I leave on my vacation at the end of this week.  I still haven’t found a doctor that will give me any medications because they are dumbasses, even though they know I can’t bring my pot on the ship with me, so it inspired me to put this song on.

If you’re a doctor fuck you prove me wrong.  I have been bleeding and throwing up for two fucking years every single fucking day!!!  I have pain that even pain specialists say is some of the most extreme pain people can have, yet you fucking toy with me!!!

I have no priors.  I have never asked for more than I have been given.  I have never lied and called in saying I left my prescription on my car, or filled multiple prescriptions from multiple doctors!!!  But because of the way I look I am automatically a drug addict.  Fuck you I hate this world, if my wife’s trip to Alaska is ruined in anyway (because this is a dream for her) I don’t know what I will do!!!

I put this song down and you fucking losers in the medical field better listen intently and adhere to true principles and not HMO’s and assumptions!!!

This is my last post until I return:

Then I will decide how I will take my frustrations out on the medical industry!

Life is Killing Me

Life is Killing Me

Type O Negative

Like a Jew in ancient Spain
And for Christ's name did pay with pain
Modern day inquisition
What is the link between these crafts?
Doctors and thieves, they both wear masks
Overpaid meat magicians

Life is killing me

Your doctorate and Ph.D.
Would wipe my ass etched in feces
Will not cure your affliction
Doctors Jeckyll or Mengele
And your face too, they're just a blur
Can't improve my condition

Life is killing me

Appointment made, waited three hours
Did not realize you had such power
I'd rather see a mortician
Your parents saved or had the bucks
Your education stems from luck
Future corpse: death by physician

I have no choice: devoid of rights
So pull the plug, it's my damned life
Keep me alive to increase your bill
A Red Cross hell? - the hospital!

Just let me die with dignity
It's not suicide, simply mercy

Just who do you think you are?
Medical school don't make you God
Now I don't care what you've been taught
Just get me off this life support

Just let me die, with dignity
It's not suicide, simply mercy

Life is killing me

Is it I or are Americans just stupid and forgetful in general?

I was watching CNN this morning and they had “Chemical Ali” on there that was Saddam Hussein’s brother.  He is being tried for war crimes against the Kurds that happened decades ago.

First point I would like to make is that we “America” gave Saddam the Sarin gas to use on Kurds in order to control that area for oil.  With the Kurds under control the oil can resume.  We gave them the Sarin gas they used on the Kurds.

We gave them the gas to use on Iranians, but if you look at the “Wilderness Magazine” and other credible sources you will find that during that whole mess the Sarin gas was actually to be used to control the Kurds.  This whole sham has been about a huge oil pipeline running threw several countries with Pakistan, Iraq, Iran and Kazakhstan being just three of them…things that make you say hmmmmm?  Aren’t we about to get into war with Iran hmmm?  Aren’t they part of that pipeline plan by Unocal?  Hmmmm?

This happened decades ago and was not a big deal to America back then, why should it be now?

It is important now because of the “Bait and Switch” that was used on stupid Americans who for some reason can’t remember past the last Paris Hilton jail scene!  Osama Bin Laden fucking blew up the twin towers and we have yet to get him and we will never get him.  The Bush family has to act like they are doing something about terrorism while not catching the true criminals in charge of the incident at 9/11.

Why?

Because the Bin Laden family and the Bush family have been sleeping together for decades and are investors of the same military complexes and have been board members at the same time on the Carlyle Group.  The 7^th largest military contractor in the world!  They are responsible for one of the main troop carriers the M2 Bradley.

We will never ever, ever catch Bin Laden because if we did the Bin Laden family would pull their 7% American Investments out of our country and cripple us for weeks, perhaps even months.  It is a giant game of economical blackmail.  I ask you what kind of government allows foreigners to buy up American Investments and Lands?!?!  The greedy kind that only care about themselves and not the future generations of Americans.

What about George Bush?  He violated several statutes of the Geneva convention as well as our own constitutional provisions to protect us!  In 20 years could we see him be held accountable for all the murders of our children overseas, not to mention violating world and country dictates?

The rich elite and political powers move you around as they will and you are so pathetically stupid you allow them to do so without question because your life is so much more important when getting kids to soccer practice and making dinner that you couldn’t possibly pull your heads out of your asses for one fucking minute and see the obvious truth regardless of political biases.  It seems that the majority of people only truly care about themselves and their immediate family.  Who has the time to take care of our nation anymore?  So we just gave it away to the rich elite who bought out our delegates who now work for “we the corporations” instead of we the people.

We are a dying nation and even though it would take another hundred years for us to decay into another nationality, but unfortunately the world won’t be here much longer than 2012.  This is the beginning of the end.  Thanks to all those people who think their voice doesn’t matter and don’t do shit…your apathy has greatly helped your country fall into Roman degradation!

While I am on my rant box I would like to rant about a immigration too:

Immigration…this has been a problem in our country for over 100 years, since we outlawed them and their Marijuana in the early 1900’s.  The loss of the farmer being consumed by conglomerate farm corporations who pay politicians millions a year to ensure the immigration problem never gets fixed…you’re a dumbass if you think there is any other reason behind no fixing it ~snickers~.  If we had delegates who actually gave a shit about their people instead of corporation kickbacks it would have been fixed 60 years ago.

One must also think about the economy.  These illegal Mexicans get paid 2-3 bucks an hour to do a job that I wouldn’t do for 9 bucks an hour, however when this immigration thing is fixed and they are all forced to get minimum wage you can expect your vegetable and fruits to skyrocket to about $3-$4 bucks a pound…the extra $4 an hour they will be forced to give the illegal aliens are going to come out the consumers pockets           ~laughs~.  If you think they are going to take it from the profit margin, think again dumbass!

The only legal bitch anyone has for immigration besides them dirty Mexicans sleeping in your wooded areas (I’m half Mexican so shut the fuck up) is the fact they do not pay taxes, however if they have to pay taxes then they get minimum wage…see the real problem here?  Probably not, just keep on watching American Idol because it’s so fucking important!  Screw your grandchildren because everything is going good for you now right?  You’re getting buy neck deep in debt so you can look a tad better than your neighbor, why would you rock the boat? ~snickers at the dumbass sheep~

My only wish is for God to come and burn this shithole out of existence and all it’s stupidity with it, then God can sort them all out and everything will be finished.  I think God did much better with the dinosaurs!  What the fuck was God thinking when we were given freewill…or did we steal it from the tree of knowledge?

I tried for the last two years to tell people to move and change, alas that time has come and past now…the end is near and 2012 is the beginning of the end!  The time for change is too late we can no longer save our planet, now things are set into motion which no man, nor woman can change!…

We went to Matthew’s yesterday for father’s day.  There were all sorts of little ones playing, steaks BBQ’ing, and family.  I missed Julie though, I swear I kept hearing her voice, or holidays just don’t seem right without her ~smiles~.

I have been calling Julie everyday, but last night she broke down.  She has been doing very well in class so everyone thinks she is a showoff and she is 10-15 years older than most the people at her training.

She misses us and being a stout Christian she is having a rough time with all the youngsters that only care about drinking and acting different than they normally are because they are away from home…shame on them.

I told her to do the best she can because them other people don’t pay her rent, nor do they love her, so she only has to worry about herself and not what others think about her.  She really likes to have everyone like her but that is just not reality ~smiles~.

She was feeling better by the time we got off the phone.  She just misses us because she is surrounded by the devil.  She has been cast into the wolves like a lone sheep!  1.5 more weeks and she’ll be back home and then we leave on our cruise ~cheers~.

Thanks for the gift package Marji ~grins~.  I am feeling no pain for once in my life ~chuckles~.  Hopefully I won’t eat them all before the trip ~grins~.

They came just in time because I did something to my back and pulled it really bad.  I don’t know how, I guess it’s just called getting old ~sighs~.  I made it worse by not being in pain because then I ripped that muscle more ~sighs~.  It’s a double-edged sword I tell ya! ~grins~.

I can’t take pot on my trip with me, so I am stocking up on whatever I can.  I want Julie to have a great time on the trip and I don’t think that is going to happen without some medicinal help ~sighs~.

Julie said the batteries in the camera only lasted like 5 pictures ~chuckles~.  The lithium ion batter is like 5 or 6 years old, so I bought two new ones.  Now we will have one charged and one in the camera.  That should do it!

I got a new 1GB compact flash for my camera.  I put it on the best settings I could and it takes 611 pictures.  On the lowest settings I can get like 4000 pictures ~laughs insanely~.  I think 611 is enough for anyone ~grins~.

My house is thrashed.  Malachi said he would do the dishes, but I think he just says that ~chuckles~.  I don’t think he is really going to do them ~snickers~.  The first chance he gets he is probably going to take the bus out of here and go visit friends.  I doubt I will see him much this summer now that he has his summer bus pass.

Our summer sucks so far.  It has been rainy, windy and not very warm!  Every once in a while we miss a summer here.  It just passes us by.  We get an extension of a warmer winter, but it never gets above 75 on a good day.  It hasn’t happened in 10 years but is looking like it might be a crappy summer this year ~sighs~.

Everyone up here gets a psychological disorder that comes with long winters and grey skies.  We usually get a reprieve during the summer and get enough sunshine and vitamin D to make it through the next winter, but on the dark cold winters it is awful.  The people become dark and almost tainted with evil.  They are mean, short sighted, and generally vicious.  However a single good summer could change all that!  We still got 2 months so we’ll see.  We already have lost June ~sighs~.

That all for now…

I have been having a problem lately with little brown outs, surges and power loss in my apartment.  This almost caused a fatal error in my computer that would not have been recoverable if not for my back up.  Therefore I would like to talk about a couple things:

When backing up NEVER delete your backup then try to back up, if I had done that and the power went out I would have lost everything.  I would have lost 100’s of hours of music collecting, programs, etc.

I recommend that everyone keep and external hard drive with a back up, but an important thing to KNOW is you must leave enough room for one full back up on your external drive.  The reason for this is because you want to ARCHIVE the old file until your new backup is securely on the drive.  Then, you can erase the archive freeing up space needed for the new back up.

Worst-case scenario is I would have had to reformat my computer install ghost and then run the image to my computer!  But you have to have a backup plan to do this ~smiles~.

My major concern with the popping surges and brown outs is the good possibility that it will pop and/or wear out my power supply, motherboard and even my processor.  It only takes and extra 30v to fry your system, most systems I find have auto shutdown on their motherboards to prevent this, but anyone who lives in wild thunderstorm country can attest to the abuse they put on a computer.

I have been putting off buying a UPS (Uninterruptible Power Supply). I don’t know why, just lazy I guess ~grins~. They come in varying prices, sizes, abilities, and intelligent software.  I picked out a nice house model that can handle up to 900v for 15-25 minutes.  It also protects against brownouts and power surges.  This way the UPS will take heat off the amount of power I am running which keeps blowing circuits ~chuckles~.  It only happens in the computer room, Master Bedroom and Malachi’s room.  At first I thought my power supply was dying because the TV and clocks out in the living room didn’t go off, but as I looked around the rest of the rooms the alarm clocks were all blinking 12:00, so I eliminated the power supply problem from the equation.  I either have a short in my apartment or the entire complex sucks, which I am sure it is the latter ~snickers~.

The wiring in this place just sucks.  They are nice apartments.  Compact but clean, however someone can flip a switch three floors up and twelve apartments across and I get a click in my computer speakers, so I will finally put an end to this, so if you live in a place with power issues do yourself a favor and don’t wait as long as I did.  Do some research on Power Protectors, UPS, and surge protectors.  Most of them even guarantee the safety of hundreds of thousands of dollars ~smiles~, for as little as $25.

Doing well even though the wife is away for two days.  I actually made dinner with vegetables last night and my mom and dad are bringing dinner on Thursday night ~smiles~.  I just got done scrubbing toilets, sweeping, and mopping…oh yeah and a load of laundry ~grins~.

It’s kind of nasty and rainy outside.  We are going to have a late summer it looks like ~sighs~.  As if nine months of grey wasn’t enough, every once in a while mother nature has to take a summer away from us too ~frowns~.  Hopefully it will start perking up here in a few weeks.

I plan on taking Mariah on her first fishing trip in the next couple weeks.  We’ll probably spend the night at “Fish Trap”.  It’s got camping spots and lots of little 6”-8” fry on the docks.  Hell the kids don’t care they are just happy as shit catching their first fish ~smiles~.  I took Malachi out from the time he was in a stroller ~chuckles~.  He has been fishing a long time, but I don’t’ think he really understands the fish yet ~smiles~.

Anyway, I’m happy for the time being and everyone is alive and well!…

I’ll be “Goddamned” if I didn’t go to my brother in laws’ girlfriend’s party and forget my damned camera in the van.  I never even thought about it.  I would have loved to catch the birthday girl Christina half passed out from drinking hard.

As most you know I have quit drinking, but I made this a special occasion.  I drank 6 margaritas, a quarter of a 1/5^th of Evan Williams sour mash whiskey and I am smashed.

I had a really good time and did a lot of laughing…laughing is good medicine ~smiles~.

OK it’s the next day and feel like complete and total dog shit.  I was so drunk last night I couldn’t even go to sleep.  Everything just kept spinning around and around ~snickers~, so I had to get up.  Today I have a pounding headache, but that is to be expected.

I didn’t get kidney sick, which was nice, but I am still not going to drink regularly.  It has been a month or two since I had anything to drink and the way I am feeling now, it will probably be another month or two ~snickers~.

I have spent my painfully recuperative day downloading tunes.  I am working on Jane’s Addiction, Uriah Heap, Rainbow (old), and Type O Negative ~smiles~.

I haven’t felt much like blogging lately.  I have been either too busy or too depressed ~sighs~.  Too depressed to blog about how depressed I am ~grins~.  I thought about at least putting a new song up every now and then so people would know I am alive ~smiles~.

Julie leaves tomorrow for three weeks of training in Indianapolis, so we won’t see her for 3 weeks.  Then when she gets home we leave the next day for our cruise ~chuckles~, so the kids won’t see mommy for a month.  It makes me wonder how some people can have truck driving jobs, railroad workers, etc. that takes you away from your family for months at a time.  I guess if you hated your ugly wife and your miserable little brats it might make a man want to work far away or lots of overtime ~snickers~.

Julie hasn’t ever been away this long without some patriarch of the family keeping an eye on me ~snickers~.  Now we live far enough away that no patriarch can come keep an eye me, so she is nervous I’ll kill someone or burn the apartment complex down, but I am only as responsible as I have to be ~grins~.  I do what I have to do to take care of shit, if it means killing 1000 people then that is what I will do, if it means keeping order in my house until the patriarch gets back then so be it ~smiles~.  I’m sure I’ll be fine.

I preprogrammed my core systems when I was young to ensure that I never hurt anyone that I love, women, children, animal, family, etc.  However, anyone else I perceive as a threat whether real or not is not going to be around me long ~grins~.  Although I seem to fall apart at the seams from time to time I can assure all inquiries that my core programming is inerasable and was set forth purposely by myself to ensure that my ROM was not a EEPROM ~snickers~, if you don’t know what the means don’t worry about it…85% of the people in the world don’t know what it means ~chuckles~.

Anyway, I gotta get ready to meet mom and dad for dinner at the buffet…

Yesterday I was playing Everquest with my guild.  We were turning in blockers for the Demi-Plane when my IP Comcast went down.  This happened the other morning to while hunting monsters with a friend.

I find it funny that just a few days ago I was telling someone how reliable Comcast was and how I haven’t had any problems in years that I can remember.  Then it starts crapping out!  ~sneers at the irony~

The ludicrous part of the whole situation is that you would think this would happen during the winter when we have ice storms, sleet, winds, snow, rain, and the occasional tornado, but no it waits for the hottest day of the year, the nicest day of the year so far ~grins~.

I was just getting ready to bid on an augmentation for my gear too.

I did bring my “Raid Average %” back up, so I am not longer restricted in point to bidding, but that won’t really help if I keep getting knocked offline.  The messed up part is when I log in all the monsters are going to kill me ~sighs~ because of where I got kicked out.’

Julie will be leaving for training next week.  I will be alone at home with the kids for three weeks.  This has the wife really nervous.  I am sure she will have friends come and check up on me and the kids to make sure I haven’t gone to jail or burned the apartment complex down ~snickers~.

My wife knows me.  I always do what I need to do!  I can kill a man without flinching, I have endured painful suffering in harsh environments, I lead a group of drug terrorist for several years making methamphetamines and was never caught, so it is funny that my wife would worry about such things ~grins~.  The odds of getting in trouble when she is gone increases because I have no one to calm me down ~grins~ or give me brain moral directives ~snickers~.

My mom and dad came over yesterday.  They bought us some binoculars for the cruise, so we can see bears and stuff on the shoreline ~smiles~.  They brought over the documents for the cruise.  I am starting to get excited, but first I have 3 weeks to get through without my wife ~grins~.  If I’m alive and not in jail by the time she gets back then I am off to the great white north!  It’s a beauty way to go, eh….

I am doing great and I hope all of you are as well ~smiles~…