Then I finished up a couple things I had to do like a load of laundry and vacummed the floor.  Now I am really done.  Logged back onto MSN no one was there, so I decided to write about the mornings events thus far.

 

Oh Matthew just came on heehee....more later

 

Love,

Adam

Yesterday I went to take the bus to my friends house, since I can no longer work we lost our nice car, but we have a Geo Metro that we got for free ~smiles~.  Never look a gift horse in the mouth I always say ~grins~.  Well the stupid ass busses were running on Holiday Schedules on Monday?  It looked like everyone else was working too me.  What makes bus drivers so special? ~chuckles~.  Anyways we had to transfer from Havana to the 33 bus.  Mariah and I waited in the freezing rain for an hour and no bus ~sighs~.  This guy sees me holding Mariah and asks if we want a ride.  Well of course I think he is some fruitcake because  who the hell helps people anymore, but he gave us a ride all the way to my friends house.

 

I was going to destroy the world this year.  I am so sick and tired of humanity, stupidity and callousness I see.  It is literally driving me crazy.  It is like a twilight zone episode ~grins~.  I promised humanity long ago that as long as thirty six enlightened beings lived on the world I would not destroy it.  Well their are only a handful of enlightened people compared to the lack of elightenment.  I am growing tired of this experiment as I did with the dinosaurs.  I guess I don't have to tell anyone how that turned out ~snickers~.

 

Since I was touched by many sincere kind acts this year.  I am allowing the world to exist for a five year probation.  Five years for you, a second for I AM.  I have no concept of time and cannot see it as a linear movement/frequency.

 

My buddy Mike is going to start Interferon for Hep C so this is his last week of drinking.  So I got a twelve pack of Grolsch Blonde Lager.  It was really tasty for a lager, and far exceeded the lame bitter tasting lagers of America, or the washed out watery beers like Coors and Olympia.  I had a good time it is good to see him off that meth and moving his llife forward.  I quit drinking for five and a half years once.  I lived through it ~chuckles~.

 

Love,

Adam

I had fun last night at my wife's parent's house.  Matthew always brings up the laughter a notch or two.  It makes it much easier to swallow the medicine ~grins~.  We ate, the kids ran, screamed and watched movies just like kids do ~chuckles~.

 

Today is allright, it is nice and mellow but I am out of pot and have no pain killers ~frowns~  Oh well, I'll get some more tomorrow I guess.  The pain and sickness really rush in when I don't have my buds.  We bought some Ribeyes for dinner but I don't have anyway to bring on my hunger or get rid of the sick feeling.  It is funny that I am fat because sometimes I only eat a couple times during the week.  I am sure what I lack in food I make up in alcohol ~chuckles~.  So , hopefully I'll get hungry before dinner time.

 

The kids made out like bandits, which is a blessing because someone was kind enough to bestow a grip of presents on us.  I took pictures of the kids ripping and tearing the paper open.  My mom would kill me if I didn't take pictures of the kids on Christmas even though they are on a luxury cruise ship ~smiles~.

 

I got some Axe "Essence" bodywash.  I really like axe, especially the smell of Essence.  I also got some Louisiana Hot Sauce pack with all sorts of Louisana hot sauces ~drools~.  I love my food hot!  My mom and dad got me a subscription to HighTimes because they love me ~smiles~.  Even if they don't partake themselves, although if my mom wasn't allergic to smoke she could probably use it for insomnia like I do.  I don't care that I didn't get much because too me Xmas is a big giant consumer whoring pool of shit, and all the people who hate everything about Wal-Mart shop there anyways because they are all consumer whores ~grins~.  We could wipe out the economy by going on strike a couple Xmases.

 

I am drinking a Heineken.  The wife picked me up a six-pack yesterday.  It's the right colors red and green ~grins~.  Damn I wish I had just one bowl to stop the fucking pain!  Oh well maybe I can drink myself stupid and go to sleep ~chuckles~.

 

Love,

Adam

Well I beat SplinterCell ChaosTheory in hard mode and now I am going to play again in Expert Mode because I learned a couple things that Sam Fisher has that I wasn't even aware of ~chuckles~  Like the OCP on the pistol.  I didn't know I had that until halfway through the damn game ~chuckles~.  I usually read the booklet before I play the game but since I have played the triology of SplinterCell I assumed I knew or remembered all the stuff that Sam Fisher has, well I didn't ~chuckles~.

 

Malachi went to trade a game yesterday and finally got Mortal Kombat Deception.  He is working on unlocking Raiden who is my favorite character in the series.  He says he going to do it for my Christmas Present ~chuckles~.  Works for me, I find the gameplay boring as hell unless you are playing another person instead of the lame computer generated games.  I don't normally let Malachi trade games but the ones he had were real old and I didn't play them anymore ~snickers~.

 

We are suppose to go up to Mom and Dad Carson's for Christmas Eve tonight.  I dont' really like going over to their house on Christmas Eve.  It is boring, no one talks too me, and I really dislike television which I don't have control over when I am there ~chuckles~.  The kids are screaming and the granparents are yelling at them to not be kids...errr i mean to not be loud.  I really don't like Christmas anyways, and would be much happier if we treated people the way they are suppose to be treated all the time and not just one day a year ~grins~.

 

I sure hope Elijah is ok.  No one tells us anything, how can someone pray or have sympathy if they don't know what the hell is going on?  I guess it happened quite quickly.  He is such a cute little guy and is always good for a laugh and so full of life even though he didn't get a good warranty on his physical state.  I am sure he will be ok he is used to this garbage and stuff clogging up on him.  He never lets it seem to bother him ~smiles~.  I hope I see him tonite.

 

I think Christmas is just a consumer whore day for conservatives who don't know any better.  All I see is commercial after commercial telling you that you aren't worth squat if you don't get someone you love a Carribean Cruise, A huge diamond ring, or a brand new fifty thousand dollar car ~sighs~.  Who are those commercials aimed at?  Not me because I am just a poor ass nigger ~sighs~.  But you can't see those commercials and not be affected by them even if only subconsciously.  I think everyone that has a brain knows Christmas is a Pagan Holiday and that Christ was born no where near December ~chuckles~  Oh and for you conservatives:  Jesus was almost black, so quit making him white you losers.

 

My mom and dad are on a Panamanian Cruise and own a time-share in Mazahtlan.  I should go there sometime and hang out for a week.  All I need is a passport and my thumb ~chuckles~.  I hope my mom and dad are having a good time on their trip.

 

Oh well I guess this all for now....

 

Love,

Adam

Hello Everyone,

 

And happy Solstice.  This means the days are getting longer even though it is officially winter.

 

I took my buddy to Wurly to get some cigs from the reservation.  A lot of people cross the state line and buy cheap smokes.  It is very spendy if they catch you with cigs.  It is like one hundred dollars a pack ~sighs~.  I am glad I don't smoke.  Well cigarettes anyways ~smiles~.  I enjoyed the ride and loved getting high.

 

We went to Wurly then got a twelve pack of some San Luis Obispo Amber Ale.  We get it really cheap at the Grocery Outlet, but it is a very good beer.  We watched Van Wild and I laughed my ass off.  I couldn't believe I have never seen that movie before.  So we got plowed and watched movies.

 

Saying a special prayer for Elijah tonight.  My nephew, poor little guy's shunt is all messed up.  Seems to happen more than it is suppose too.

 

Love,

Adam

Hmmmm lets see.  I took the wife to the drop off place for the van pool.  I dropped my daughter off at Grandma's so she could play with her cousins.  I went to my friends house and watched some stupid detective show about this guy in the seventies named J.B. Cooper or something like that.  Then smoked some killer pot as usual.  Man that stuff helps with the pain!

 

Malachi calls me and tells me he has locked himself out of the house.  It's raining so it is like forty degrees.  I made him stand in the cold for an hour.  I get tired of telling him to remember his house key.  He usually sneaks in the windows.  I don't want him doing that so I locked them, so today when he forgot his key he couldn't go through the window ~snickers~  I hope that cures him.  Luckily for him he didn't lock himself out last week because it was negative ten degrees ~chuckles~.

 

So far, so good, so what.

 

Love,

Adam

Well I was suppose to get my dressing changed and the wound looked at this morning but there was an hour wait.  I had my daughter and sure as hell wasn't going to wait for now hour.  So now my foot hurts and could be infected I guess.   I will go tomorrow first thing when I don't have Mariah with me.

 

Driving is hard it pulls on the damn stitches and I am trying to keep that vein that was sewed together from reripping and filling my foot up with blood ~sighs~.  Oh well you gotta be tough to get old ~snickers~.

I broke a Crystal Butter Dish this morning and thought I had cleaned it all up.  Well a couple hours later I felt something under my right foot and assumed it was a piece of cereal or one of the kid's toys, so I went to scrape the bottom of the my right foot on top of my left foot.  Unfortuneately it was a piece of glass and I severed a very large vein on the top of my foot all the way down to the bone ~sighs~.

 

I could not get this sucker to stop bleeding and lost over a pint of blood before I decided to call 911.  The firemen live just down the block, so they got here very quick ~smiles~.  They wrapped my foot up nice and tight and then I waited for my wife to get home.  She took me to the urgent care about an hour later and the sucker was still bleeding through, luckily the blood in my leg is almost black.  I take aspirin as a blood thinner until I am forced on Heparin or Kumadin down the road.  The bad news is the blood thinner was making it worse.  Finally the doctor got it all stitched up and the sucker was still bleeding out.

 

They wrapped my foot up nice and tight and told me to keep it above my heart for a couple days.  My whole foot is going to turn black and blue they said because the vein will still be severed and bleeding out into my muscle and surrounding tissue.  Oh well looks like I'm going to live ~chuckles~

 

What a long strange trip it's been!

 

Love,

Adam

I was in my underwear when I heard a knock at the door.  I assumed it was the next door neighbor, or one of her kids.  There was a stocky guy who was at the door with huge bags of gifts for everyone in the  family ~smiles~.  It made this ugly ole biker draw tears from his eyes.  I asked who? what?, and he just said "I am Santa Claus"  All I could say was a heart felt and sincere "Thank you very much!"

 

I'll tell you events like that tend to tear down my cynical walls that I create when stereo-typing soceity in general.  We have not idea one of who it could be.  It happened so quick that Julie never got a chance to see the person at the door.  As long as there are enlightened beings who share their overflowing cups, God will always have hope in humanity, and if it's good enough for God.  It's good enough for me ~smiles~.

 

So in the Spirit of what Christmas is truly about.  God bless the good people, and even the bad ones.

 

 

Love,

Adam

Well I was just denied disability from the State of Washington.  Even though my doctors have told me to not stand or sit for more than thirty minutes at a time.  I explained my diseases in a previous post.  Because they consider me to be mobile that working 2-4hours is sufficient when I use to make fifty bucks an hour when I had my computer business.

 

My old ex-friend Shaun that I grew up with is a total loser and lifelong criminal.  I have picked him up twice from prison and then took him to the Spokane Housing Authority where he got a house right away, even though some poeple have been waiting over three years.  And he got an inspection the next day.  Then another government agency gave him twenty five hundred dollars to buy tools for his trade which is just sold for methamphetamines.

 

When I use to drive cab I would take Russian people to their free houses, even though they aren't American Citizens.  I have watched criminals, minorities and drug addicts get all the chances in the world, but if you just some guy who worked for twenty-five years you aren't worth a shit too your government.  It's like that stupid ass bumper sticker that says, "Get to work millions of people on welfare count on you".

 

My last two bosses I tried to kill, yet I am capable of working a normal job.  My computer business would have made me fifty times the money I could make working part time at Wal-Slut, err Wal-Mart.  If I could even deliever pizza I could make great money.  You'd be surprised how much pizza drivers make ~snickers~.  But I can't work.

 

Apparently I am going to be forced into some kind of criminal life to acquire money for my family ~sighs~.  Heck if I died right now my family would get a thousand dollars a month.  WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY TELLING ME?!?!?!  I'm not messed up enough to get $700/month, but if I die I am worth $300/month more, so the government says I am better off dead and that it wants to help all the people soceity calls losers ~grins~  What a sick fucking world I live in.  I guess I will just have to accidently kill myself so that my family can get the money and financial security they deserve.  I'll sure miss them.

 

Anyways I have already contacted a disability lawer who will make some money for ensuring the dumbasses push it through this time ~sighs~.  I hope.

 

Love,

Adam

My friend and I went to my brother's house last night and we partied hardy.  I drank damn near a twelve pack and took three shots of whiskey and smoked endless bowls ~snickers~.

 

The reason we went there is for our mutual friend we have lovingly named Korean Dan ~smiles~.  He was on leave from Iraq and came to visit his family and us, his exteneded family.  First thing I said to him was I couldn't see the thousand yard stare (something you get from combat and killing people).  Dan replied, "I'm saving it for when I get back to Iraq. ~chuckles~.  I have known the guy for over ten years and having people like him over in Iraq gives me solace that if he can be like that perhaps our Army isn't so bad.  Dan had seen the shit way before he joined the Army several years ago.  He hung around my brothers and I, so he knows ~smiles~.

 

I'll get to see him again on Sunday for the football game.  GO SEATTLE SEAHAWKS!!!  I'll give him my email and get his address so we can sneak liquor too him in Hydrogen Peroxide bottle ~grins misheviously~  We'll send him and his boys some whiskey.  It is very locked down on base he said you couldn't squeak a half of gram of Hash in your butthole ~chuckles~.

 

Love,

Adam

Dominic has been trying to get a hold of me all day.  He knows he screwd up and that I am going to let the bridge burn to the ground.

 

He gave me his word and broke it.  I can understand events that create chaos every once in a while, but this is like the second or third time.  Life is too short to waste my time with people who can't keep their word.  I am not a rich man that can buy people off.  All I have is my word, which is a symbol of my integrity.

 

It may seem cruel or unusual to others, but I cannot afford to have so called "friends" that lie, or are incapable of keeping their solemn promises.  I have enough friends already.  I am not looking for anymore friends at the moment.  I like to keep a very close circle of really good friends, some old, some new.

 

It is really sad to see Dominic going downhill when he was doing so well.  Before I met him he didn't even have ID or a job.  Now he has ID but he is a tad bit lazy and doesn't want to work.  Hell I can understand that, who does?  I don't like scrubbing floors, walls, toilets, etc.  I don't like doing dishes, I sure as hell don't like doing laundry.  But you know what?  I do it because I love my family and I would feel bad about myself if I didn't do something constructive and they had to live in a craphole.  After twenty-five years of work I can no longer do it, so I deal with a whole new set of advantages and disadvantages today.

 

At anyrate I am going to let him stew for a while becaue he lied too me and it hurt me, but seems like all I can do is not to enable him to continue doing whatever he wants and hurting people he claims to care about.

 

Love,

Adam

Well today I met a good friend of mine at Rockwood at the Anticuagulation office next to urgent care.  I thought I would buy a couple six packs of SLO Pale Ale and go to his house and watch a movie have a couple beer and smoke a couple bowls.

 

The last couple times I have drank with this friend he has become very ill.  I thought perhaps he just drank too much the last couple times, but now I am thinking he has an interraction with the kinds of hardcore nerve medicines he is on.  I have watched him drink a six pack with no problem but lately he is having all sorts of problems.  Tomorrow I will mention that he shouldn't probably drink that much anymore, especially if it's going to make him sick.

 

Personally, I hate being sick that is why I don't drink enough to get sick.  I like to get to a certain level and then kind of maintain it.  My doctor says drinking three times a week it too much, even the measly four beers I drink (which is usually consume a couple 24oz'ers of St. Pauli Girl).  Of course doctors don't want you to have any fun.

 

I like to give a couple of days inbetween drinking because if I don't the tolerance causes the amount of drink to go up.  I would rather that not happen, so by spreading it out through the week (that is if we can even afford it) so that I don't have to drink more and more to get the same affect.

 

Hemmingway was once asked why he drank so much alcohol.  He said, "I use it to help me come down to your level (implying normal peoples intellectual level)."  And I can understand that perfectly.  Some people have chruch, some people have gambling, some people have work.  We all have some defense mechanism for living with the stupidity of our own race.

 

Some of these are seen as benevolent like chruch and work.  But let me tell you from personal experience that a work-a-holic can just as easily destroy the family as a meth addict.  My father went to work and college almost the whole span of my youth.  I would have much rather had my father at home.  I never really even wanted to know who my dad was until the age of twenty-four.  And I am sure it was because of the values I inherited from my father that helped make me who I was.

 

Love,

Adam

I thought this idea is pretty cool, but now I see you are not allowed to cuss?  First off this is my site, if you don't like it don't visit, but don't ever take away my right to freedom of speech!!!

 

I think people who let profanity affect their thought processes are truly weak people.  I would be more concerened with intent, but since most Americans in the US are dumbasses it doesn't surprise me that words are given great power, yet no one can see the intent ~grins~.  I think corporate whores who knuckle under Insitutions of Enlightenment are one step below the losers who let profanity affect their @#$@#^$ life!

 

Well you all know who you are...pathetic.

 

Love,

Adam

I have this friend named Dominic who is really pissing me off right now.

 

Last night he came over crying about how he needed to get stoned.  I told him that Marijuana is my medicine so I don't want to be getting people high, but I have known him for over a year and he is a bit of a mooch.  Anyways I told him I would if he promised to come back by today and make sure I got my medicine (I normally don't worry about it because I grow it, but all my bud is still wet waiting to cure).  He promised that he would, you know what?  He never did ~growls~.

 

I told him if he lied to me I was going to hurt him, but instead of that I think I will just let the bridge burn and not have anything to do with him for now.  I am not rich and my word is all I got, I tried to emphasize this too him but apparently it doesn't matter, so if my friendship equals Dominc's addiction then screw it.  I won't ever be getting him high again ~grins~  More for me anyways.

 

If you gotta lie to someone to get your fix.  You probably shouldn't be doing anything that causes you to lie or harm others.  It's that simple for me.  I know people can't always see it when their in the middle of an obssessive and compulsive addiction.  I know I was there years ago with Meth.  Thank God I don't do that garbage anymore.  I have watched it destroy so many lives, and it almost destoryed mine.

 

Love,

Adam

I am authorized by the State of Washington to grow and smoke Marijuana for my terminal and debilitating illnesses.

 

I cannot even begin to explain how Marijuana has made my life better by giving me a better quality of life.

 

I got a letter back from Senator Patty Murray stating that Marijuana is a gateway drug ~snickers~  I wrote her back telling her the only reason it is a gateway drug is because when someone smokes it and figures out everyone has been lieing too them, they assume the other drug stories are lies too, unfortuneately that is not the case with Meth, Crack, Heroin (Oxycontin), but it is the lies propogated for the multi billiion drug war and cayman bank accounts of our politicians and pharmacutical lobbyist.

 

The government says there is no medicinal value in Marijuana, yet Marinol (a Marijuana synthetic) has been around for decades.

 

Another point of argument is that the Journals of Rhumetology and Neuroscience just wrote an article in time magazine which stated the known benifits of Marijuana for Inflammation, Insomnia, pain, and Marijuana blocks receptors that cause Alzheimers.

 

Time magazine is nothing to scoff at.  It has been a magazine of reputation for half a century or more.  So it really helps an activist such as myself.

 

Even if I didn't have these deplorable diseases I would still smoke pot and fight for it just like the elders of our day fought for alcohol.  The only difference is pot smokers don't want to kill anyone like Alcohol Bandits of the prohibiition did on a dialy basis.  I just want people to use some common sense.

 

Love,

Adam

I get tired of explaining to everyone that asks what I am dieing from, so I will just post it here and then everyone can look at it.

 

It is very much like AIDS only mine is not brought on by sex.  It is brought on by stress and when I am stressed my organs start devouring themselves.  My protien, enzymes, antibodies, etc. go flying through the roof.  My kidneys are constantly shutting down.  There is no cure for it and the average lifespan once acquired is around five years.  I have other symptoms and maladies that are part of this big problem.

 

DVT (Deep Vein Thrombosis)  Within my veins and arteries lies a silent killer, only postponed by the use of anticuagulants.  It is not a matter of if, it is a matter of when a blood clot will losen and  eventually make way to my brain or heart.

 

FMS (Fibromyalgia Syndrome) This is an excruciating pain that never goes away.  It is presumed that I got it from an auto accident many years ago where I damaged my spinal cord.  On a good day I feel like I have the flu.  On a bad day I vomit and pass out from the pain.  Sometimes my wife touches my neck or back and I have to tell her sweetly to get off because I just want to punch her in the mouth by no fault of her own.

 

HS (Hidradentitis Suppurvita/Antibiotic Resistant Staph) is a horrible disease that has been here since the begining of time and was reported in the Bible as sores.  I am fortuneate in the fact that I have been able to get some relief with alternative methods as opposed to man made narcotics. I have Staph, Strep and Ecoli running in my blood all the time.  There is no way to get rid of it.  I take extreme precautions in cleanliness to ensure no one else gets it.  It can only be acquired through an open sore.

 

IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) I hate this disease.  The hairs on my intestines no longer push food through their tunnels, so that food sits there until it rots and forces its way out both ends.  That is not so bad as the gases that well up in your stomach and intestines trying to explode while your stomach muscles pull to keep it from exploding.  The pain has made me contemplate suicide on more than one occasion.

 

I have gotten rid of this disease with Psyllium Seed Husk Powerder and Marijuana.  The only time I get it now days is when I run out of Marijuana or Husk Powder.  I try never to run out of those two things.  I don't have to buy pot but that is another Thread all together ~grins~.

 

I have some other not so chronic or deadly diseases and see my pain and suffering as attonment for the many heinous crimes I have commited upon soceity in my early and mid 20's.  And if that is what it takes for me to get to heaven I am thinking I got a damn good deal!

 

Love,

Adam

 

I worked for twenty-five years of my life before two terminal illnesses got the best of me, so I am now a stay at home dad.  I love the interaction and the fact that I raise my daughter instead of having some heartless institution do it.  And it relieves poor Grandma from having to watch her all the time ~chuckles~.

 

I never knew how @#$@#%% boring it is being a housewife.  I mean it takes a few hours to do luandry, Vacuum, dishes, and some special jobs for extra cleaning, but what do you fill the rest of your day with?  I fill my day with Video games, my little girl, my computer and my television, but just being stuck in the same place day after day, especially in the winter, can be very grating on the psyche.

 

I have a much greater respect for my mother now.  She raised us and kept the house and bills in order and never missed a stitch.  I can't believe it because my brother and I were two years apart, so you could probably well imagine the ringer we ran her through ~smiles~.  Mariah runs me through that ringer sometimes, but not often she is very independent.

 

Sometimes I think, perhaps I should try and work again.  But after chasing down my last two bosses and trying to beat them to death, it would be far safer for me to stay home albeit majorily boring somedays!  And if I go to work I will just be doing the inevitable trying to make it to work everyday in pain and sick.  And if I did that now I would lose my disability which I haven't got yet.

 

Love,

Adam