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5月27日 A Sleep Deprivated Wizard, Shhhh!I have now been up for over a week!!! The pain and the sleep deprivation have led me to a dark and scary place I left long ago! I wear the Armor of God (Helm of Yahweh, Breastplate of Angels), The Shield of Christ, and the Spear of Destiny, for I have no fear for my soul because I am with God.
From the time I was 14 years of age I have worked for the Prince of Darkness (for lack of a better name). I am sure I could of buried Crowley, Anton and any other felonious sorcerer who thinks they held some ancient arcane secret ~snickers~.
Here are some things that will explain the protection of the dark side. It was said by Jesus that a house divided shall not stand. The philistines were trying to catch him in an evil act and called him a demon and says he casts out demons by demons…to which Christ says: “How can I cast out demons if I am a demon, what will this attain? How can the devil or God win if there is division and dissention within their houses?” What this means in modern day Christian terminology is that if a deity divide itself then that realm/house shall not stand, it will crumble from within.
Jesus was wrong (err well mankind’s definition)! The Dark Prince would gladly divide his house if it achieved an ends to a means! The dark lord would destroy a million of its twisted creations if diabolical ends meant a win. This doesn’t really mean that Jesus was wrong, but that man was wrong in his understand and interpretation of this scripture, and still is today.
During my reign as Arch-Magi and Grandmaster to Satan himself (for lack of a better name) I performed in a garage metal band and worked on a meth amphetamine lab. Now, I have known people who have contracted AIDS and Hepatitis C the first time they have had sex. I have had sex with these same people and never contracted so much as the “crabs”. I use to use dirty needles on a daily basis because I didn’t give a shit and had no reason too. Some of the people I have shot dope with are dying today of drug, or sexual diseases, yet I did not get any of these even though I should have gotten it several times because the people I was with had it! This is back in my 20’s, so not the same person I am today…thank God!
At some point I got a conscious. I think it was a couple years after my first son was born. I could no longer do those things that I loved doing. I could no longer call upon the demons of the Abyss to come do my bidding! My body started getting weaker and I contracted two terminal illnesses as well as several chronic ones. Most people just attribute this to age and the amount of abuse I dished out to myself, yet I know the truth and I see it daily…
Which brings me to sleep deprivation, chemo-magic, and the ineffable Shadow Plane. What I’m about to say doesn’t have to be believed, but you can humor me for this moment ~smiles~. Our reality, our universe, is a giant thick blanket with trillions of tightly crossed fibers which overlap, underlap and parallel each other…The Shadow Plane is one such thread which sits almost on top of our existing plane. It gives us shadow from light, but it is tainted. One cannot know they are in the shadow plane without much experience. To most it just seems like they are just having one of the worst days in their life and people are very mean spirited. The reality is for whatever reason the “Unseerers” are incapable of seeing the Universal Fabric, so they have rationalizations and mistruths for things that happen.
The quickest way to find the Shadow Plane is to use sleep deprivated psychosis, eventually everything will be tainted and detached (reality). This is a very dangerous place. Diseases, demons of sloth, gluttony, hate, confusion and depression all reside on this plane tapping us from time to time and making us sad, angry, confused, self-righteous, but they cannot be seen by the normals of society. Too me I see them working their evil upon every man, woman and child, creating their brand of sin of upon the non-seerers and the seerers alike.
Meth addicts use the Shadow Plane constantly and rarely realize it, but the demon of the meth allows them to tap into the plane to ensure the existence and perpetuation of their plans and breed the bitch (the she meth demoness) into as many unwitting human vessels as possible. Even though meth addicts think they are getting away with murder (per se) and in actuality the demon is running them around making them do degrading shit that no human would normally ever do under any circumstances.
Wizards and Sorcerers who use meth to call forth the shadows are the most evil of all. I was at one time the most powerful sorcerer in our universe, but I have relinquished all my powers to the Infinite Light. My great knowledge and power to manipulate the universe to my ends has been replaced by a faith that is more powerful than any sorcery I have ever practiced. There are out there, sorcerers knowingly aiding the dark forces in their plans in exchange for protections from Earthly grievances and diseases. And the power you achieve is a rush in and of itself! Doesn’t make it right.
The vast majority of Necromancers/Chemo-Magicians go insane before they are 30 years of age. They end up in criminally insane sanitariums, prisons, or lost in some alley with their delusions beating them until their last breathes. But those who transcend the boundaries of insanity and know the truths are the most ruthless and powerful movers of the Earth. They are the “Evil Secret Tzaddikim”. (Secret Service/ Intelligence Agency for Satan)
God swore as long as there were 36 “Secret Good Tzaddikim” he would allow the race of mankind to exist on this Earth (A pact after the “Great Flood”). There are not many of these 36 left I am sorry to say, and as we wind up towards the year 2012 there will be even fewer ~sighs~. By 2012 there will be less than 36 Secret Tzaddikim, and when this happens? The end of the Earth begins its unfolding!
I try and explain this the best I can because I love you ~smiles~. I will not be here when the rapture burns the Earth like a smelter. Then God shall make the souls of man pure and separate the Mercury from the Silvers! All that is dark shall go to that place of darkness; all that is light shall be pure and remain with the Lord thy God.
Modernization has desensitized mankind/humanity and the devil has made God lost within the desires of Satan’s technologies. Only materialism thrives like a pack of hungry wolves on the last kill before the winter storms. I only wish to forewarn those who would listen… I put on this song because there are many who need to read the lyrics ~smiles~
Assassin of the Light Candlemass Candlemass
Mask of shadow's sole, liebst the night he owns 5月22日 Some Asshole Shot Out My Window!I was helping out a friend and delivering papers on a business route this morning when someone shot out my window. The only house that could have shot it was suddenly dark and ominous.
My first instinct was to kill them and I figured they would be running if not in that house, so I shot around the block real quick and didn’t see anyone. Luckily, there was someone having a heart attack or something, so I told them what was up and then sent a cop over to write up a report.
My friends Mike and Heather own a pizza place and work several hours a day and never get a day off, so I thought I would help out and make a little money on the side while letting them get a couple of days of much needed rest, recreation, etc.
I get $90 a week for working about 8 hours, but I have to sink $50 into the vehicle for gas, so I make about $5/hr. The first day I helped them I got a flat, a major blowout. I had to buy new tires so that was $400, then last night some asshole with a pellet or bb gun shot out my back window so that cost another $200 today. WE DON’T HAVE $200!!! Oh well ~sighs~. This means that I have already spent $600 and I know I haven’t made that much ~sighs~.
I left Heather a message and told her to screw that job ~smiles~. I tried and it is not beneficial to me in any way thus far ~chuckles~. The concept was nice. I help people out and make some money, but I have lost money. And with gas prices soaring through the summer I don’t see it getting any better ~groans~. So I must drop it like a bad habit, or good habit depending on who you are ~grins~.
I have not slept in 3 days. I am extremely jaded and sketchy like some tweaker whose been whacked on meth for days. I want to sleep, but between the pain and suffocating I am unable to sleep ~sighs~. It’s making me fucking crazy, and I don’t like being crazy! I am in the second phase, which is depression. What really sucks is I can see it happening as I slide into that hole in the shadow realm where things are slightly skewed, bent, twisted, and/or tainted, yet I am unwilling, or unable (I haven’t decided yet) to prevent the eventual outcome. I know I don’t want to be dark and introverted, but sleep deprivation and psychosis is crazy dark stuff. It is seemingly a trade off, although when I am outside looking in I don’t see the benefit for myself ~blinks~. And when I am in the depths of it there is something twisted and comforting in it as if I am the rogue in the night who sees all, yet no one sees me ~smiles wearily and mischievously~.
The third stage is flat out psychosis with my virtual detachment from reality at its peak. I start hearing conspiracy plans, family plots, etc. It’s fucked up! And what makes it worse is when I get so involved into it (regardless of its validity) that I flip out and then have to apologize for being a dumbass ~moans~.
I would now like to talk about some biological shit going on. A new strain of virus seems to be going around with the effects of pneumonia without the fever. It also causes severe back/kidney pain like knotted torn muscles in the back. It is reoccurring especially in smokers. I believe that we are undergoing some forms of biological warfare right now. I believe you will start seeing more people with sores and these muscle-mucus viruses. I just want it noted for the record ~winks~. I don’t expect anyone to do anything about it, after all we all have our problems ~smiles~. Then again it could be a stupid allergy but my disdain for the medical profession keeps me from seeking help when I should! I just want it on the record…Adam claims this biological virus going around! I mean that I noticed it ~snickers~ not that I caused it ~grins~. Let’s get that straight right now!
So life sucks ass right now, but there is so much to be thankful for. It is just so hard to see when I am so sick and hurt so much. The dry heaves continue in the early mornings ~sighs~. When is too much too much?! When does the weight of the world and one’s past mistakes become so heavy that the body crumbles physically under the psycho schematic truths conceived in delusion long ago now become biochemical highways of unbreakable perceptions seemingly camouflaged as the truth. I am alive and like a dog I will continue to live one more day…
Listen to the words and the music closely…there is something you need to hear ~smiles~
Roads to Madness Queensryche The warning
Most of this is memory now 5月16日 A Message From Whoever Your God Is!Magick asked, so I thought I would reply ~smiles~.
I still haven’t touched any alcohol and I can’t even begin to tell you how much better I feel. I still have my regular sickness, but it’s no longer compounded by poisonous kidney fluids ~cringes~. I haven’t been vomiting everyday. That is a good thing! I have started drinking “Cranberry” and that seems to have helped ~smiles~. I thought if I had the money, which I don’t ~sighs~ I would get some milkweed which is very good for the kidney and liver.
Jerry Farwell died. In my eyes he is in hell right now explaining himself for the many years of leading God’s children astray! His claim to fame is “Gay Bashing!” ~cheers sarcastically~. And all he managed by doing that was fueling sympathy for the very people he hated. The question is why did he hate them so much when it contradicts everything Jesus said to do to one’s enemy…he is a walking talking hypocrite and has masses of loyal zomificated morons who follow his “scripture”. This just goes to show how lost people and Christianity are in general when the liberal left does the work that the conservative rights preach from their own bibles. It’s a mixed up moshed up world ~chuckles~.
I shouldn’t be shocked by the stupidity and herd mentality of humanity, but it does confound me at times ~grins~ when a group or nation of peoples can have a book of simple instructions, yet they are incapable of carrying out these simple instruction in their daily lives ~smiles~. Things like loving your enemy! How much simpler does it get than that? I can only use my freewill to make my own choices, and even then I am stripped of my own mind at times! ~Roars~ Jesus said do not fear death, nor what you shall wear, nor where you shall take refuge ~smiles~. But constant worry over material things is the essence of our decadent nation!
We are a nation of kings amidst a world of suffering and poverty. The lowest welfare recipient in America does better than 82% of the world! I am not saying we did not earn it, or that we do not deserve nice material possessions, but they have become the religion of the masses, especially in America which thrives on capitalist principles. What I am saying is we could do with a little less and help those less fortunate ~smiles~. How? Now that takes some research because there are plenty of Christian (and other felonious religious) charities that give very little in the end to those who suffer.
Release these material things and worry not for your God(s) shall provide you with all that you need. In these dark times of Mamonism (the worship of materialisms) even the Christian church has got sucked into marketing Jesus off as a whore with their CD’s, TV evangelists, etc. If Jesus were here now he’d kick the crap out of the church, especially for being involved in politics! You cannot force your will upon others because that strips them of their free will that God gave them (us) to make our own choices! ~lowers eyebrow~. Nor can you have a closed prophecy because predestination on a mega scale strips us of our collective free will! Just let go of those things not living, and those things that have no true value. That doesn’t mean throw and give all your shit away either ~snickers~, it just means that don’t obsess and make it your livelihood ~smiles~, if it disappears (for whatever reason) accept it is gone.
Anyway, I quit drinking at one time for almost six years, actually I think it was longer than that but I eventually came back to the fold ~smiles~. I love beer and consider myself a connoisseur of beers much like a taster of wines ~smiles~. So that is why I am sad it is gone. Not too mention, it is also been a part of my belief system to kick ass, get sloshed, and well I am sure you know the last one? ~snickers mischievously~. And I don’t like authority not even when it is myself telling myself I must stop something ~grins~, but I am rational in the end and can adapt to the changing environment.
I am feeling great. The weather has been awesome. I am able to play Everquest and go swimming at the river. Well not yet, but soon!
Regardless of who your deity(ies) are, if you are a loving and caring individual then I got no problems with you ~smiles~, if you are a good neighbor, parent and friend you could worship Satan for all I care ~smiles~, because I must do the work that my Deity has set forth without robbing others of their right to free will and choice! ~smiles~ Jesus was not a convert. He was inspirational example! Mohammed was not a convert despite what modern day extreme psycho Islamite’s say, nor was the compassionate Buddha a violent man.
~steps off his soap box podium~
I am doing well and awnry s you can tell! ~smiles~…
Today’s song is for Mr. Farwell…
Leper Messiah Metallica Master of Puppets
Spineless from the start, sucked into the part
5月12日 Goodbye My Old Friend Alcohol!!!I have to quit drinking ~frowns~. I have always loved drinking and I have always been really good at it, but the last five or six times I have drank (usually once a week) I have ended up ill. I was hoping it was just because I had a cold or something, but this has been going on for months, now I am unable to control the vomiting when I drink.
I thought it was my stomach but apparently it is my kidneys telling me it is enough, and my body is not going to cleanse itself of alcohol anymore ~sighs~. It is either quit or wear a piss bag, and if I have to wear a piss bag I will blow my head off. I know some people live their lives with shit bags and piss bags hooked to their body. Booyah for them! I personally have a level of “quality of life” that I am not willing to budge from!
Anyway, I am quitting drinking. This should be pretty hard! Not because I don’t have the will or haven’t done it before, but because I don’t even like it when my @#$#@ing body tells me what to do ~snickers~. I have a habit of doing the exact opposite in spite of my body ~chuckles~. When my body is being authoritative to me, it might as well be someone pissing me off and making me want to be spiteful ~grins~. I don’t drink much as it is, but I don’t like being told what to do by anyone, even myself ~grins~.
I had 4 beers yesterday. Not even enough to catch a buzz! I woke up at 3am and puked my guts out and went to the bathroom twice, so I decided since I was awake I should take a shower. I got out and took a couple bong hits hoping it would put me back into lullaby land, but I tossed and turned and stared at my eyelids for the next four hours until I finally just got up out of rage! It doesn’t matter how much I drink either, it could be one beer, one shot, and I am sick ~sighs~. Well I don’t really want to kill myself so I will just quit drinking and hope my kidneys hang in there ~smiles~.
It was brought to my attention that my suffocation and lung problems may be attributed to some bad fungus I got off that crappy pot Christopher sold me ~sighs~. Aspergillus is a life threatening condition to people with suppressed immune systems like me. My lungs are still not able to fill up with air all the way and they still feel tight. What I thought was pneumonia might not have been simply because I never got a high fever, which is indicative of a pneumonia virus/infection. Aspergillus has the same exact symptoms that a bronchial asthma patient would have only without the fever. The phlegm that I have been coughing is disgusting too. It looks like tubeworms or something from a Cystic Fibrosis patient ~sighs~.
It is very much like pneumonia in the fact it only attacks people who have weak immune systems like the old, the HIV, etc. If you are healthy and have a healthy immune system your body quickly destroys Aspergillus and Pneumonia viruses, but in the immune suppressed there is not enough resources to fight yet another disease.
I finally got “Blockbuster” down and everything has been running smoothly ever since. What a great deal!!! I get three movies just like Netflix (same price too), but I can take my online movies into blockbuster where they will trade it in free for a new movie. When they scan your online movie it frees up the queue slot and they send out another movie. Now that it is working well I have not ran out of movies ~smiles~. I get six movies for the price of three “Netflix” movies!
I also bought a “Snack Card” for $6. Every time I get a movie whether you buy one or exchange one for a new one I can pick out any beverage, candy, etc. under $2, which pretty much everything is under that price ~grins~. Do the math! If I go in four times a week (I go more) at $2 a pop the ticked paid itself off in the first week ~chuckles~, so the rest of the month I am getting free candy!!! Mmmmm candy!
I can’t wait till Julie gets her raise at the end of May. We are about $500 in the hole right now. We shouldn’t be! We should have it all straightened out before our Alaskan trip. The stress of money does me no good, as a matter of fact it makes me down right sick at times ~sighs~. Especially when I try and show the wife where all the money is going and she gets mad because she works her ass off everyday and has nothing to show for it and can’t even get a coffee at Starbucks, sheesh that is $5 a pop at Starbucks.
She doesn’t understand that $2 here, $5 there turns out to be a few hundred dollars by the end of the month. She deserves to have a lunch at the cafeteria or an occasional expensive stupid coffee. She works hard and I remember what it is like to work your ass off day after day and not get any niceties, just maintaining the bare minimum of food, shelter and warmth ~sighs~. Anytime I try and make her aware of where funds are going I am instantly treated like a bad guy ~sighs~. She gets mad! And then she gets mad at herself for being unchristian and wanting things ~chuckles~. What a mess that must be in her head! Until she clamps down on her end of things we are never going to save money ~sighs~, or handle our finances effectively.
Since I have taken over the finances we have not had one late payment or one bounced check in over 3 years, so I guess I have done some good overall ~smiles~. It sure is helping our credit rating in the last couple years ~smiles~.
I have a budget that I created, so at least I know how much I need to pay the bills ~snickers~. I do that first to ensure no one spends any money that is for bills!
I am not perfect either, I use to spend $12 for a bottle of whiskey on the weekend, or $7 for a good six-pack of beers. Once a week I like to take Mariah to McDonald’s and buy her a happy meal. Sometimes I get myself something which doubles the $3 for her happy meal bringing the grand total to around $8, but that is rare. Other than beer I really don’t buy anything ~chuckles~. Anything I buy is for the house and is usually cleaning supplies and is part of our regiment. I won’t be buying alcohol anymore so that should save $40/month roughly ~smiles~, but that is all I can do.
Well there is the pot. Since they don’t have a co pay on that shit it is expensive like AZT! I am working to pay for half of my stuff too, and when I get to a point in my life where I can grow again then I’ll be spending next to nothing for it ~smiles~. The paper route pays for a good portion of my Marijuana. I haven’t even been able to buy the good stuff from the dispensary because of money problems, so the quality of pot is less, which means I need to smoke more, and it could be tainted, poisoned or laced. At the very least commercial Marijuana is usually grown with harsh manmade non-organic chemicals, and the product is much weaker than certified organic medical marijuana.
I swear if I have one more fucking summer without having the money to go camping or fishing I am going to rob someone or something! The last two fucking Summers I have been stuck in this house instead of camping and fishing, which are the loves of my life. I will rob a convenience store like I did when I was a kid to get my meth money ~chuckles~. Ahhh hell if I’m gonna possibly get caught I might as well kidnap someone’s kid or rob a bank! Personally, I would like to see everyone in America that is poor rise up against the rich and redistribute the wealth. The only reason the vast majority of rich people are rich is because they won the lottery at birth! It’s not like a lot of them actually made their way to the top! But since everyone in America is a pussy I doubt that will ever happen ~grins~.
Mom and dad got here a couple days ago from Yuma, Arizona. They are suppose to come by sometime today. It will be nice to see them again ~smiles~.
All in all my life is doing really good right now and I have many things to be grateful for, now if I could just fix the imperfect things ~grins~.
I hope you all are doing great and prospering!...
Manowar Gods of War
Upon his shoulders perch two ravens, hugging and muninn. They circle the earth by
5月7日 Spaces Suck/ DVD Rental ReviewI haven’t been able to change my songs lately ~sighs~. I get a “Temporarily Out of Order” page. I never had this problem until that stupid “Live” shit launched ~groans~. I went and got the newest player and put it on my site and still can’t get the songs to change.
I looked it up on the Internet and it said it was my provider, which is Yahoo/Geocities. What I can’t understand is why all of a sudden? I never had problems with it before “Live” came out!
Anyway, it is pissing me off ~chuckles~.
I have been watching a lot of movies since I started “Blockbuster”. I will recap on them a little:
“An Inconvenient Truth” Oh my God! How did this piece of shit win an Oscar?! No offense to environmentalist and people who care about our Earth, but I fell asleep twice trying to watch the monotone drudgery that is Al Gore ~snores~. The facts were there, and I believe what I heard to be true, but it was surely no Oscar winning event!!! Who is in charge of awards now days? Bugs Bunny? Mickey Mouse? Goofy?
I give Inconvenient Truth a 1 star rating because it was the most boring documentary I have ever seen thus far!
“Man of the Year” I enjoyed this movie ~smiles~. It started out pretty funny and slowly worked its way into a comedy – drama. There were many renowned actors besides Robin Williams. I give this a 3 Star rating.
“The Hitcher” If you have children who don’t listen and run off and think they know everything about life and could karate kicks the crap out of the bad guys? Then make them watch this movie. My daughter did, and now she knows of what evil lurks out there to destroy human life. That should last a week if I’m lucky ~sighs~.
The movies was almost the same as the original “Hitcher” with Reutger (or however you spell it) ~grins~. I thought it was a cool remake and was entertaining enough to get a 3 out of 5 star rating.
“Black Christmas” What can I say, if you have seen as many horror movies as I have they all start blending together as one big gothic serial killer sex fest! This was actually a duet of crazed serial killers that were orangish-yellow from a liver problem. The mother had sex with the son and created a daughter, need I say more?
The gore was relatively tamed and the special effects were pretty lame. Parts of the movie where cool and creepy, as they crawled between the walls and above in the attic, but all and all it was lame. I didn’t jump once ~sighs~. It was entertaining enough for a 3 star rating ~snickers~.
“The Prestige” was a rather long and dark movie much like the “Illusionist” with Edward Norton. It was a movie of historical fiction based around the time of Houdini. I enjoyed how it showed the dark thievery and obsession that illusionists go through to receive and learn their tricks ~grins~. I found it refreshingly educational in that aspect. I give it a 3 star rating.
You might be asking yourself how my rating works. Well it just does! ~chuckles~ I’ll explain real quick:
I use a 1 to 5 star rating. Everything starts out at 3 and either works its way up or down to 1 or 5. The vast majority of movies are entertaining enough to watch (making them a 3) but rarely incorporate emotion, intrigue, suspense, new techniques, etc. that aspire to become classical art, as opposed to the endless sea of garbage created by Hollywood and friends ~chuckles~.
A movie that is too long, has little or no plot, dark, bad acting, etc. will find its way moving down the rating system to a 2 or 1. And if a movie keep me on the edge of my seat and/or incorporating new edgy techniques, if the acting is incredibly believable then it could find its way into the epic categories of 4 and the very rare 5 ~grins~.
I hope everyone is fine or better! ~smiles~ 5月3日 Netflix Sucks! So Does the Corporate World!I have been with “Netflix” since its inception unto the internet. And for many years it has been a good service with little or no problem. Once they had a class action suite against them because they were lying about how long it took to get movies back. They fixed that by making more service/mailer locations.
In the last three months however, my movies have been disappearing somewhere between the post office and the Netflix distribution center. I wrote a letter to Netflix stating my concern that I believed foul play may be afoot in their Spokane office. The only solution is someone from the distribution center is stealing DVDs.
Instead of writing me a letter telling me what a great customer I have been and how they wouldn’t want to lose my business, I get a fucking standard letter that basically tells me a I am a liar and a loser. They are sorry I quit their service but they want their money ~snickers~, so I shut down the credit card I used to pay them with ~grins~. They’ll get paid when I am good and ready to pay just like they would do if they owed me money! After many years this is the way they treat their most loyal customers?! Do not invest in “Netflix”, I repeat do not invest into “Netflix”. It is going down!
I moved to “Blockbuster’s Total Access” because my mom and dad really like it and it is really the only other service out there ~sighs~.
The first movie they sent me was broken, so right away I had to report a problem and I couldn’t watch my movie ~sighs~, but one of the cool things about Total Access is that you can turn your mailer movies in for free movies at the Blockbuster. They swear you will never run out of movies, but alas I am running out of them ~sighs~.
I brought back two movies and it said they should automatically release from my queue when they scan them at the store, but it doesn’t show anything on the website, which is really stupid, at least Netflix shipping site works properly. The people at the Blockbuster store told me to do something on the report a problem section of the disk, now I don’t know what the hell is going on but I am getting no movies!!!
I get so sick of corporate promises that they can’t maintain, but they lie their asses off based on some corporate model of how something should work when in reality it doesn’t work worth shit. It is just created to spawn interest and hopes in the consumers of this country only to eventually let them down!
I won’t even get into the shady and dark fathoms of the cell phone rip off industry!!! I don’t own a cell phone.
This is why blogging is important, we as consumers can write about our disdain of lying corporations who only give a shit about the holy $$$$ and place people second.
The smartest move Blockbuster could have made was “Total Access”. I have friends in the video/DVD industry and they have been telling me since Netflix came out they have been losing their asses and were bound for destruction and removal from the business society. That is when Blockbuster came up with one of the most brilliant business ideas that I have ever seen, but unfortunately once again it doesn’t work as promised ~sighs~. Blockbuster literally saved the walk-in retail/rental DVD industry from folding.
We are financially drowning again ~cheers~. We are waiting for Julie’s partial bonus and her raise to help catch things up, but as of now we are barely making it now that all the bonus and tax money has slowly dwindled away. Someday we are going to get to save money, I swear it!!! Probably when “Disability” pulls their head out of their ass and gives me my money, which I found out why I am fighting so hard!
My doctor in his 25 years of practice has never written anyone off for disability. The most he has given them is a occupational therapy. I feel like going down and breaking all his fucking bones and telling him to enjoy making fucking $9/hr the rest of his fucking life doing retard work somewhere!!!
Doctors just infuriate me with their arrogance, their inability to diagnose anything right, and their shitty bedside manner compounded by crappy clinics and hasty results! They have the nerve to tell me to go home and die, but that I am fully capable of working till then. I am fucking sick 40% of the year…who the fuck is going to hire me?!?! I can see it now:
“Well mister Summerhill any problems that might cause you to miss work?”
“Yes sir but don’t worry I’ll be here 3 out of 5 days if we’re lucky…first off I have an immune deficiency disease which causes me to get sick all the time unless I hide out away from normal people, do normal people come in your place of business?
I have “Potassium” issues that cause very unpleasant side effects from time to time, including bleeding, kidney failure, heart failure, etc. It doesn’t happen often provided I have money for my supplements.
Then there is the constant bleeding and early morning vomiting, but I am usually fine by 10AM and able to carry out the rest of the day without too much hacking or vomiting.
Oh because of my blood clotting (DVT) I am suppose to be on my ass with my legs elevated above my heart except for the 30 minutes a day when I am suppose to be exercising. So if you have a reclining chair I could sit in that would be nice.
Sometimes my Fibromyalgia and Depression are so bad I can’t get out of bed and all I want to do is kill myself! I can be quite snide, cynical and sarcastic when I am in lots of pain (not too mention downright violent) and could care less about anyone or anything.
And then there is my Hidradenitis Suppurativa which can be extremely painful and debilitating, but don’t worry it isn’t really contagious even though it looks like it!
I have severe PTSD and this causes me to have erratic behaviors, during bouts if I am startled or scared I can rip someone apart and hospitalize them before I realize what is going on, but don’t worry it’s only happened a few times in the last year.
Oh and the last two bosses I have had barely got away from me or I would have killed them. Fortunately I was not arrested because they were too fast for me, so you might want to think about what you say to me before you say it so I don’t kill you and end up in prison!”
Employer: “Ah yes, great Mr. Summerhill you are exactly the kind of employee we are looking for and you’ll be happy to know that you will be making minimum wage in the process, isn’t this great!?”
It is a matter of fucking common sense, which apparently every aspect/branch of our government is lacking. They have all these committees and rules to make sure each person isn’t ripping them off, meanwhile they are taking us for every fucking penny they can ~sighs~. People who lie get disability right away, while people who are honest seems to get mired down in the political beauracracy of our SSI office.
My family suffers because of a doctor who is anus and makes 300K a year while forcing me to work at minimum wage. Like I said break all his fucking bones and see how he likes occupational therapy and making minimum wage ~grins evilly~, perhaps his attitude will be adjusted!!! And on top of this our Social Security Disability panel doesn’t have the fucking brains God gave a gnat, even a gnat can add 2 + 2!
Oh well I’ll just keep on keepin’ on until my ticker stops or I am forced to lay my wrath upon the world, if people would just listen and use their god given common sense none of this would even be necessary. No one would be killing anyone! But our inability to listen or give a shit about others will continue to create a world of festering problems until we annihilate ourselves in our own apathy and stupidity ~grins~.
Other than that everything is going great! I am out of pills and have no money for them. The doctor gives me a month or two without my pills before I am dead, but I can feel the difference in a day or two. I get serious headaches and then TIA’s from my BP (which is uncontrollable at this point even on medications). I am out of pot because my dispensary was a couple grams short last time. They will make it up this next time, but that doesn’t help me right now!!! ~screams~ I am out till Friday!
My wife says I have to make it to our Alaskan trip, so that as my only goal right now, to stay alive until that day comes ~chuckles~. After that I am free to go to Heaven! Oh to have all this pain and suffering end for all eternity!…
Hail Odin!!! These were the original sons of God. Huge men who were once spoken in the Bible as the Sons of God and the Nephilim…
The Blood of Odin Manowar Gods of War
Upon his shoulders perch two ravens, hugging and muninn. They circle the earth by |
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