I got and email from change.org today talking about how we need to do stuff to change, but all I saw was more whoring for money!  No information on how to volunteer for any of the issues.  We just want your fucking money!!!  Now that’s change I can believe in ~sighs~.

You know what fucking change is!!!???

It’s looking at your neighbors yard down the street that looks like shit, then instead of telling everyone what a loser he is you go down and talk to him first!  You might find that he is crippled or very ill, then you would offer to help him with his yard so he doesn’t look like a meth addict!!!  Now that’s change!!!  Even if he wasn’t crippled and was a dirt bag perhaps people being nice to them could change them, and if not oh well never hurts to try!  I know a lot of prophets and saviors of various religions talked like that; Jesus said to do good to those who hate you and be kind to your enemies…because Jesus knew if they had any kind of conscious or soul at all the guilt would eventually change them, but any conflict gives one justification to perpetuate their existence…

All this presidential crap aside…it us the Americans who need to change at the core of our beings.  Most the Americans I know are shallow, self-centered (even the Christians) and prone to gossip!!!  Not that they aren’t good people, but are blinded by the perception of what reality is and what is really important ~smiles~.

How about this?  How about you all act fucking civil to each other and start helping each other or perhaps learning why a situation is the way it is, perhaps you will even make a new friend in the process.  If we don’t change at the core of our virtue (that most lack) then nothing is going to change EVER!  We will just run ourselves into the ground!  We will constantly find others to blame for our inability to accept blame for ourselves or step up to the plate!

How many times have you have seen someone on the street and thought something like; “Thank god I’m not that loser/person/etc”, “Oh what a scumbag drug addict”  Do you think people really want to be like that?!  No they are escapists from a world that sucks!!!  They obviously were not loved properly as children, which very few are now days!  We all have an addiction..EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US!!!  Perhaps your addiction is God/Religion and doing everything perfectly right by what you perceive to be God’s idealisms, perhaps you work too much and your family suffers for it, perhaps money is everything to you and without it you are a mean person and will do just about anything to get it, Perhaps martyrs is your drug of choice?  “Whoa is me and all that I do, and I get no appreciation for it”, perhaps it’s gambling, sex, drugs, etc.  We all have idiosyncrasies and addictions! ~smiles~

Maybe change would be actually spending 15-30 minutes a day with your fucking children just talking like I do instead of turning on the fucking boob tube, grabbing the paper and acting all exhausted from a hard days work sitting on your ass in an office all day ~sighs~  Oh I don’t have time for my kids I have very important stuff to do!  My self-centeredness and selfishness come before ALL!  Perhaps change would be stuffing that crap up your ass and actually doing what is right.

So often I see parents devaluing their small children by punishing them for breaking a material possession, so in essence to a child you just told them that material possessions are worth more than they are!  When my kids broke something I sat down and explained it too them and the value of money that we don’t have, and because I treated them like human beings they both excel in honors.  My daughter Mariah is already and overachiever at her school ~chuckles~.  But I’m the deadbeat dad who smokes pot ~snickers~.  I love it when some snooty fuck with a kid who gets C’s tries and talk shit about how I raise my kids and my pot smoking.  They usually leave flustered not understanding why I am happier and my children are more adjusted then there.  Well perhaps if you made your kids feel worthy instead of like some fucking debt or tax deduction they would appreciate you more and want to please you! ~smiles~

Change could be meditation so you can actually hear God instead of asking shit from him all the time!!!  Maybe if people listened instead of running around like chickens with their heads cut off all the time, they could finally understand what is truly important.  I guess I am fortunate in that terminal illnesses gave me a better view on life and made me understand true importance instead of the herd mentality of what they perceive to be importance! ~smiles~

Perhaps change for you is jumping out of your car to help someone stranded instead of just driving by them at 60mph while they are freezing in the cold, confused, angry and sad.  Maybe they don’t have or can’t afford a cell phone, perhaps the person you saw on the news last night that froze to death was a person you drove by as you told yourself “Ahh, they probably got a cell phone they’ll be fine”

If people truly want to change here in America they could actually start caring or at least acting like it instead of killing people and employees to save a few fucking dollars at Wal-Mart!  I am convinced the people who shop at Wal-Mart are going to spend everlasting life in the Hell not of their choosing!  We all know Wal-Mart has terrible issues with human treatment in China, so basically you sell your soul to save a few extra dollars ~grins~.

The “Devil” by whatever name you or your lame religions wish to give him has blinded you all with technology, illusions and perceptions of what people think are important, but I fear in the next few years you will finally understand change, and it won’t be the kind you want, but I don’t see anyone changing around me.  My wife is just the same, the kids are just the same, and the world seems to be just as uncaring, cold, calculating and devious as ever! ~smiles~

Let us cast off our inhibitions and fears, let us bring in a new dawn, let the world unite and join in force to tell those of power and money they no longer rule us, let us tell the Dark Lords their illusions have been seen and we truly know what the Thrown of Infinite Light looks like!!! ~cheers~

I don’t see it happening, but I am already on a roll doing my part.  I have been for months!

For some of you, you will just have to do the opposite of what you think until it becomes real and you understand why you should have been doing these things since the beginning ~smiles~.

Yes I am out of my Marijuana!!!  My insides have been bleeding really badly lately and I have been very ill, but I haven’t let it stop me from working out and doing cardio…I have just been needing a lot more sleep and down time.  I refuse to give up on my working out I don’t care if it is killing me!!!  I REFUSE TO WAIVER!!!

I can’t get Xanax or Valium ( I don’t like that shit anyways) because I had a meth problem that I quit 15 years ago ~sighs~, but for some reason even though I have severe mental ailments that require such medication to keep me from accidentally killing people, so I am forced to use street drugs even if I didn’t want too ~chuckles~.  I am out for a week or two, I will probably end up in the hospital or mental ward in the next few days ~sighs~.

I was walking the dog today (my 105 pound Rottweiler) and I haven’t had any pot, so I probably shouldn’t even be in public ~chuckles~, but I can’t let anything stop me from working out and the dog needs exercise or he becomes aggressive, so anyways, I’m about a block and a half away from this lady and she start yelling.  I thought she was saying “get your dog” because she was standing in front of someone’s house holding bags and I thought maybe she was waiting for a car to pull out or something…as I get closer she is yelling “is that your dog” to which I say, “yes” then she says “people who have just had cancer surgery shouldn’t be around big dogs” and being cordial I say, “Oh really, why is that?”  Then she has the gall to say “Use your brain!”  If she had been a guy she would have been in ICU for the next week or two, so I am glad it was a woman.  She was very mean too me, so I retorted back, “You’re Mean Lady!”  Then she says I’m mean because I am walking my fucking dog, so of course I had to ask her, “So did you have brain cancer and they cut the nice part out of our brain”  it went down hill from there.  Quincy leaped at her once he saw how angry she was making me!  I just told her she was a bitch and moved on!

I thought about it afterwards and perhaps she was a dementia/Alzheimer’s person wandering around the street, albeit we do have a few crazy houses in our neighborhood that house low-grade crazies.  I didn’t really feel bad though because the woman was untalkable too and she was just plain mean, but I guess if you don’t know who the fuck you are or why your standing in the middle of the road it could make one mean like me when my IERD goes off ~shrugs~.  It scared me more than anything because that might be me in several years ~sighs~.  However Marijuana is suppose to slow the onset of Alzheimer’s and Dementia ~smiles~.

When I leave Quincy and come back home he gets very excited and nips me with his front teeth..it hurts, so we are working on his separation anxiety ~smiles~.  He doesn’t even know why he has it, but he just knew one owner for 3 years then got dumped off at my house 2.5 weeks ago, so he doesn’t know why, but he has separation anxiety bad, but we’ll get him over that! ~smiles~

He tried to eat a couple kids at the bus stop this morning but they deserved it…I don’t know why dumb kids gotta tease a huge ass Hellhound?!  Of course a Rottweiler should never be in public without a leash on ~smiles~.  I take him to the hills and work on his “Come” commands…he is getting very good, but one thing about Rottweilers is once their mind is set on something it is very hard to break their concentration with yells, yips or claps, hence the reason they should be on a leash in public.

I do take him out back in our community park when the kids are in school and play tug o war with him and fetch.  I am getting a crapload more exercise now too but I think I figured it out as I am now only losing 2 pounds a week again instead of 5 ~cringes~.  I don’t want a bunch of nasty skin hanging off me when I get sexy!  Not that I don’t have a bunch of women trying to steal me from my wife anyways ~chuckles~.  It’s never going to happen!!!  I love my wife too much, although some of them hotties sure make me wanna….well you know! ~chuckles~

I’ve incorporated full body stretching to my routine and it has helped somewhat with my bursitis and arthritis, mostly I am doing it to prepare for Yoga when I get down to around 200, so I want to start getting limber and protecting myself from injuries ~smiles~.  I got a beginners video from TAMILEE WEBB…she’s hot! ~chuckles~  although most fitness instructors do have tight little bodies! ~smiles~

My friend gave me some Xanax but I don’t like it.  It actually makes me worse, but it does relax my muscles to point of jelly!  Hard to kick someone’s ass when you feel like jelly…but instead of being mad it creates severe anxiety in me which is ever worse because I shut down and blackout.  I blacked out the other day for over an hour, I have no idea what I was doing, where I was or anything.  I am praying that my disease is not manifesting itself with God’s Speed?! ~sighs~

If it gets too bad and I ever hurt or think I am going to hurt anyone I am going to take myself out!  Hopefully that will never happen!  I am getting healthier to try and live long enough to spoil my grandkids and make my children’s life a living hell! ~chuckles~ Ahhh…the vengeance of grandparents! ~cheers~.  My mom and dad come buy and take the kids out for Ice Cream for dinner sometimes…it pisses me off to no end!!!  My parents never gave us ice cream for dinner!!! ~chuckles~  As a matter of fact dinner was generally a knock down, drag out fight to get me to eat anything! ~chuckles~

Well I guess I should rap this novel up! ~smiles~

I wanted to put down this Pink Floyd Song because I think it relates to my first part of this blog:

"On The Turning Away"

On the turning away
From the pale and downtrodden
And the words they say
Which we won't understand

"Don't accept that what's happening
Is just a case of others' suffering
Or you'll find that you're joining in
The turning away"

 
It's a sin that somehow
Light is changing to shadow
And casting it's shroud
Over all we have known
Unaware how the ranks have grown
Driven on by a heart of stone
We could find that we're all alone
In the dream of the proud

On the wings of the night
As the daytime is stirring
Where the speechless unite
In a silent accord

Using words you will find are strange
And mesmerized as they light the flame
Feel the new wind of change
On the wings of the night

 
No more turning away
From the weak and the weary
No more turning away
From the coldness inside
Just a world that we all must share
It's not enough just to stand and stare
Is it only a dream that there'll be
No more turning away?