Started getting ready for the Alaskan cruise yesterday.  I went to Dahles and got a bunch of nice name brand “Cargo Shorts” and some “T-shirts”.  I also got a belt.  One of the shorts was nice Denim, and I got some nice new swim trunks!

It is the first time I have bought clothes in over five years.  I don’t really care about clothes that much, even though the shorts I am wearing now are falling apart ~snickers~.  I’ve been married for 15 years, it’s not like I go to church, and so I really have no reason to look civilized.  It was nice.  I will not wear them until our trip because I don’t want to accidentally tear them while house cleaning or whatever!

Julie’s best friend Katie was having a birthday party for her son Micah.  They live out in Rosalia, which is about 33 miles outside of town.  I sure love that little town, too bad I can’t talk Julie into moving that far out ~grins~.  You can get a 300K house for 80K there, but the 45-minute drive to work could be a pain in the ass.  Some people in California commute 4 hours to work and home!  Could you imagine?

Anyway, there were a lot of people there that I didn’t know.  I didn’t say or do anything stupid, Yay!  I didn’t know anyone, so I didn’t have anything much to talk to people about.  I did find some things to talk to the old guys about ~smiles~.  Old people usually love talking about stuff.  Old people are just so full of knowledge and experiences I will never ever know!  And when I am old it will be the same way, so learn from the elders.

Katie talked to me, but she was really busy being the mom and all.  She had to organize and run around making sure everything was in order.  It took me a long time to accept Katie as a friend.

When Julie and I were first going to get married Katie thought she saw me with another woman and of course told Julie.  The fact that I wasn’t with another woman pissed me off to no end!  I thought of her as a home wrecker for years, but I finally got over it.  She is really a sweetie and probably thought she saw me.  Now when I was a teenager and in my early 20’s I was never faithful.  I was doing what young men do.  I was banging everything I could get my hands on to put another notch on ye old screwing belt.  However, once I got a bit older I figure why go look for milk when I have the cow at home? (Meant as a metaphor, not offensive).  Isn’t that one of the benefits to being married?  You don’t have to play that stupid dating game anymore, especially at my age ~snickers~.

I do have a hard time keeping my mind out of the gutter in late spring when all the girls start wearing their hip hugging jeans and form fitting tops ~snickers~.  It’s almost like they want you to look.  It sure doesn’t leave a lot to the imagination these days.  I must follow the light, now where did that light go?

Julie will have to leave for Indianapolis at the beginning of June.  She is going there to train for her new promotion/position.  I think I am going to take the kids camping on one or two of those weekends, or maybe even on the weekdays ~smiles~.  I’ll probably let Malachi bring a friend, and maybe Mariah to, but I am sure her and daddy will have plenty of fun fishing and looking for bugs with her ~grins~.  And all kids love playing in the fire!  Julie will be in Indiana for 3 weeks, and then when she gets back we have to take off on our cruise to Alaska or 8 days.

Julie really wants to see the whales.  That is cool they guarantee you will see some.  Depending on the time of year, which we will be in:  We should see Killer Whales and Humpback or Right whales.  Many of them feed very close to shore this time of the year.  We will be going up the straight through the islands and stuff.

I’ll wave to you Magick as I float past your island ~waves~.

Malachi is starting to get good at the guitar.  He wanted to have a song ready for his grandpa by the time he got here, but I think he is a little behind still.  He has about 5 cords down, but is still a little sloppy in the transition to a new chord.  Practice makes perfect!  I told him he should play “Ole Strawberry”.  I always remember my dad singing and playing that song.  I remember singing it as a kid ~chuckles~, but Malachi is going to do as he wants.  He is just like his dad only better ~grins~.

I guess that’s it for now…

OK I am running for President of the United States of America…Start spreading the word!  When you go to the polls check the “other” Box and put my name in there “Adam Summerhill” ~grins~.  I cannot win because of the Electoral College, so basically “we the people” don’t really govern our country anymore.

I am no pussy and I speak my mind, as many of you know.  I will not pussy foot around the issues, so without further ado here are my opinions on various issues, but first a little about myself:

I am an X-criminal but stopped my wicked ways around the age of 30.  I am married to my beautiful wife of 15 years and I have two great kids.  Malachi is 14 and an honor student.  Mariah is 5 and full of piss and vinegar!

I am a child of God and follow the teaching of Christ/Matthew from the Christian Bible, however I do not believe that religion should intermingle with politics.  And I do not believe in conversion, if you are an upstanding citizen, good neighbor and loving parent I could careless if you worshipped the doorknob of Karnack!

1)     War:  Jesus says to be kind to your enemies and do good to those that hate you, but I understand that we are all not Christians and as a nation if we decided to go to war I would make sure that the government sends their children first to ensure the public of the importance of that war!

2)     Abortion:  If doctors can in good conscious take life, and if a woman can in good conscious destroy life within her whom then so be it.  What is the free will that God gave us worth if we force everyone else to live, as we deem righteous?

3)     Drugs:  Legalize Marijuana first and test out new social policies and taxations which would take us out of the national debt within five years.  This will create an influx of new jobs, careers and destroy the black market value of drugs along with their inherent dangers.  Then I would take the 80 billion dollar pork barrel that is the “Drug War” and divert funds to social programs and prevention programs.

4)     Gun Rights:  I am pro gun rights and believe that our public fear of guns is because not enough people educate themselves and use them.  An uneducated idiot with a gun is a scary thing indeed!  However, had someone at “Columbine” or “Virginia Tech” had a weapon and was trained proficiently in it, there would might have not been 32 senseless lives thrown away.  Having been a part of the criminal element in my past I know we didn’t buy our guns from legitimate stores.  We got them on the black market!  Go down to any gang related area and you can buy just about any kind of gun you want if you have the cash and the balls!  The main reason I believe in the “Second Amendment” is for invasion protection, but especially for domestic governments that turn tyrannical and no longer serve the people!

5)     Immigration:  Other than a rise in crime from desperation what are these people doing that is so wrong?  We all came from somewhere other than here and murdered the indigenous humans that lived here and took this land.  Personally, I see these people doing the jobs no one else wants like McDonalds, fruit picking, etc.  If Americans are afraid of losing their jobs, perhaps they should work harder and for less, instead of sucking everything they can from the system through handouts and/or lawsuits!  Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country! (Theodore Roosevelt)

6)     Environmental:  In Daniel God says “Behold I give unto every seed bearing plant, every foul of the air, etc. that you should have dominion over it and be its steward.”  As a Christian Nation we have failed our Earth and our God greatly!  Modern Christians/Americans consume more disposable consumer goods than the entire world combined.  We create more waste, fumes, etc. than the rest of the planet put together!  We cannot be suckered into apathy via predestiny and Armageddon.  We need to plan for the future of our greatest grandchildren regardless of our Biblical ideologies!

7)     Downsizing DC:  There are many branches/offices of our government that are corrupt, useless, or self perpetuating that need immediate downsizing and restructuring.  I have seen Child Protective Services take a kid away from his “clean” parent and put them with the meth-addicted pervert.  I had a good friend, a beautiful women whose child was murdered by their foster parent while the mother was recovering in a drug treatment center!  She was on Oprah a couple times and Maury.  The IRS is a useless department.  We can find a much better solution to the nation’s debt than soaking the hard working people of America for the extra money!  Many committees and branches would be affected by this making us a more streamline and efficient government for the people!

8)     Taxes:  I believe in the destruction of the Internal Revenue Service and imposing higher state sales taxes that will be applied to all sales, so the more you spend the more taxes you pay.  A true progressive taxation!  This is not to say there would not be programs for businesses to lessen the sales tax burden if industry showed suffrage.  I have no love for the rich and cannot be bought, threatened or coerced into defying my moral compass and the compass of my people!

We are in what appears to be the end times, but we cannot live and create a self-fulfilling prophecy.  God gave us free will, how can we have free will and prophecy/predestination?  One robs the other of its meaning!

Like Abraham Lincoln I will bring in cabinet members who oppose my views to create an equal partisanship whereby we can actually get some issues accomplished instead of playing tag and backtrack whenever one party supercedes the other creating a constant controversy/ tug of war.  The government is suppose to work for the people, not the rich, not the media, not the polls, but real human beings with real issues, emotions, stories and lives!

I doubt I would make president.  I am too honest, but it would be really cool just to see my name on the board!  They’d all be like, “Who the hell is Adam Summerhill?” ~snickers~.

I hope you guys have a great week!

Yay!  Julie received a promotion at her work with a hefty raise!  You probably remember me telling you we needed about $300/month to make it until we get into a house.  Once we are in our house we can free up another $600/months.  She got a $5,000.00 a year raise!  That equals $416/month before taxes.  That is pretty nice.  She was promoted as well.

We are going to keep our house payment in the same range though, so that we have extra money for sewer, garbage, etc.  We spotted a house by my mom and dads.  It has 4 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms.  It has a partial basement.  It’s up for $119,000, which if it is nice that would be a hell of a deal.  Julie is going to look at it today and see if it is even worth it for me to look ~chuckles~.

Mom and Dad should be up here May 10^th to spend the summer in Spokane.  The VA just gave my mom and dad $50,000.00 to remodel their house in Yuma, Arizona!  That is cool!  They are going to build a roll in shower and widen some doors and stuff.

I have been sicker than a dog.  I have avoided the hospital thus far, but I don’t know how much longer I can go without steroids for my lungs.  I try and make it through without that crap!

I have missed a whole week of Everquest.  I doubt I can salvage my Raid Requirements this month ~sighs~, but I guess we gotta do what we gotta do to get healthy.

I’ve had one night of sleep in the last week or more.  And I never get more than 4hrs at a time.  Between the suffocation, sinuses, and coughing I am about ready to squeeze the trigger ~snickers~.  I guess I’m just a pussy!

I’ve been shot, stabbed, beaten with wine bottles, garbage can lids, broken many bones, and probably a hundred other inflictions that are seriously painful, but take away my air and make me suffocate and I become a psychopussy!  It is very hard to maintain coolness while unable to breath.  You ever see a fish out of water?  They just keep sucking and sucking trying to grasp at any air at all while slowly dying over a 30-minute period.  That is what I feel like!  Part of a “Saw” movie where they slowly take away my oxygen until I freak out eventually followed by death.  I guess I could go to the hospital and get some oxygen and breathing treatments, maybe some steroids?  I abhor hospitals and generally only go if it is something I want done personally, or if I am already unconscious and have no choice, because if I was conscious and had a choice it wouldn’t be to die in a fucking hospital!

I am trying to find out if my wife’s PPO (insurance) will cover the “lap-band” procedure.  It is 10X safer than a gastric bypass and stays right under the muscle of the abdomen.  It is adjustable unlike the “Gastric Bypass”.  If my insurance covers it I believe I will go have the procedure done.  The testimonials were awesome, but I doubt they put any of the negative ones in it like” Oh my god they ruined my life forever!” ~snickers~.  I hear the adjustments are relatively uncomfortable but worth it.  I have an extremely high tolerance to pain, so I should be fine.  I have weakeness to sickness for some reason ~chuckles~.

Since I was suppose to be dead 2 years ago I figure if I get this procedure done and lose 150 pounds I may live another 10 years, and if I’m really lucky perhaps I could push out a grandkid or two ~hopes smiling~.

Before I got sick I use to walk “Rascal” at riverside state park, 7 mile, etc.  Since I have been sick I have been unable to walk 30 minutes without being bed ridden for the next day or two ~sighs~.  I know that if I lose 100+ pounds it will greatly increase my ability to exercise!  It amazes me that in just a short couple years I have gone from being able to hike 6-8 hours a day to less than 30 minutes a day ~weeps~.  And if you only knew how much I love the outdoors and what a prisoner I am in my own home because of my medical conditions.  It would make you cry.  I know it does me from time to time ~sighs~.

I am decaying rapidly.  I can feel it!  I am watching it slowly kill me…I have never been so close to death as I am right now!  At any second a clot could dislodge and take me out, or my kidneys could just decide to stop working again!  I will appeal the insurance decision if they don’t let me get it and I will let them know that I will go to the doctor every damn day and run up their insurance so #%!@ing high they will have wished they just let me get the procedure!  Actually, I plan on showing them the amount of money they can save over the next several years should they decide to let me go through with this instead of calling it an experimental procedure…hmmm let’s see pay out 10K for a procedure now, or spend half a million for my first heart attack ~grins~.  The choice should be easy for a bunch of money mongering underwriters!

I talked to Vegas Marji and Corb for like two hours yesterday.  Well mostly Marji because Corb was playing Internet poker ~chuckles~.  It was April 20^th yesterday, so we had a good 420 chat!  I can’t believe I talked for that long.  I do enjoy people that can easily carry on conversation, so if you like good conversation Marji is full it ~winks & smiles~.

I feel somewhat better today, but then again I think I am feeling better everyday then BLAMMO!!!  What can I do but keep the faith and know that all my suffering here will eventually end and I will go to a place where suffering no longer is allowed to persist!

I hope you guys are having a great day.

I am feeling pretty damn good right now!  I have smoked a couple bowls, drank a few beers and did a couple shots of Evan Williams.  The pain is there cause I can feel it like the Grim Reaper looming over my shoulder, but I am too stupid to care ~snickers~.

I couldn’t pay my mom and dad their $100 bucks this month ~sighs~.  $400 in new tires sure didn’t help.  Not that we paid it with cash, but when I put it in our budget it screws things up ~shrugs~.  If we even made $300/month we would be breaking even ~smiles~.  I can’t wait till I get SSD.  It sure will help!

I have been really sick lately, but I don’t feel sick right now ~grins~.  I feel good!  I am sure I’ll pay for it later, but for now it feels really good.

I have been talking about suffocating lately as you all know.  Last night I got the great idea to take a couple pops off of my Abuterol, boy was that a mistake!  It opened up my lungs so I wasn’t suffocating, which is good cause this suffocation was driving me batty literally!  I think by opening my lungs up with the spray it released some Pneumonia Virus from this last winter ~sighs~.  It was probably dormant mired in a sludge of phlegm and pot smoke ~chuckles~, now it is free to circulate through my blood stream again ~groans~.  I have felt like shit all day, so I said screw it I’m going to hurt myself even more ~grins~.  SHOT!!!

I think this is probably allergy related asthma.  I just thought it was from being so fat and having so much muscle ~chuckles~ pushing my lungs up and squeezing them, but it was some kind of asthma ~blinks~.  Who’da thunk it?

I have been getting a good balance of housework, gaming, etc.  I have been getting about 5 or more AA in Everquest.  I guess the burnout period is over, so I am going to rack up some AA’s ~grins~.  I didn’t play tonight because I felts like total shit, but I was able to write up my weekly highlights ~smiles~.

Life is back on the smooth track…no speed bumps per se…I hope you lives are well endowed as well…

I took lots of pictures this Easter ~smiles~.  That should make my mom happy ~grins~.  We don’t want unhappy moms! ~cringes~.

Our Niece Stephanie stayed over Saturday night.  We all watched “Castaway”.  It was the first time I have seen it.  I am not a big Tom Hanks fan, so I haven’t seen a lot of his movies.  We had popcorn and comfy quilts!

Sunday morning Julie and the kids got up and went to church.  I cleaned up the house, it was a big mess ~chuckles~.  I got a bunch of laundry going, so I won’t get behind with my schedule changing on Mondays and Tuesdays.

Julie picked me up after church and we headed to her mom and dad’s house.  As soon as I pulled up I could see eggs everywhere ~grins~.  Tasha & Colton hid the eggs for the kids.  The kids were chomping at the bit so we let them go after the eggs like wild barbarians with the constant help of the parents of course!  “Over here, over there, look in that tree!”  I think we get more excited than the kids do ~snickers~.

We had a great spread!  We had a honey-glazed ham that was absolutely the best ham I have ever had in my life, and I have had a shitload of ham at the age of 42!  My wife made these meaty baked beans with hamburger, BBQ sauce, and bacon.  It is a meal in itself, then she also made sweet cornbread! Needless to say I had several helpings of the beans and ham.  Oh yeah there where were Au Gratin Potatoes too.

I took a lot of movement pictures.  I couldn’t ask for better lighting and conditions.  Not too bright, not too dark, just perfect.  My camera is a really nice one, albeit a bit old by today’s digital standard.  However it has many SLR features within it, which makes it a very nice camera ~smiles~.  People get confused and think mega pixel is the end all be all, but it’s not even close ~chuckles~.

I woke up at 2AM and called Heather to let her know I was up and on my way to pick her up.  I picked her up and we headed downtown to gather our paperwork and newspapers.  It was raining, windy, wet and just generally miserable.  Somewhere between picking up heather and getting downtown I shredded the sidewall of my tire.  I didn’t hit anything like a curb or piece of metal in the road, nothing like that.  Anyways, it was very flat!  Luckily the docks at the Spokesman Review had an air hose so I aired it up and we shot home fast as possible.  It was leaking out almost as fast as I was putting it in, well it was losing about 10 pounds every few minutes and there is only 35lbs total ~chuckles~.

We made it back and lost 30 minutes in the process.  We got Heather’s van which was full of boxes because they own a pizza place and were under the assumption we would be using my van today…Ooops! ~blushes~  So you can imagine what a pain in the ass it was this morning.

I would like to take this moment to thank my mom and dad for buying us AAA membership with Roadside Emergency Plus.  It was raining and nasty this morning, so I called them and had some guy come out and put my donut on.  I was going to have to wait at least an hour or so for this guy to show up, so no nap at this point.

I smoked a couple bowls, balanced the checkbook, cleaned the house a tad, and then played a couple hours of Everquest.  Mariah woke up so I made breakfast and then I took a nap for two hours.

I woke up and took the van down to Alton’s to get a tire for it.  They wanted $80 for a new tire and they don’t usually sale used ones unless you’re lucky, so I asked what kind of the deals they had.  We ended up getting some 85K steel belted all weather tires.  They were normally $500, but Alton’s was having a buy 3 get 1 deal, so we got out of there for $390 ~sighs~.  It pisses me off too because we just got the autopass card paid off in January! ~chuckles~.

I have to do the route again tonight with Heather.  I should have it down somewhat after tonight.  I got the paperwork and all that crap down I just need to get the route down ~smiles~.  She said I would have it down in about a month.  I can handle that!

If you are not computer savvy look at my last entry ~grins~.

Someone needed to hear this, so listen ~smiles~:

Chance

Savatage

Handful of Rain

6. Chance

[Music & Words: Jon Oliva, Paul O'Neill]

He was standing all alone
Trying to find the words to say
When every prayer he ever prayed
Was gone
And the dreams he's never owned
Are still safely tucked away
Until tomorrow he just
Carries on
Carries on
Carries on

See the Devil in the streets at night
See him running in the pouring rain
See him grinning ?neath a twisted light
I'll be back again
See the people standing in a row
See them nodding like a field of grain
No one sees the sickle though
Coming 'cross the plain

And this he knows if nothing more
That waiting in the dark like destiny
Are those who kissed the dogs of war
And there is no tomorrow
No tomorrow
Take a chance
Take a, take a chance, yeah

See the Devil he is so intense
See the Devil go and change his name
What's the going price of innocence
It can't be the same
Is it dark when the moon is down
Is it dark with a single flame
If there's glass falling all all around
I am not to blame
And this he knows if nothing more

That waiting in the dark like destiny
Are those who kissed the dogs of war
And there is no tomorrow
No tomorrow
Take a chance
Take a, take a chance, yeah
Take a chance
Take a, take a chance, yeah

Burn the night away
Burn the night away
Burn the night...

Pictures at an exhibition
Played as he stood his trance
Staring at his inhibitions
All the time believing
That it now came down to nothing but this chance
Chance
Chance
Chance

I fear you
Your silence
Your blindless
See what you want to see
In darkness
One kindness
One moment
Tell me what you believe

I believe in nothing
Never really had to
In regards to your life
Rumors that are not true
Who's defending evil
Surely never I
Who would be the witness
Should you chance to die

Father can you hear me
This is not how was meant to be
I am safe and so are you
As for the others destiny

[simultaneously - add a new stanza each time]

[1].
Father can you hear me
This is not how was meant to be
I am safe and so are you
As for the others destiny

[simultaneously - add a new stanza each second time]

[2].
I believe that situations
All depend on circumstance

[3].
Look away
Look away
Look away
Look away

[4].
Pictures at an exhibition
Played as he stood in his trance
Staring at his inhibitions
All the time believing
That it now came down to
Nothing but this...

[All together]
Chance
Chance
Chance...

Because of a certain situation that happened with a friend I thought I would explain some simple security measures:

Profiles

Almost every site or community has a profile.  MSN, Yahoo, MySpace, etc.  I often see people making a mistake that causes them much undo grief from stalkers and their ilk.  They put their private information on a public domain leaving them wide open for stalking and identity theft!

NEVER: Put your home address, phone numbers or last name on your profile unless you like being stalked by serial killers and rapists!

NEVER: Believe jack shit you see on a profile.  They are not FBI or CIA regulated and anyone who wants to can lie about anything!

Relationships tend to move ultra fast on the Internet because the physical equation is taken out of the solution.  If a person doesn’t lie then one can really get to know another person extremely well without the ramifications of sexual and physical tensions, however one must first probe to find out whether someone on the net is a loser or not.  So slow it down you sexy bishes!

Spyware

I personally use Lavasoft’s Adware SE Plus.  You can download a free version for personal use that works just fine.  Adware is not the absolute best spyware program, but I am customer loyal and their product works awesome as far as I can see.  I think the number one program is “Spykiller” right now, but that was last months issue of PC Magazine ~snickers~.

Spyware sends tracking signals and information to marketing companies that they turn around and sale to other companies looking for customer research!  All this and you don’t get paid a damn penny for it!

Malware, which is a malevolent form of spyware that actually steals information from your computer, causes unwanted programs to open constantly, almost always uses a ton of resources from your computer draining speed and accuracy of the computer, key generators that steal everything you type.

These threats are easily mauled with a good program.

Virus Protection

OK if you don’t understand that you need Virus software in this day and age, especially with full on connections of today, you are a moron and should probably give your computer back to the store and get your information from the local phone book and the television because you are not ready for the filth of the internet and all of its lessons, not too mention the aggravation of learning the computer basics ~chuckles~.

For those who swallowed the insult and are still reading?  AVG has a free virus program; if you aren’t lazy and you are cheap you can easily uninstall the program and reinstall it every 30 days.  Opening companies will usually give their products away free until they have established a decent customer base then they start charging.

I have Comcast hi speed which comes with McAfee Security Suite.  It works great and is one of the top vendors of Security Suites.  It comes free with the service.

The worst Malware/Virus is a key generation virus that sends every keystroke you make to an intended computer where someone can read your passwords, credit card numbers, etc.  I know I said this twice, but I think you haven’t really understood the implications yet ~grins~!

Firewalls

First off, Window’s Firewall sucks ass, but is better than nothing, so if you don’t have any other kind of firewall then use it!

Firewalls come in two types: 1) Hardware, and 2) Software.

Hardware firewalls come in routers, motherboards, bridges and some other network devices.  Software comes in the form of a program that works to keep unwanted visitors out.

Hardware firewalls are by far the best.  I actually run two firewalls.  One is on my motherboard and the other is in my Cisco Router.  This is known as a DMZ (Demilitarized Zone) making it that much harder for someone to infiltrate my system.  Hardware uses MAC addresses that are specific to each piece of electronic equipment that communicates on the Internet.  It uses a form of NAT (Network Address Translation) that only allows incoming MAC/Network addresses that match the criteria for one’s network to travel in and out of the network.

Truth be known no matter how much Firewall Security you have it only keeps out the honest criminals, if someone who knows what they are doing wants into your computer they will get in most likely, but most programs are from script kiddies (wanna be hackers) and Xbox’s running Linux ~snickers~, and it protects well against these threats.

Once again, many companies give away free software firewalls…probably the best being Zone Alarm, but there are many others out there.

BEWARE: If a website comes up telling you that you have a virus or spyware and go to that site to buy protection?  DO NOT DO IT!!!  Most of these companies are shady and infect your computer with the very things you are trying to rid yourself of!

Remember the Internet is the single most powerful resource on this planet.  It can help you meet beautiful people, it can help you learn, and it can be lots of fun.  But like all things disadvantages and creeps loom in the distance so be careful.

These things I spoke of will greatly reduce your risk to identity theft via Internet, which will become the greatest crimes of the 21^st century.  So be safe and have fun!

Love,

Adam

I went out with Heather the other night to check out her paper route.  It’s pretty easy and all business.  I will make almost $50/night working two nights a week.  The great thing is I don’t have to do any walking.  It is all driving and is under Heather’s name, so I don’t have to worry about screwing anything up by having my name on it.

This should allow me to make enough money to where I can get my 2 grams of medicine a day.  I feel better doing a little bit to earn it too ~smiles~.  I keep the house nice and clean, but a little more always help, especially when it brings in money.

I am out now, and we have no money to get anymore.   I won’t start working by myself until the Tuesday.  Monday morning I pick Heather up at 0215 and it takes about three hours to finish up.  A perfect workday 3 hours ~snickers~.

It will mess up my sleep though, but since I don’t get much sleep from suffocating and everything else I don’t see how it will matter.  I don’t usually get over 4hrs of sleep a night anyways!

My wife said we have a BBQ for Easter Sunday to go to at her dad’s house.  She said she didn’t want me going over there unless I had something to mellow me out ~snickers~.  I’m not that bad I hope?!  I know I am an asshole when I am in pain and my mind is spinning, but I have been working very hard on not taking it out on everyone, especially since everyone is doing their best ~smiles~.  If I didn’t feel like people were trying hard enough I’d be the first one bitching ~grins~.

We are suppose to take the kids over today.  All the kids are getting together and we are going to make candy eggs and color some hard-boiled ones.  I use to love painting eggs.  It was messy and fun!  Plus all these cute little kids are going to grow up and become teenagers someday, and then on one will get to see them!  They will be busy trying to get away from family ~snickers~.  Oh well, I’ll enjoy it while I can.

Julie just came in and read my writings and said I’m not that bad.  It’s just her dad and I can set each other off if I am not “mellowed” is how she put it ~chuckles~.

I love her dad very much, and he is a hard working man who worked two jobs most of his life (as my dad did, well colleges and job), but he is a right wing Christian conservative.  To him I am considered a left wing ultra liberal ~grins~.  I just don’t understand them.  Their kind of blind loyalty to a decrepit government who uses “Agent Orange”, “Nuclear Testing”, “Sodium Penathol”, and “LZ25”.  They lie and try to covet everything and then try and cover it up when they get caught!  All products tested on our boys that deformed them and generations below them.  Why should I trust my government?! ~chuckles~  Cause it’s the only one we got?

I gave Malachi my noisemaker because it had a big ole ball on it that shot out colors.  You can blacken it out with a little piece of paper or something, but it was taking up too much room on my dresser, so it had to go.  Now, my wife couldn’t sleep because of my hideous snoring ~chuckles~.  She said the new fan we bought wasn’t loud enough yet.

I bought a couple of Mp3, hour-long loops.  One was a Thunderstorm/Rain and the other was a Tropical/Rainfall.  I can play them off my Ipod and repeat it all night, so now she is sleeping well again.  I probably could have gotten them at the library instead of paying for them, but I didn’t think about it at the time, however I look at the library for some more sound effects CD’s.

My stomach is icky today.  It feels like it is filled up with some blood.  I usually wait an hour or two for all the nasty crap to drain from my stomach so that I can eat and start my somewhat normal day ~chuckles~.  Julie is making me some waffles and sausage patties right now!  MMMM!

Malachi earned himself enough money to buy his girlfriend Kendall (named after a whine company) a “Green Day” shirt that says Dookie on the back ~snickers~.  I hope her dad will let her wear it, hell I hope the school will let her wear it ~chuckles~.  They will find some way to turn a harmless kids word for poop into a terrorist threat ~grins~.

I sure love Kendall.  She is a little sweetie!  She is only 13 and orchestrates and plays in public forums and amphitheaters.  She plays mostly classical style music, but she can play anything she wanted I would imagine.

I have warned my son that his first crush will probably not last forever and that in this world you can expect to get hurt a few times before you find the right girl ~chuckles~.  I always tell him he as nothing to offer them anyways, and won’t until he is out of college and has a career.  Well you know what I mean ~chuckles~.  He has plenty to offer them, but nothing materialistic and substantial…”Money is the root to all evil, and women need deep roots.” ~snickers~  ß Let the refutation fly!

I wish I was capable of listening to my grandpa Aguirre.  He always told me to get a job and get a house before I started looking for women.  Shit, I have several kids out there that I know of before I even was 24.  I have nothing to do with their raising so don’t really consider them mine, but if one ever confronted me I would have to deal with it ~chuckles~.  I always expect to see my 25yr old boy Christopher hunting me down someday.  Anyways, it would have been much easier if I started with a career and a house ~smiles~ because your generally mature enough to handle a relationship if you got all your other shit together ~grins~.

Anyways, my son is much better at listening than I was ~chuckles~ for whatever reason makes that happen.  I am still out on whether it is parental rearing or a broken from the start brain ~grins~.

My mom and dad should be here next month to start their summer up here in Spokane with us.  It’s always nice to see them! ~smiles~.  Between my illness and their age we gotta spend as much time together as possible, because even twenty years seems like a day when looking back.  The older I get the faster time flies too.

Well I had intended on talking about internet security and proper steps to having a perfect machine that never needs to be fixed at $100/hr ~grins~, or not having to change your life because of stalkers!  But I didn’t talk about that at all and this blog is starting to get long so I should probably just cut it off before I start losing folks ~chuckles~…

Our DVD player died last night, so I got on the Internet to find one.  I found a decent one at “Best Buy” for $38.  I had the option of buying it and just picking it up at the store today, so I chose that option.  I picked the store at the valley mall where I bought my Ipod a few weeks ago.  Julie was going to pick it up after she got off work.

We rented a movie last night and couldn’t watch it, hence the reason I was buying the DVD player.  I wanted it fast.

This morning I get an email telling me they can’t process my order because the store is closed.  I immediately thought they were telling me that the store didn’t exist!  Where did I get such and ideal?  First thing in the morning too at 7AM I am flying off the handle ~sighs~.  Well I did my medicine and reread it after yelling at the Best Buy people ~blushes~.  Apparently, the store was “Closed” meaning not open ~snickers~.  Here I thought they were telling me it didn’t exist when I just bought an Ipod there a couple weeks before!  Why?!  What is fucking wrong with me?! ~laughs hysterically~

Anyways, I have smoked my medicine and am now Dr. Jekyll again ~sighs~.  I am sure Mr. Hide will show himself again ~groans~.  What irks me the most is I have no control over this, it is like a blinding force that overcomes any rational thought or momentary lapse of reason I could possibly have.

I know that I would never hurt those that I love and care about, but those I do not know that are rude assholes, or corporations who promise you the world and stick you in capitalistic beauracracy can go suck eggs because they are not part of my reality.  They are part of the Devil’s (for lack of a better word) reality and feast upon the worship of Mamon!  They desire the flesh, power, wealth, and control over other’s souls.  They are my God’s sworn enemy, and therefore mine.

Don’t you think that God doesn’t (mmm double negatives) take men and makes them tools to do the Lord’s bidding, and even though they may spend their lives in prison for doing something they don’t even remember, God knows that when they die all of that time will be meaningless and eternity in a Heaven will wash over their pain and suffering.  How pretentious for any of us to think we know God’s plan and can say God does this, God does that!  That happened because God deemed it so ~snickers~, pernicious ideologies and philosophies indeed ~smiles~.  We are blocked from knowing the truth by the very God, which puts us here and stitches us into the womb, if we know the truth why rely on faith?  Where would the choice be?  What would the test be if we knew the truth?

When a Christian is conscious of their actions they should do as Christ instructed them.  They should turn the other cheek, and help those that steal from them.  They should do good to their enemies and those that hate them, for it was the instruction of the savior and God!  However, when one is not in control of their faculties, then how can one be accountable to God?  Is one not then either possessed or blessed?

The psychologist says it’s because I am always in “kill” mode.  I am always in the “bank robber mode” because of my former life.  I am vigilant in knowing and observing my surroundings, even in comfortable places I am always on high alert, as if some guerilla terrorist was going to dive through my window and shoot my family!  That is one of the reasons it is so damn hard for me to get drunk.  My alertness level keeps me sober far longer than most people.  While they are flopping around bragging about things in the past I am as alert as can be monitoring my surroundings instead of just relaxing and allowing the intoxicants to consume my mind, body and spirit.

I sleep with a ton of white noise.  I cannot sleep in the quiet, for if I do I will get no sleep.  Every time a mouse farts or a dust mite squeals I am up and at em’.  I don’t mind the quiet when I am in the wilderness, so I can hear the animals, trees, and the rest of nature…but in the city all I hear are the screaming of the power lines, the digital screams of the internet communicating like an old dial up modem!  The quiet in a city is like a freight train to me…my dad says I’m sick, perhaps he is on to something? ~grins~

I don’t usually smoke pot before 4:20 in the afternoon, mostly because I can’t afford to, but because I like to get the majority of things out of the way first, and my mind is much clearer without the short term memory loss ~chuckles~, but today I flew off the handle at 7AM in the morning, so I thought it might be prudent to do a little…thank god I did, because I was able to catch my stupidity before it accelerated to full on moronic and antisocial behavior ~groans~.  God’s will, not mine…

I hope we get to watch out movie tonight? ~smiles~

Love,

Adam