I got and email from change.org today talking about how we need to do stuff to change, but all I saw was more whoring for money!  No information on how to volunteer for any of the issues.  We just want your fucking money!!!  Now that’s change I can believe in ~sighs~.

 

You know what fucking change is!!!???

 

It’s looking at your neighbors yard down the street that looks like shit, then instead of telling everyone what a loser he is you go down and talk to him first!  You might find that he is crippled or very ill, then you would offer to help him with his yard so he doesn’t look like a meth addict!!!  Now that’s change!!!  Even if he wasn’t crippled and was a dirt bag perhaps people being nice to them could change them, and if not oh well never hurts to try!  I know a lot of prophets and saviors of various religions talked like that; Jesus said to do good to those who hate you and be kind to your enemies…because Jesus knew if they had any kind of conscious or soul at all the guilt would eventually change them, but any conflict gives one justification to perpetuate their existence…

 

All this presidential crap aside…it us the Americans who need to change at the core of our beings.  Most the Americans I know are shallow, self-centered (even the Christians) and prone to gossip!!!  Not that they aren’t good people, but are blinded by the perception of what reality is and what is really important ~smiles~.

 

How about this?  How about you all act fucking civil to each other and start helping each other or perhaps learning why a situation is the way it is, perhaps you will even make a new friend in the process.  If we don’t change at the core of our virtue (that most lack) then nothing is going to change EVER!  We will just run ourselves into the ground!  We will constantly find others to blame for our inability to accept blame for ourselves or step up to the plate!

 

How many times have you have seen someone on the street and thought something like; “Thank god I’m not that loser/person/etc”, “Oh what a scumbag drug addict”  Do you think people really want to be like that?!  No they are escapists from a world that sucks!!!  They obviously were not loved properly as children, which very few are now days!  We all have an addiction..EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US!!!  Perhaps your addiction is God/Religion and doing everything perfectly right by what you perceive to be God’s idealisms, perhaps you work too much and your family suffers for it, perhaps money is everything to you and without it you are a mean person and will do just about anything to get it, Perhaps martyrs is your drug of choice?  “Whoa is me and all that I do, and I get no appreciation for it”, perhaps it’s gambling, sex, drugs, etc.  We all have idiosyncrasies and addictions! ~smiles~

 

Maybe change would be actually spending 15-30 minutes a day with your fucking children just talking like I do instead of turning on the fucking boob tube, grabbing the paper and acting all exhausted from a hard days work sitting on your ass in an office all day ~sighs~  Oh I don’t have time for my kids I have very important stuff to do!  My self-centeredness and selfishness come before ALL!  Perhaps change would be stuffing that crap up your ass and actually doing what is right.

 

So often I see parents devaluing their small children by punishing them for breaking a material possession, so in essence to a child you just told them that material possessions are worth more than they are!  When my kids broke something I sat down and explained it too them and the value of money that we don’t have, and because I treated them like human beings they both excel in honors.  My daughter Mariah is already and overachiever at her school ~chuckles~.  But I’m the deadbeat dad who smokes pot ~snickers~.  I love it when some snooty fuck with a kid who gets C’s tries and talk shit about how I raise my kids and my pot smoking.  They usually leave flustered not understanding why I am happier and my children are more adjusted then there.  Well perhaps if you made your kids feel worthy instead of like some fucking debt or tax deduction they would appreciate you more and want to please you! ~smiles~

 

Change could be meditation so you can actually hear God instead of asking shit from him all the time!!!  Maybe if people listened instead of running around like chickens with their heads cut off all the time, they could finally understand what is truly important.  I guess I am fortunate in that terminal illnesses gave me a better view on life and made me understand true importance instead of the herd mentality of what they perceive to be importance! ~smiles~

 

Perhaps change for you is jumping out of your car to help someone stranded instead of just driving by them at 60mph while they are freezing in the cold, confused, angry and sad.  Maybe they don’t have or can’t afford a cell phone, perhaps the person you saw on the news last night that froze to death was a person you drove by as you told yourself “Ahh, they probably got a cell phone they’ll be fine”

 

If people truly want to change here in America they could actually start caring or at least acting like it instead of killing people and employees to save a few fucking dollars at Wal-Mart!  I am convinced the people who shop at Wal-Mart are going to spend everlasting life in the Hell not of their choosing!  We all know Wal-Mart has terrible issues with human treatment in China, so basically you sell your soul to save a few extra dollars ~grins~.

 

The “Devil” by whatever name you or your lame religions wish to give him has blinded you all with technology, illusions and perceptions of what people think are important, but I fear in the next few years you will finally understand change, and it won’t be the kind you want, but I don’t see anyone changing around me.  My wife is just the same, the kids are just the same, and the world seems to be just as uncaring, cold, calculating and devious as ever! ~smiles~

 

Let us cast off our inhibitions and fears, let us bring in a new dawn, let the world unite and join in force to tell those of power and money they no longer rule us, let us tell the Dark Lords their illusions have been seen and we truly know what the Thrown of Infinite Light looks like!!! ~cheers~

 

I don’t see it happening, but I am already on a roll doing my part.  I have been for months!

 

For some of you, you will just have to do the opposite of what you think until it becomes real and you understand why you should have been doing these things since the beginning ~smiles~.

 

Yes I am out of my Marijuana!!!  My insides have been bleeding really badly lately and I have been very ill, but I haven’t let it stop me from working out and doing cardio…I have just been needing a lot more sleep and down time.  I refuse to give up on my working out I don’t care if it is killing me!!!  I REFUSE TO WAIVER!!!

 

I can’t get Xanax or Valium ( I don’t like that shit anyways) because I had a meth problem that I quit 15 years ago ~sighs~, but for some reason even though I have severe mental ailments that require such medication to keep me from accidentally killing people, so I am forced to use street drugs even if I didn’t want too ~chuckles~.  I am out for a week or two, I will probably end up in the hospital or mental ward in the next few days ~sighs~.

 

I was walking the dog today (my 105 pound Rottweiler) and I haven’t had any pot, so I probably shouldn’t even be in public ~chuckles~, but I can’t let anything stop me from working out and the dog needs exercise or he becomes aggressive, so anyways, I’m about a block and a half away from this lady and she start yelling.  I thought she was saying “get your dog” because she was standing in front of someone’s house holding bags and I thought maybe she was waiting for a car to pull out or something…as I get closer she is yelling “is that your dog” to which I say, “yes” then she says “people who have just had cancer surgery shouldn’t be around big dogs” and being cordial I say, “Oh really, why is that?”  Then she has the gall to say “Use your brain!”  If she had been a guy she would have been in ICU for the next week or two, so I am glad it was a woman.  She was very mean too me, so I retorted back, “You’re Mean Lady!”  Then she says I’m mean because I am walking my fucking dog, so of course I had to ask her, “So did you have brain cancer and they cut the nice part out of our brain”  it went down hill from there.  Quincy leaped at her once he saw how angry she was making me!  I just told her she was a bitch and moved on!

 

I thought about it afterwards and perhaps she was a dementia/Alzheimer’s person wandering around the street, albeit we do have a few crazy houses in our neighborhood that house low-grade crazies.  I didn’t really feel bad though because the woman was untalkable too and she was just plain mean, but I guess if you don’t know who the fuck you are or why your standing in the middle of the road it could make one mean like me when my IERD goes off ~shrugs~.  It scared me more than anything because that might be me in several years ~sighs~.  However Marijuana is suppose to slow the onset of Alzheimer’s and Dementia ~smiles~.

 

When I leave Quincy and come back home he gets very excited and nips me with his front teeth..it hurts, so we are working on his separation anxiety ~smiles~.  He doesn’t even know why he has it, but he just knew one owner for 3 years then got dumped off at my house 2.5 weeks ago, so he doesn’t know why, but he has separation anxiety bad, but we’ll get him over that! ~smiles~

 

He tried to eat a couple kids at the bus stop this morning but they deserved it…I don’t know why dumb kids gotta tease a huge ass Hellhound?!  Of course a Rottweiler should never be in public without a leash on ~smiles~.  I take him to the hills and work on his “Come” commands…he is getting very good, but one thing about Rottweilers is once their mind is set on something it is very hard to break their concentration with yells, yips or claps, hence the reason they should be on a leash in public.

 

I do take him out back in our community park when the kids are in school and play tug o war with him and fetch.  I am getting a crapload more exercise now too but I think I figured it out as I am now only losing 2 pounds a week again instead of 5 ~cringes~.  I don’t want a bunch of nasty skin hanging off me when I get sexy!  Not that I don’t have a bunch of women trying to steal me from my wife anyways ~chuckles~.  It’s never going to happen!!!  I love my wife too much, although some of them hotties sure make me wanna….well you know! ~chuckles~

 

I’ve incorporated full body stretching to my routine and it has helped somewhat with my bursitis and arthritis, mostly I am doing it to prepare for Yoga when I get down to around 200, so I want to start getting limber and protecting myself from injuries ~smiles~.  I got a beginners video from TAMILEE WEBB…she’s hot! ~chuckles~  although most fitness instructors do have tight little bodies! ~smiles~

 

My friend gave me some Xanax but I don’t like it.  It actually makes me worse, but it does relax my muscles to point of jelly!  Hard to kick someone’s ass when you feel like jelly…but instead of being mad it creates severe anxiety in me which is ever worse because I shut down and blackout.  I blacked out the other day for over an hour, I have no idea what I was doing, where I was or anything.  I am praying that my disease is not manifesting itself with God’s Speed?! ~sighs~

 

If it gets too bad and I ever hurt or think I am going to hurt anyone I am going to take myself out!  Hopefully that will never happen!  I am getting healthier to try and live long enough to spoil my grandkids and make my children’s life a living hell! ~chuckles~ Ahhh…the vengeance of grandparents! ~cheers~.  My mom and dad come buy and take the kids out for Ice Cream for dinner sometimes…it pisses me off to no end!!!  My parents never gave us ice cream for dinner!!! ~chuckles~  As a matter of fact dinner was generally a knock down, drag out fight to get me to eat anything! ~chuckles~

 

Well I guess I should rap this novel up! ~smiles~

 

I wanted to put down this Pink Floyd Song because I think it relates to my first part of this blog:

 

"On The Turning Away"

On the turning away
From the pale and downtrodden
And the words they say
Which we won't understand

"Don't accept that what's happening
Is just a case of others' suffering
Or you'll find that you're joining in
The turning away"

 
It's a sin that somehow
Light is changing to shadow
And casting it's shroud
Over all we have known
Unaware how the ranks have grown
Driven on by a heart of stone
We could find that we're all alone
In the dream of the proud

On the wings of the night
As the daytime is stirring
Where the speechless unite
In a silent accord

Using words you will find are strange
And mesmerized as they light the flame
Feel the new wind of change
On the wings of the night

 
No more turning away
From the weak and the weary
No more turning away
From the coldness inside
Just a world that we all must share
It's not enough just to stand and stare
Is it only a dream that there'll be
No more turning away?

I have a lot of good news for once! ~chuckles~

 

First on the agenda is: I am down to 295 pounds, I have transcended the 300-pound barrier!!! ~jumps for joy~ I now get some crest whitening strips for my reward.  I doubt I’ll get them though as we are following Dave Ramsey’s “Financial Peace” plan, so we are living like vagrants ~snickers~, but if the world doesn’t end it should pay off.

 

I have gripes because I am not getting the protein I need, but I guess I’ll just take it in stride.  It makes it very hard to gain muscle when you body must cannibalize itself for proteins, but at least I have them now ~chuckles~.

 

I am benching over 200 pound sets and curling 40 pounds per arm, so I am doing a lot better than last year ~snickers~.  My all time record was in high school I benched 325, but I have no desire to be that strong and doubt that I could physically achieve that, but who knows I am no longer 400 pounds and laying on my bed almost dead on 20+ medications! ~smiles~.

 

The next good news is I acquired a 3-year-old German Rottweiler named Quincy!  He is huge…he looks like he weighs about 130 pounds, but he only weighs 105 when I took him to the vet the other day.

 

He was raised by this gal named Amy…she seemed very sweet but she was working full-time and going to college full-time at night, so he was stuck at home all the time by himself which can make the breed very aggressive ~smiles~.  She raised him for 3 years…

 

He didn’t like children when I first got him last week and growled and leaped at Mariah…if you look at the new photos I put up you will see they get along great now! ~smiles~  I just had Mariah stuff yummy treats down his throat and gave him positive reinforcement and now he kisses her and let’s he get up in his face ~smiles~.  He is huge! ~smiles~

 

I have been working with him daily and training him…I need to buy some more treats because he really needs to work on his Heeling and his Come commands ~smiles~.  This has caused me to far and exceeds the amount of exercise I was already getting with my cardio, weight lifting and stretching! ~chuckles~  I lost 5 pounds in 3 days ~sighs~.  I like to lose 2 pounds a week so I don’t have a lot of extra skin left over when I get down to weight! ~smiles~

 

I got my companion prescription/note from my psychologist, so that I can have him in my apartment complex.  He stands at the bus stop with about 10 kids in the morning and doesn’t try and eat any of them anymore! ~smiles~.

 

He has really helped me with my depression and PTSD…I feel like I have another set of eyes and ears to back up my illusionary fears, so I don’t have to be on guard as much, and he keep me company when I am all alone…another great thing he does is when I start going ballistic he jumps on me to tell me I am getting crazy before I snap! ~smiles~  This could be very beneficial to many people I public ~chuckles~

 

It took about 3 days before Quincy would start marking territory.  This was a good sign that he realized this was now part of his domain and his home! ~smiles~  Now we play, wrestle, walk and love on each other ~smiles~.  He is a blessing and boon to my existence! ~smiles~  The entire family loves him and has found him therapeutic! ~smiles~

 

So for now everything is going great…we’ll see how long that lasts ~grins~…

I am down to 300 and been sticking there for the last week ~chuckles~.  There is delicate balance between weightlifting, cardio and losing weight, if I eat more and workout harder I tend to plateau on my weight loss as I gain more muscle, but if I lighten up the weightlifting and do more cardio then I lose weight, however I also lose strength ~sighs & chuckles~  So you can see my dilemma.

 

It’s starting to get really cold here around 30 degrees on my walks.  Julie bought me a cheapo Coleman poncho to wear when it rains and snows, but when it gets cold the material hardens up and scratches me.  It lasted about 3 walks (13 miles) and ended up tearing and going in the garbage ~chuckles~.

 

I had a $30 gift certificate to Cabelas from last Xmas I still haven’t spent ~chuckles~, so Julie and I went to Post Falls to Cabelas and I bought myself a Gortex rain/wind breaker.  It was $109, then there was 30% off that, and I had a $30 certificate, so I put it on layaway until Friday!

 

Gortex is a micro-fabric that allows vapors like sweat to leave your clothing while being too small to allow water droplets.  They also call this a breathable fabric, so all your heat and sweat don’t stay in, which is what I want because even when it is 30 degrees out there I am sweating like pig! ~chuckles~

 

I am very proud of Julie.  She has wanted to take control of our finances!  As many of you know we use to make really good money, but then I got terminal and tried to kill some bosses ~chuckles~.  Once you get use to living a certain way it is very hard for the ego to want to adapt to the downgrade ~smiles~.  So the last 3 years we have been sucking up credit and living from check to check to try and live as we were accustomed.  I had been tired of it for the last year or two, but Julie wasn’t ready ~smiles~.

 

She wouldn’t even let me have a pint of whiskey the other day because we couldn’t afford it, then I found out she bought a coffee and lunch.  Oh was I fucking pissed!!!  I don’t think she’ll be doing that anymore ~grins~.  No one wants to see me pissed off ~grins~.

So we are living like paupers and can’t even turn the heater on! ~chuckles~  It is going to take 6 months to a year, but it will be well worth it in the long run!

 

What actually started it is we didn’t have lunch money for my Mariah and then I went on a 10-minute spew apologizing to Mariah for her lack of food because mommy and daddy suck at money.  I think this made Julie cry because she ran into the bedroom and didn’t come out for a while ~sighs~.

 

It is hard for me to keep it together when I calmly tell someone they are pushing my buttons and crossing my boundaries, so eventually after months of not being listened too I generally go on a tirade that causes fear and apprehension around the household ~chuckles~.  And I tell them if they would just fucking listen to the 100,000 times I explain it over 2-3 months before I blow ~chuckles~.

 

Now that I have blown everything is back on track.  I don’t get any whiskey, but credit cards and bills are getting paid! ~smiles~  I don’t mind I can go without everything but my Marijuana, and I can go without it, just no one wants to be around me ~chuckles~.

 

Julie and I celebrated 16 years of marriage on the 7^th of November.  I don’t know how that woman puts up with me, but she does it with grace.  I think “G” and my wife come from the same exact mold ~chuckles~.  And that’s not a bad thing for the most part!!! ~smiles~  Julie’s ability to tolerate the amount of shit she does from society, work and family just astounds me! ~smiles~.  I am so blessed that Odin and Freya have seen fit to put a great Christian woman in my life! ~smiles~  I am sure that she will go to heaven for tolerating me alone.  I’m sure God will look down upon her, shake his head with a weary smile and ask her how she did it! ~chuckles~  I’m sure your much the same “G” ~smiles~.  I look forward to spending the rest of my life with her ~smiles~.

 

It’s Veteran’s Day, so I would like to thank all the warriors in this country and the world who fight for integrity, honor, and the freedoms of those to weak, cowardly, or unable to do it for themselves!!!  May you be blessed by the God’s with Berserker Rage, that you may come home safely to those who love you, and to all those awaiting in Valhalla, thank you for your commitment to freedom!!! ~cheers~

 

Oh it’s Veteran’s Day…that also means it’s my little princess’s birthday Mariah who is turning 7 today ~smiles~.  Malachi will be 16 on the 26^th.  He was born on Thanksgiving Day ~chuckles~.

 

We have a new president and I hope that all them hatemongering republicans out there will become part of the solution and quit being a part of the problem!!!  But we can only hope, I doubt it will happen…who would pay Rush Limbaugh or Jon Stewart to not cause dissention? ~chuckles~  Money is the most power demon in the world and even have great influence over the Christian Church, albeit you can’t get them to admit it ~chuckles~.

 

Well they shot down the gay marriage thing in California…why do Christians always support hate and the opposite of what Christ said to do?  Maybe we should just do away with religion all together.  It doesn’t seem to do anything but cause strife, hate, and war ~sighs~ on a larger scale.  Do you really think Jesus would have voted no on Prop 8?  No he would allow freewill and gladly conversed with them…you should really follow his example cause your all ruining the truth of the religion! ~smiles~

 

Maybe pot will get legalized now, we have a lame duck session coming up hopefully 2 things will pass…the HR for Marijuana and the middle class stimulus package! ~smiles~

 

Well I hope you all are fine!

Back to working out, I gained a couple pounds on my week off because I didn’t feel like adjusting 800 calories out of my diet ~chuckles~, plus it was beneficial to gain a little for the oncoming onslaught of weightlifting which I started this morning at 5am.

 

I went to the doctor yesterday and all my tests came back great!  He also noticed I lost another 11 pounds since I saw him last ~smiles~.  He is leaving his practice though to move back to Washington D.C.  He has been my doctor for like 15 years, now I have to find a new one ~chuckles~.  I am just glad that I am getting better.

 

I can’t remember the last time I had a cold or flu.  It’s been over a year, and I have only had 2 infections this year!!!  Not even MRSA and IDS can kick my ASS!!!  I am the ETERNAL CHAMPION!!!  A legend in my own mind! ~grins~.

 

I have a house inspection tomorrow, so I am busting my ass cleaning the house.  I don’t really mind cleaning except for the oven because I only do it every 3-6 months, so it gets pretty nasty, especially with my wife who doesn’t have to clean can spill whatever the hell she want in it ~sighs & chuckles~

 

I just got done mopping the floors, so I am waiting for them to dry so I can go out for my hour walk!  I got some Stablicers for the ice and snow, so I am ready for the Mother Nature to hit me full on so I can kick her butt too!!!

 

I woke up last night to Julie crying and Mariah crying that her mom hated her! ~sighs~  I get so little sleep why not wake up for a drama emergency?!  I guess Mariah said she didn’t like Julie and wanted a new mom ~sighs~.  Julie was trying to reconcile it this morning and I told her that is just the meanness of kids.  My brother and I use to call my mom a “meanie” because we knew it affected her, but we would always feel bad once we made her cry ~frowns~.  All kids have to learn their boundaries and sometimes it hurts the child and the adult ~chuckles~.

 

I went to the dentist and he was awe inspired by my teeth, I am 43 and not a single cavity!!!  However, he said my gums are shot and you can see roots on some of my molars, but I just ignore the pain since I live with it so much…what would make other people want to blow their head off is just a major annoyance for me ~chuckles~.  I have to go to a peritonitis and I think they will want to graph some tissue on my gums or give me some molar implants, but I am hoping a good cleaning will do the trick!!! ~smiles~

 

We got to puppy sit “Floppers”.  He is this cute little Cocker Spaniel puppy!!!  And when I say cute, I mean uber cute!  We all enjoyed his visit with us and had a blast playing with him.  He likes me the most I guess and would always come lay by me…dogs love me! ~smiles~  Cats fear me! ~grins~

 

All right, the floors have to be dry by now…I gotta go walk 4 miles ~smiles~

I am on my break from working out.  I always know when I am overtraining in weightlifting because I start getting weaker ~chuckles~, and I know when I am done too much in cardio because I start getting irritable, ache, and cold like symptoms ~smiles~.

 

This happens about 4-6 weeks, then I take a full week off to let my body rest up and then I am stronger than I was before! ~smiles~

 

I like my week off, but I always feel guilty like I’m being lazy or slacking because I have such a drive to finish what I start ~chuckles~.  And with very little patience and lots of obsessive nature it makes it that much harder, especially because I put on a pound or two during that week off ~chuckles~

 

It is freezing outside and my poor little fingers have been turning blue ~chuckles~, so I got some gloves they were marked down from $50 to $12..boy was my wife happy about that ~chuckles~.  They even have a little spout and cover so you can blow into the gloves without taking them off! ~smiles~.

 

I start back up tomorrow, so I don’t have that long too wait ~smiles~

 

I started incorporating “Stretching” into my 3 hour daily workout ~chuckles~.  The first day I crunched my bad disc in my lower back and screamed so loud I thought the police would show up ~chuckles~, but it doesn’t stop me from lifting my weights or jogging ~chuckles~, but it is making my joints feel a lot better ~smiles~

 

Julie is in Indianapolis for the week training for her new job.  She just got a 6k raise for a year, so now she is making $44K a year which kind of sucks because we would have qualified for food stamps and free lunches for Mariah, now we are $2k over that and still poor as hell and struggling ~chuckles~ with no help in sight ~sighs~.

 

The women of the area apparently know Julie is gone because they keep coming over ~chuckles~.  Some of them are quite hot too, but I would never do anything stupid like have sex with them, and not because I don’t want too, but I know I would feel so guilty, and I just don’t like feeling guilty, so by not committing a stupid action I won’t have to feel that guilt ~smiles~, problem solved! ~chuckles~  But I do like being surrounded by beautiful women, and I am quite the flirt ~grins~.  I don’t mind them coming over though because I get empty nest syndrome with everyone at school and in work.

One of Julie’s good friends are coming over after work tonight to play with Mariah, I guess so she can have some girl time…she already misses her mom ~chuckles~.  She is going to teach her some cheers for cheerleading ~smiles~.  And I have Theresa and her son Michael coming over for Tacos tonight, so I will see if Christina wants to eat dinner with us too!  Maybe I’ll even get a big bottle of booze! ~chuckles~

 

I put my name out everywhere for more volunteer work, but I guess no one wants me ~sighs~.  I have lots of skills ~chuckles~, I know I can help someone out there! ~smiles~

 

Mariah’s school started a computer lab and I put down there I would help…I owned a computer business as many of you know, and I am a Microsoft Office Master Specialist, and they are teaching it there to low income folks, but I guess they don’t need me ~sighs~, so I will continue to help the children in the neighborhood and clean up the garbage from litterbugs and walk the handicapped neighbor’s dog ~smiles~

 

Julie has been reading Norse/Viking literature lately?!  I think she is either trying to understand my ways, and me or just trying to show she loves me and by proxy learning about my ancestry and my spiritual views ~smiles~.

 

We had an argument a week or so ago, not a bad one, but enough to make her think about some things I said ~smiles~.  And she knew it was the truth, so I think she is just trying to understand.

 

As many of you know I was very sick terminally and chronically, I am still sick but no one can tell and my diseases have been causing less and less problems for me in the last year, greatly less! ~smiles~  Not bad for someone who was suppose to be dead over 2 years ago! ~smiles~

 

What most people don’t know and what I explained to my wife which she realized was true is:

 

When I gave up my spirituality and what I knew to be true, to make my wife and her parents happy by becoming a Christian is when I started getting sick, the longer I tried to be a Christian the sicker I got! ~sighs~  But I really wanted to be one, so my wife and her family would be happy and proud of me, but last year I revolted and basically said screw them all, I can’t take it anymore, so I went back to my spirituality, and since that time I have grown stronger, healthier, and have not been quite as insane, I know the insane part isn’t saying much ~chuckles~.

 

My wife and her family do not understand my miraculous recovery from worshipping heathen Gods ~chuckles~ (anything other than Christ).  I see it as an affirmation that I am in the right faith so I proposed this question to her and her parents?

 

Why would God miraculously heal a heathen?  Why do Native Americans, Muslims, Buddhist, etc. all receive miraculous healings?  Why would God heal those that don’t obey him?  We know the Devil/Dark Forces wouldn’t do that because apparently they get your soul if you don’t worship Christ ~chuckles~, so it would be in their best interest to let time take over ~smiles~.  Why does God give his own worshippers cancer and debilitating illnesses? ~smiles~  And why would a heathen be healed while people in her church are dying like I was?

 

The bottom line is we learn our religion/spirituality in our upbringing via geography, socialism, rearing, and personal experiences!  If you were born in Middle East you would be a Muslim and would know that Allah is the only God, if you were born in China you would know that Buddha was the prophet/mystic of the one truth!  If you are raised in the ghetto and told that white people hate you for being black and that pussy, guns and drugs is what really matters, then that is what you believe! ~smiles~

 

I now firmly believe that forced conversion is the worst thing you can do to anybody!  If someone wants to convert like I did that is one thing, and even that didn’t work for me ~smiles~, but it has for millions, so conversion itself isn’t necessarily bad, but invoked conversion is devastating and destroys the soul and kills any kind of trust! ~smiles~  I am pretty sure Christ wanted his religion to be one of “Attraction” and not “promotion” ~smiles~.

 

I love and like many Christians out there and I never say your wrong or your religion is wrong, so why do I always have to hear it? ~chuckles~  It just makes me sad, hurt and angry that I cannot just be loved for who I am and what I know to be true.  I mean if I was out killing kids or animals for sacrifice or purposely hurting people I could see someone wanting to convert me to something nicer, but I am not like that ~smiles~.

 

Besides without us warriors who will protect all your Christians in this world? ~smiles~  I know if anyone tries to hurt the people I love regardless of religion they will have me to deal with ~smiles~, both in the spiritual realm where I work my magic and in this one where I am a great physical presence ~smiles~.

 

I still haven’t found a puppy because like Gail mentioned they are expensive ~chuckles~, and I want a huge dog like a Rottweiler or a Mastiff.  I can keep up on the food, shots, etc.  I just don’t have the initial $400 to buy one, so I guess when God wants me to have one it will show up free ~chuckles~, until then I will just deal with the depression and lonesomeness ~smiles~

 

I have been out of pot for 5 days ~cringes~, luckily people who know and understand my PTSD and IERD have come by everyday to ensure that I am mellow ~smiles~.  Julie will be getting paid every two weeks here soon, since Liberty Mutual bought out SAFECO, that will be nice then there will be no lapses between my medications ~smiles~

 

I had to do my quarterly blood testing yesterday, I hope they can’t find anything wrong with my kidneys now, then I’ll write a book about the mind and how to destroy disease!  I’ll get you guys to help me make it a best seller ~chuckles~.

 

OK, I’m sure all your eyeballs are getting tired by now…best wishes and love to all! ~smiles~

 

I would like to talk about “Patriotism” and I’m not talking about the pseudo-patriotism spawned by elected officials and media news conglomerates! ~sighs~

 

You can look up the word patriotism but it basically means devotion to the welfare of one’s country!

 

Our forefathers said there would be a day when we would need to destroy or take over our government to keep the integrity of our republic in order…that day has come and gone! ~smiles~.

 

I would like to talk now about the word “Coward”.  Coward is the exact opposite of courage and patriotism.  It is the inability to act with courage in the face of real threat! Like most lazy uneducated Americans who fear for their lives but are unwilling to sacrifice in order to bring a new dawn to our country!

 

AIG just got 85+ billion dollars and in their first week spent 75 billion of it and are now asking for 32 billion more while throwing half a million dollar parties for executives in hotels most of us will never afford to stay in!

 

The vast majority was and is against the 1 trillion dollar bailout, which thus far has done nothing, nor will it!  You and your children will have to pay for it and any money they will make on it you won’t see despite rhetoric talks.

 

Now people are angry, but what are they doing?  Being cowards and using their useless pens against an enemy that knows fully our suppression and cowardice to truly act in a patriotic fashion by overthrowing the government and establishing a new government with people who actually give a shit about our country!!! ~growls~

 

Talk is for cowards!  Action is for the patriotic!

 

It is for this reason I now declare war upon the government of my country and all those who side with the government, and all those who are too cowardly to rally the troops and fight for their very existence.

Enjoy the fact that medical bills will kill your 401k’s and destroy your American dreams…Enjoy the fact that you can’t put your kids through college while fat executives are safe under the umbrellas of our prestigious government!!!

 

They know you are cowards and will do nothing, so they will continue to fuck you in the ass until you are so stupid  you are incapable of lifting your arm up to fight!

 

Government officials and the rich beware, I will find you and I will make you lives like those you look down on!

 

The war is on!

 

The “Secret Order of Universal Law” has been set in place…you will reap what you have sewn!

 

I’m down to 307 and hopefully 306 tomorrow when I weigh in ~cheers~.

 

I bought some Stablicers for my new cross-trainers.  They are the best-studded soles you strap on your shoes.  They have little tiny studs in them that are replaceable, so I bought a 50 pack of studs too!  I look forward to old man winter getting his ass kicked by yours truly! ~grins~

 

I am worn down on the weightlifting, so it must be time to take a few extra days off ~smiles~.  I usually do hardcore bodybuilding 6 days a week, well after about 4-6 weeks I actually start getting weaker because of the continuous teardown of muscle, but a few extra days and Viola I am superman strong again! ~chuckles~

 

It was suggested because of my depression and loneliness of being at home that I should get a dog.  I can’t afford to buy a dog, but I found a freepuppylistings.com, but there isn’t any in driving range. I did find a nice AKC, registered Rottweiler puppy, but it’s in Utah and I don’t think I have the $200 for shipping and stuff ~sighs~.  I guess when God wants me to get a dog he’ll give me one ~snickers~.  I did put a post in Craigslist incases someone has a puppy they want to get rid of ~smiles~.

 

I have been practicing my sword work in marital arts…not bad for a couple months…I broke out my staff yesterday.  It took a couple minutes but it didn’t take long to fling it around kempo style ~grins~.

 

I bought a full body stretch for beginners from TAMILEE.  My arthritis and fibro has been kicking my ass, but I think with some good stretching I might be able to relieve that shrinking inflexible feeling ~smiles~.

 

I get so lonesome around this house, then everyone comes home and leaves me to go do church stuff ~sighs~.  I keep telling my wife, but God is more important than I, so I will just keep doing what I am doing until I finally snap ~chuckles~.  No one listens too me then they get all freaked out when I blow ~sighs~.  Perhaps if they could hear my voice instead of their own they might hear what I am trying to say! ~grins~.

 

I put my name out there for all sorts of volunteer work, but I guess people don’t really need volunteers?

 

Our 401k has lost 30%, so it’s a good thing we still have decades before we retire, too bad the world won’t be like we know it in 3.5 years, and from what I can see recently it is already starting its demise ~smiles~  The market is under 9K in trading already! ~chuckles~

 

Well I hope you are all doing good, if your rich and I kill you sorry…you shouldn’t be driving nice cars while the rest of us are struggling, and maybe if you lucky you won’t go to hell when God is done with you ~grins~.

 

To all the rest of you God’s Speed!

The Future as told to me by God

 

 

The failing of the American business industry was felt around the world.  All the money they threw at the problem would not help in the end!  The greed and apathy of the leaders and pillars of America were to blame for her demise, but more than that were the fat, lazy and cowardice people of the nation who never held their government accountable.

 

America falls into a great depression, then China sells off it’s treasury bonds after losing billions in export revenue.  The trillion in treasury bonds owned by China fully and completely destroyed America.

 

The people of America broken, angry and confused by their own stupidity and inability to listen to the prophets of their time start to form in civil unrest protesting the lavish lives that their politicians and the rich still live!  Riots and violent protest is the scene of the day.

 

The government in need to control its people declare martial law upon America and a 6pm curfew is set which further angers the American people.  All armies are called home to control and kill their own brothers and sisters in order to restore some sense of normality to the torn country.

 

The people start looting businesses, stores, fast food restaurants and anything they can get their hands on, but money is no longer worth anything as the decay of her majesty is inevitable and accelerating.  People kill each other in grocery stores and supermarkets trying to grab up all the foodstuffs they can in order to perpetuate their existence, as well as their family’s’.

 

The numbers of people overwhelm the soldiers, and clandestine militias kill military troops in groves!  American soldiers flee their federal positions and start taking up arms with the militias who believe they are trying to save our country.  People eat the flesh of other people in cities in order to survive in this Dark Age!

 

Ebola and other powerful diseases will be stripped from the Center for Disease Control by PETA and the Green Army who gladly inject themselves with the terrible viruses then fly out of the country to spread the 48 hour death to other countries…these are the first plagues!

 

The entire world is falling apart now in within 72 hours 75% of the world is dead from a deadly virus.  Men shall run to the mountains seeking their death, but shall not find it.

 

1/3 of the world remains in small sporadic areas that haven’t been devastated by nuclear or viral attack.  There is no way to communicate with each other, as nuclear fallout destroys almost all technology and radio signals with their EMPs!

 

The world goes back to sticks and stones and 1000 years of peace as humanity starts completely over.

 

A grim outlook to say the least, but God has assured me that my family will be safe and will help start the new light of God where we will reign in peace for generations to come ~smiles~.

 

 

The Good News:

 

I am down to 308, well 308 exactly, which means I’ll be 307 tomorrow ~cheers~.

 

Julie got a $6,000 a year raise and moved up in the company.  Liberty Mutual just bought out SAFECO but will leave the name.  SAFECO just took a big hit with IKE tearing up Texas where the bases of their policyholders are located.

 

She is making 44K a year now ~cheers~.  I thought I was going to have to get a part time job, but apparently God understands out plight and that we needed the extra cash, so WHOOP there it is!  I guess God doesn’t want to see me in prison either?! ~chuckles~

 

We are still deep in debt because of my terminal illnesses, medical bills, etc.  But it is a little tad of light at the end of the tunnel for now ~smiles~.

 

She is getting a pro-rated bonus here in a week or so! ~cheers~  We can get out from under the cash advance stores!!!  Well, for a few months at least ~chuckles~!

 

I have been volunteering at the church helping with the “Kids Town” for the children.  You all know I love the children!  They are innocent until they are 7, and I like that innocence, even if they are being evil they don’t know it ~chuckles~.

 

I did my diabetes walk this last Saturday.  We made a lot of money and had a great showing.  I hope someday kids don’t have to stick themselves with needles and watch their diets, and fear death ~sighs~.

 

I hope you are all doing as well…remember your body is the holy grail and temple…let’s keep it fit & clean! ~smiles~

I am now down to 309 pounds, YAY!  I can taste 300!

 

What I want to write about today is our bailout situation.  I have my own plan!

 

We’ll give the 300 million people in America one billion each!  We will save ourselves 400 billion in the process, not too mention this would rock the economy!  I know I would buy a couple houses, some custom choppers and a P-38 Lightning Lockheed and flying lessons!  Then we can just let these greed fest enterprises die!  It’s not like new greedy enterprises won’t pop up!

 

I am a centrist-libertarian, but if I were a Republican/Conservative I would be grabbing my gun and killing people in DC.  Here republicans always cry about letting capitalism do its thing, but then when a real test comes up they scramble to help their buddies out!  This would appall any true conservative!

 

I personally don’t care, as it has been a part of the prophecies given to me by whoever the hell that other voice is in my brain!  We are at the end of our days, the things that have worked for 200 years no longer work and will not ever work again.

 

If we all have a billion we will need banks to put that money in ~grins~.  Then banks will have money to loan to small businesses, if anyone still wanted to work with a billion dollars.  We could just buy stuff we wouldn’t even need any industry anymore.  We could become an isolationist’s nation again! ~smiles~

 

Oh well whatever happens we’ll just allow it, and we will allow the prophecies to come true ~sighs~ because we are essentially fat, lazy, selfish, cowards who have other people fight for us while we enjoy the benefits of consumer whorism ~smiles~.

 

This is getting so exciting!  When prophecy starts coming true it affirms that perhaps I am not completely crazy, especially as they start coming true in groves ~chuckles~.  I know they aren’t my prophecies, but they come from my mouth, now if the really big one happens in January you all better head to where I live ~chuckles~.  Then I guess I will have to start giving the glory to who it is due, but first I want to make sure I don’t get too humiliated like Moses or Noah did ~grins~.  Oh wait the human attention span can barely remember one day from the next, oh I’m fine ~chuckles~.

 

I have been studying the Iran, Iraq and OPEC more intensely, now that I understand that America gets a crapload of oil from Iran and Iraq I now understand the conspiracies reasoning behind their theories and don’t think it is a theory so much anymore.  America is terrified that OPEC is going to control the world and America can’t have that!!!  So we’ll just destroy everyone to ensure that we have the oil we need ~grins~, while we claim it is to save you from terrorist acts ~snickers~

 

Meanwhile big oil spends millions ensuring that clean, efficient energy never happens…they will continue to gouge us at the pump while breaking all time record profits!!!

 

Keep sleeping ~snickers~

Many of you probably remember I am an ordained minister from the Universal Life Church.

 

They say they promote absolute and total understanding, love, compassion and the rights to freedom of speech!  Well I was banned from the Church Forum till 2011, so all I see now is hypocrisy like every other church as a whole ~sighs~.

 

Why do people in churches who don’t like you use their power in defiance of Jesus’ principles (or any spiritual principles) to hurt you and banish you from a place of sanctuary?!

 

I have nothing good to say about that church anymore, other than some of the people were great, while some despised me!  And I know why they despise me, I rock their foundations and force them to view their religion in its truth, but people are creatures of habit and enjoy rationalizing their bullshit while still proclaiming these spiritual principles!

 

It was about Child Molesters and Pedophiles!  And what I think ought to happen to them, specifically the death penalty!  I can only surmise now that some in the church promote Pedophiles, so I guess it’s a good thing I am no longer there ~sighs~.

 

The Universal Life Church is supposed to be a sanctuary of all and any religions.  They have Satanic, Norseman, Christian, Buddhist, and etc. churches within their domain!  If a church promotes violence it’s ok, but if I promote violence towards “Child Molesters” I am banned!  That is creepy!  So I guess I am better off not being associated with them ~sighs~.

 

The conservative Christians disliked me the most because I made them think and proved them wrong several times on issues.  They want to live in their lies and rationalities apparently, so on to something completely different!

 

I have gone down from 315 to 311 ~cheers~.

 

I am eating this health thing up, I don’t even hardly eat anything processed anymore!  Very rarely!  I am drinking 12+ cups of water a day!

 

I bought a heart rate monitor from Polar.  It is one of their top models!  It is the F11 and has many nice features like Caloric Burn Count based upon your health index (age, weight, height, etc.) and exertion, but their chest strap sucks ass!!!  I paid over 150 dollars for it, it should give out free blowjobs!

 

The first time it broke on me I hadn’t even owned it for a month ~sighs~.  I went to my buddy Jerry who is a Seamster, so he said he fixed it for me, well it lasted about a week or two and feel apart again.  I went back to his house yesterday and devised my own materials from his sewing shop and had him do a box stitch with the X in it like they use on Army Alice Packs and stuff.  It works awesome now, I am thinking of looking up some information and pitching the fix to the company for a monetary royalty ~smiles~.  I am sure they lose millions a year on customer non-satisfaction, so perhaps I can make a dime saving them a few million?

 

Their customer service is the one of the suckiest I have ever seen and I think monkeys do it!  I send in my complaint about 3 days later I get an email telling me it will be another 3 days and someone else will get a hold of me, so they finally do and they tell me to send in my Serial Number, so I did.  Then I don’t hear from them at all and write another letter.  They send me an email back in a few days telling me someone will get a hold of me in a couple more days, then the jackasses want my receipts, so I sent it to them, thus far I have heard nothing at all from them ~sighs~.

 

Yesterday I wrote them a dirty letter telling them I was reviewing their product and my review would be less than favorable, so hopefully they will get their act in gear, so if you buy a Polar, which is the best company for Heart Rate Monitors don’t expect any help when the strap breaks ~sighs~, or anything else for that matter! ~snickers~.

 

Oh hell no wonder I’m hungry it’s lunchtime…Love ya all seeya later! ~smiles~

I tried to visit Vegas Marji and TroubleBubble but spaces is being a dick!  Well, on to something completely different.

 

Most you know that last year on the 1^st of September I started working out and doing cardio.  I weighed almost 400lbs last year and continuously worked out.  I joined Sparkpeople.com a few months ago because I started to plateau at 365lbs, so I thought I could use their tools.

 

Sparkpeople.com has excellent tools for tracking calories, and if your lazy they even do all the formulas for you so you know how much to eat, how much to exercise, etc.  I’m anal so I learned all the formulas myself ~chuckles~.

 

I am now at 315 pounds and slated for being 200 pounds before my next cruise to Alaska next summer ~cheers~.  I really want to do some Sea Kayaking and some Glacier Climbing ~smiles~.

 

The wife has been resentful since I passed her in weight and now weigh less than her, but she is praying on it and encouraging me in spite, but I know when I talk about how well things are going for me I can see the “burn in hell” look in her eyes, which should be focused more upon herself ~chuckles~.

 

She said she was going to lose weight with me, but I don’t think she has the will to do it, but it’s not like I am going to love her any less.  She is still the same person regardless of her weight ~chuckles~.  My only concern is that it is very unhealthy and I worry about something happening to her being our only form of income ~cringes~.  Like most Christians she is optimistic and refuses to get life insurance and asks me if I am trying to plan something ~snickers~.  She knows me well, but I am not heinous, I just want our family protected, if she goes we’ll be living under a bridge ~chuckles~

 

I have several belts in martial arts and mastered the staff long ago, but I decided to pick up a Japanese Practice Sword, so I can master that in a few years ~grins~.

 

I am now benching over 200 and doing marathon training for summer activities next year.  If you guys remember I went backpacking year before last and it almost killed me.  I was bed ridden for over a week ~sighs~.  I am going to kick that backpacking trips butt next summer!!!

 

I am doing a diabetes walk for www.jdrf.org When you log on the site click the little green shoes, if you have money please donate to the children under my name Adam Summerhill or under Paul’s Parade!  I don’t care if it is a less than a dollar, every bit counts and you could save some child’s life or make it easier on them, if you can please do, if not it’s OK I’m poor too ~chuckles~.

 

I have also been doing some work for my wife’s church.  They seem to be the only people nice enough to not throw me into a rage ~snickers~.  It’s for a nursery “Kids Town”.  It is really cool and will be an awesome indoor place for the kids to play.  It is going to look like a little city ~smiles~.  I helped them hang some flags in the parking lot for their gig next Sunday ~smiles~.

 

I’ll do anything for the children, for they are still innocent and free of man’s disgust ~smiles~.

 

I have been doing a lot of work for political entities, mostly Centrist and Libertarian, as I can’t stand Liberals or Republicans ~chuckles~.  The next 60 days proves to be interesting as well the demise of our Earth coming up in the next 3.5 years.

 

I don’t think it matters who wins anymore, I am pretty sure we are all screwed, especially if the main prophecies come true, but we’ll wait and see ~smiles~.

 

I am eating so much healthier now, I have my salt down, fats down and only eating whole or whole and organic foods.  The only thing I have been eating from a box or can is Brown Rice ~grins~.  Today for lunch I made Corn, Brown Rice, 4oz of Chicken Breast, some cheddar cheese all wrapped in a Whole Grain Tortilla!  Mmmmmm mmmm!  The only thing it was missing was black beans!

 

I am running out of shit to say, OK I guess that is it till next time…love ya all!

Many of you know I was turned down for Disability in the ultimate wisdom of our great system which eventually screws us all ~chuckles~.

 

I wrote a letter to my Govenor, NORML, ACLU and CNN...I am explaining some things that may put my family in jeopardy, but I only care about vengeance and retribution now and any government official coming to my door for any reason better be locked and loaded ~smiles~.

 

I know some of you are probably telling me to get over it in your minds, but when the alternative is hurting innocents that is not a viable option for me, so without further ado here is the letter I wrote...let us pray it doesn't fall upon deaf ears ~smiles~.

 

To Whomever Cares,

I don't know how to write this letter to the point, and without historical reference, so here goes my last letter to the world!

I have been violent since I was a child, if one looks at my school records they will see nothing but suspensions, punishment, and creating riots (literally).  I have a gift to rally angry people against whatever establishment was wrong at the time.  This started in early elementary school and I ended at High School when I was expulsed from school for starting a three school riot at Santana High School, which now has armed guards and metal detectors.

I learned several martial arts in Guam with Judo, Taekwando, and Aikido being my favorites.  By 1986 I was a master of the Martial Arts and helped teach it in El Cajon, California in the 80's briefly.

When I lived in Santee I got into a lot of trouble with the law, including several concealed weapons and controlled substance charges.  If one were to look at my public records, one would probably ask themselves why I never did any time compared to the crimes I committed, you would be wise to ask why!

In 1986 I was trained by the School of the Americas in Lakeside, California (Airborne Rangers from Ft. Bragg) to ensure security over the Blue Sky Ranch Meth Operation.  You see because of my connections at the time with Meth, bikers, Mexican Mafia, etc. it seemed that some government agency wanted us to make meth for them, so they trained us as guerillas to teach people they sent in from Mexico how to make Methamphetamines.  All our equipments, chemicals (ether, R11,etc.) were all shipped in government vehicles with plain white wrappers.

If you were to look at the rent receipts and paper trail of the Blue Sky Ranch you would see that a very special person of interest was living on the property with me.  He happened to be a Class 2 machine gun dealer that supplied us with AK-47's and converted AR-15's.

I won't go into that anymore even under interrogation, as it is merely a backdrop for the present I will discuss in a few minutes.  I have given you names of places and properties, if you want to dig up the Hell that happened there you are more than welcome to, but don't expect me to engage in it, as my family has already been threatened by the men in black.  They also said they would humiliate me until I commit suicide, so in the interest of my families safety and my dignity you can understand why I don't want to play hardball with such powerful and invisible forces!!!

At the end of 88' or 89' (I can't remember now) they were going to arrest us or kill us, but we all left and disappeared for several years.  I had written the FBI a letter around 89' telling them I had written a full biography of our existence with names, dates, organizations and geographies.  I told them there was so much information it would be quite a mess for them to explain to the news.  I had hitchhiked up to Spokane, Washington and decided to live a normal life free of government sleaziness and near death experiences daily!

I had done some serious heinous crimes to protect our little secret in Lakeside, California, some of them the cause of my mental illnesses. I went form having cars, motorcycles, money, women, to being a slave basically, but I was OK with that!

All my past caused several problems dealing with society.  I am fortunate that I have not been to jail or prison in Spokane, Washington.  I am known for my violent nature when invoked and resolving situation with violence, albeit in my criminal activities violence was a boon!  Many people including employers in Spokane can attest to my violence!  My last two bosses I tried to kill, fortunately for them I was obese and out of shape so they could outrun me, but they knew if I got a hold of them Intensive Care Unit would be their next stop.

I worked for several years and got into fights with employees and employers.  I could keep a job for about two years or so before I finally got sick of the way things were done and the good ole boy dick sucking attitude at various crap jobs, so I went to college.

I had quit methamphetamines since I had left San Diego back in the late 80's.  I ran into a guy at Spokane Community College named Tim Beal.  His family was a wealthy prosthetic doctor who helped make the parts.  Tim was working on taking over the family business.  Tim had connections in Yakima and I started dumping a quarter pound or more of Marijuana a day for him at the college and to others I had met in Spokane.

We made so much money we got a Lexus and quit college.  We got hooked up with some feelers for the Mexican Mafia in Yakima, Washington.  We were driving the Lexus down to Yakima and back every other day to buy pounds of the crap from the same people I taught to make it back in the 80's.  It's a small world isn't it?!

Tim Beal finally went insane with the mafia complex and was arrested for waving his 9mm around in public for a debt that was owed to him.  I knew he had lost his mind, so I left him but kept many of the connections.

I had gotten married and we had a son that was two by now.  My son was raised for the first two years on television while watching his father slam ounces of amphetamines a day.  I lived on the 7200 block of East Harrington.  The neighbors tried several times to get rid of us because of gunfire, violence and just all around creepy shit to the normal law abiding citizen.  The cops couldn't do a damn thing, so all the neighbors eventually moved out of the area for fear of their lives.

I had a moment of clarity and realized I didn't want my son living around this kind of existence, and I knew the shady people I was dealing with like Ghost Riders, Gypsy Jokers, etc. It was just a matter of time before something went wrong and someone didn't have the money or drugs.  I didn't want my kid to grow up with the stigma of having a dirt bag father who was a lowlife drug dealer!

I went to treatment and joined Narcotics Anonymous.  I was there for 5.5 years.  I still got into fights all the time and would gladly knock the crap out of someone I thought disrespectful or lame.  I worked at White's Boots during this time, but my health started to decline, and since I wasn't on methamphetamines I got morbidly obese and put on one hundred and fifty pounds during this time.  I was busy staying clean and trying to make a better life for my child, but the things of my past and the fifteen years of shooting meth amphetamines had broken me.  My boss at the time Earl Wissman was told to fire me because I was missing so much work.

At that time the doctors have listed as having Deep Vein Thrombosis, which is terminal and progressive, I also have Fibromyalgia, chronic lower disk degeneration, unexplained stomach bleeding (for 3 years), Hidradentitis Suppurivita, MRSA, and an unexplained immune deficiency syndrome that I keep getting infections and pneumonia from!!!

Since they were a good Christian organization in their infinite wisdom they decided the Christian thing to do would be to fire me!  Earl got away from me but not before I completely destroyed his office and everything in it!!!

I thought I would go to Computer Tech School and get educated and start my own business.  I would be a self-made man and no one could piss me off, I would be the boss!  I went to Interface Computer School in Spokane and was on the honors list, everyone was so nice I never had a problem with anyone EVER!  I thought this was a new beginning that my wrath was under control.  I had this old WWll Marine who kept calling me a thief and liar, but the truth was the guy was a complete idiot and probably shouldn't have even owned a computer.  I almost killed him, fortunately I just destroyed the phone and part of the wall.  I had to quit my business before I hurt someone!!!

I was working at Pizza Pipeline at this same time delivering pizza.  I had gotten in trouble once or twice for fighting during my work hours, but I was such a good driver they overlooked most my criminal and medical problems.  One day a corporate big wig raised his hand to me in authority and called me a liar, fortunately for him he was skinny and ran far away from me before I could kill him.  You can ask the witnesses that saw it.  I moved a huge garbage bin several feet that must of weighed thousands of pounds(my IERD surges adrenaline through my body), needless to say I was fired, but again the cops didn't do anything they just wrote an officer 86'd  report, so I wasn't allowed at Pizza Pipeline again…
This is when I applied for Disability Social Security.  I was sure I could get it on just my physical ailments because I have known several people who had in the past.  I never wanted to take any help from the government, as a matter of fact after the San Diego incident with the meth lab and how the cowards were making us expendable I didn't want anything to do with the government ever again for ANY REASON!!!  But I had a family now, and with a little girl to boot!

I fought for 3 years, after my first decline I got a lawyer and told him the whole story (Robert Milhelm), so he made me go to my psychologist (one of the best in the country) for an evaluation, testing and diagnosis.  I did this for the next 18 months.  I didn't want to be known that I was crazy.  I AM A CONCEALED WEAPONS PERMIT HOLDER!!! I am an avid shooter and didn't want to lose my rights to own my handguns and shoot targets.  I can shoot the eye out of a rat at a thousand yards!  But I did do it thinking and following the advice of my lawyer.

I was diagnosed with Severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Intermittent Explosive Rage Disorder, which causes me to not be myself and basically lose control of my mind and body while I kill someone.  The judge thought I needed more testing because after 18 months of dealing with one quack it wouldn't be enough, so because they didn't respect his decision they thought they would have one of their own quacks test and interview me for one day and make their judgment on that!!!  Even though my friend Christina Stone just got her's shortly before for Hidradenitis Suppurvita and moderate anxiety?!?!

Their psychologist told them DO NOT LET HIM WORK!  My psychologist said DON"T LET HIM WORK.  The occupational therapist said "HE IS NOT CAPABLE OF DEALING WITH SOCEITY AT WORK"!

However the judge in his almighty wisdom and bias decided to decline me.  My lawyer being the greedy self-serving bastard he is said to basically give it up it's not with his time anymore.  He also couldn't believe the judges judgment on this case!!!

A couple months ago we were in a Costco parking lot and some asshole stole my space.  I honked at him to tell him and he knew, so he flipped me off, luckily for the piece of shit my wife was driving (because she knows it is safer) so she got me away from the situation, but could have killed a family as she peeled out like a drag car racer in a store parking lot, if I had gotten to the guy I would have probably broken his window and rubbed his throat on the broken glass!!!  At the very least he would have found himself in intensive care like many before him!!!

I isolate myself in my house to protect people from me, and to protect my family unit so my kids can grow up with their father!

This judge in his infinite wisdom has just made my family financially bankrupt.  We can't live like a normal middle class family we have gone from making a lot of money to being dirt poor and living in a low income apartment, now that I have been shot down by the same bastards I pay taxes too (oh by the way I will not ever pay taxes again…you don't do anything for me) for the last twenty - five years when I was working in between crimes.

Now I ask you, do you want me working for you?  When you see I have no work experience because I have tried to kill my last two bosses are you going to hire me?

You tell me to never lie and to try and be a good person, yet when I go to your work source program your instructors tell us to blatantly lie to make ourselves look good to hide our bad past!!!

My schism comes from your hypocrisy!!!

I can't work…you won't give me any money despite my case being far worse than others for whatever lame bias reason you small minded panel decided on…was it the Marijuana?  It was legally authorized for my physical disabilities, and was recommended by my psychologist, only because he can't prescribe medications, and because other psychotropic medicines made me worse!

I have been on Thorazine, Melalril, Stellazine and Welbutrine and all of them made me more violent than ever…my clean period when I wasn't smoking pot I was in more trouble than when I was shooting meth, so I will continue to smoke Marijuana and have joined NORML too.  Many of my friends, associates, and neighbors have changed their entire opinions on Marijuana because they have seen me off it and on it and much prefer me on it!  I don't smoke much between 1-2 grams a day!  The only other thing that worked was Valium, but I don't like the feeling of being drunk and rarely drink.

My father who was retired from the Navy and a hardcore republican drug warrior has changed his opinions as well and is now even angry with the government he worked for over 22 years.  He firmly believes that all drugs should be legalized now and that the government is playing a game!  Wow, how does that happen?!  He must have seen something that changed his mind?

Since I have started smoking Marijuana I have been doing Cardio 6 days a week and lifting weights…I am getting healthier physically but still suffer from many of the physical ailments I always have.  I just got a blood clot a few weeks ago!

Here is the bottom line:  I can't work and if I do I may kill someone and go to prison which isn't good for my family or me!  My family doesn't have enough money to live well.  We are just a few thousand over the poverty line and with gas and inflation moving up like thieves, it is getting harder and harder!

I may run out of money to buy my pot and God forbid that happen at a weak moment because if I am going to do something it is going to be very big like nuclear or mass murder big…and it won't be innocents it will be everyone involved in me and my family's demise…

So you are the last stone that has not been unturned.  I would hope that you actually read this letter with your own eyes, as I will be sending it to the ACLU, NORML, CNN and anyone else I can think of that would have an interest in it, especially around election time.

My aunt told me that her friend was denied disability and she wrote a letter to her governor explaining the situation.  The governor made it so she now has disability, so my hope is your intelligence, common sense, and heart will make you do the right thing because I don't want to hurt anyone and I don't want die or go to prison, however I can feel that craziness boiling up in the back of my soul and mind, so please at least let me know you read this with you own eyes because I have completely lost faith in God, Humanity, and the goodness that America once stood for!!!

Sincerely,
Reverend Adam Summerhill

I got lots of stuff to write about!

 

I put a photo album of our last trip to Oregon Coast a couple weeks ago.  We stayed in Newport, Oregon.

 

My dad was in the NAVY, so I know a lot about the ocean, so it was awesome to take the kids there and let them play on the beach, tidal pools,visit aquariums, OSU Science Center, Seal Caves, etc.  I got pictures of all the good stuff! ~smiles~.

 

Let’s go with the bad news first!

 

The government in all its glory and wisdom has decided not to give me my disability after 3 long hard fought years, just because I smoke pot…Even though there has been much research on Marijuana and the ability to help me with my diseases…So they have forced me to go to work for someone and I’ll probably end up killing them, oh well why should the judge worry?  He won’t lose any sleep at night, so I thought I would kill him…He should be praising God every night that I have a 6 year old girl that brings me to my senses sometimes, but she won’t be young forever ~grins~.

 

On to the good news!  Because there is so much of it:

 

Most of you remember last year I was laying on my death bed with 3 terminal illnesses and a couple of violent mental illnesses too ~chuckles~.

 

If you also remember I bought a Bowflex last year and have been religiously pumping weights ever since, but wait it gets better!!!  I started doing some indoor aerobics because the weather doesn’t allow year round exercise outside here in Spokane ~chuckles~.  I did that for this last year as well…

 

My last doctor check up (and you all know how I hate them idiot doctors) they can’t find my Deep Vein Thrombosis…I actually went in because of a blood clot, but it was superficial and not at risk of pulmonary embolism.  They have no idea where my DVT is since they said it was progressive and incurable ~snickers~.  Once again doctors are idiots and wrong on so many levels ~grins~.

 

My IDS is still around but I haven’t been sick in a whole year!!!  I still get the infections related to it.  My last one being a nasty prostate infection, but the infections are getting further apart.

 

A new development has occurred though, they believe I might have Multiple Sclerosis, but I am unable to do MRI’s because I am violently allergic to contrast dyes, so other than being weak and in pain sometimes it doesn’t really bother me ~smiles~.

 

Last year I was barely able to get from my living room to my bedroom without being in severe pain, or having a heart attack or stroke.  I still get TIA’s (mini strokes) I had one the other day, but I recovered from it quite quickly unlike the days of old!

 

You probably remember when I went on an 18 mile backpack trip that hospitalized me and put me on bed rest for a few weeks ~chuckles~.  I wanted to die in the woods and thought I would, but as my heart was spasming and I was oh so close to the light I saw my little girl and I knew I couldn’t just let myself die!  If you want to know whether you really want to die or not try it, if there is someone or something that means something to you it will show itself, just make sure your not past the halfway point ~chuckles~.

 

A couple weeks ago we went to the Oregon Coast and I was running up and down cliffs, stairs, and was sprinting on the beach for over 100 yards with my kite ~grins~.  I left my kids in the dust I am getting so healthy!

 

Today I am making healthier choices….I weight lift and do Cardio 6 days a week.  I am burning over 6000 calories a week now…I use a heart rate monitor from Polar (F11) which programs my cardio and does a lot of bells and whistles, I just bought a really nice Salter food scale.

 

Because I workout so hard I get to eat 2400-2800 calories a day and still lose 4 pounds a week!!!

 

You guys probably remember that I was almost up to 400 pounds, well I am down to 317 and by June of 09’ I will be down to 200 or less, just in time for our 2^nd Cruise to Alaska where I plan on doing some kayaking and glacier climbing!!!

 

I am having some minor marital problems, but I am sure they will work themselves out as they always do ~smiles~.

 

The wife is resentful of me now because I have passed her in weight (I know never assume a woman’s weight or talk about it ~snickers~) and she was incapable of doing some really fun activities in Oregon because of that…I could see her sadness in her eyes…I know she doesn’t want to be unhealthy but uses the same excuses everyone uses…I don’t have any time she says ~chuckles~.  I guess we don’t all have the willpower that my wife says I possess ~shrugs~.

 

Well she has time to play video games for 4 hours a night, and 2 hours of TV…I know that we all have to grieve, deny, accept and then do something, but man it sure seems harder with all the problems I have had to overcome, to hear someone else whining ~chuckles~.  Oh no I’m an elitist! ~cringes~.

 

She use to always want me to cut my beard and hair, now all of sudden she doesn’t…I am thinking now she is in the make me as unattractive to the other sex as possible, since I am already a major flirter and have never really been the most faithful person in the world ~chuckles~, so she is in save her man mode…she doesn’t need to be because she is the most beautiful woman in the world too me and I would never ever leave her regardless of how big she got or how many hotties are flirting with me ~chuckles~, but I guess even though I tell her that in her mind something else is going on ~chuckles~.

 

I know I have been away for a long time, but I have been rebuilding myself and needing that time to meditate, workout, take care of kids, etc.  I was spending way too much time on here crying, whining, and laughing with the rest of ya…

 

I miss you guys, but the hermit plan has prevailed and I am once again in charge of my health, my mind, and my eternal soul!

 

Love,

Adam

God is everything and created everything.  He created the angels to serve him, including the infamous Lucifer.

 

1)     Since God create all the angels then he must of put rebellion into Lucifer, so either God made a mistake, or he isn’t all powerful….take your pick.

2)     Supposeably Lucifer amassed an army to fight God and his angels, if this is true how did Lucifer defy God’s creational programming?!  Are you telling me Satan had the power to override God’s programming and change it so that all these angels would follow him?  Or did God give him an army for this lame game?

3)     It’s all big game:  Like ants under the magnifying glass of a giant child we are at the mercy of an egomaniac who plays games and destroys the lives of beings much smaller than him in intelligence, spirituality and experience.  I call it the “Soul Collecting Game”.  It’s a big game to see who can get the most souls!

4)     The Christian God claims ultimate passiveness, yet all we do as a nation is murder and all Christians do is try and enforce their will upon the rest of the world!  Hell little kids are dying everyday in Serbia, Ireland, Kosovo, etc. over Christian denominational differences!

5)     Those who have lost faith in God and humanity will not necessarily go to Hell, albeit all the Christians who cause the schism in those who can’t believe in God will most likely pay dearly, however I don’t have the final word…I wish I did!  The point being a lot of self-righteous Christians who think they are doing stuff right won’t be going to the happy place they believe they will because of their inability to follow their own sacred writings.

6)     God gave us FREEWILL right?  To make our own decisions?  Then why does Christianity insist on shoving its values down everyone’s throat and try to enforce their will upon the rest of the world?  You defy God’s very plan by halting gayness, abortion, porn, drugs, etc…It’s not your fucking choice!  It’s mine, ours, and theirs!  If Christians just worried about themselves they would get more people to believe, and if not so what it’s their choice not yours!!!

7)     Do you think Jesus/God really wanted a Christian Coalition, a governing body of politics?  If you do then I think you better read you own fucking book a little bit better…

8)     I think that it is sad that I have found no Priest, Pastor, Minister, etc. to answer my questions, yet they can spew forth sermons trying to move their congregations to donate more money for their concrete establishments.  And I think if you read your Bible you will see that God/Jesus both talked about how stone was not the church!

9)     The Bible is considered a whole and pure sacred writing undefiled by man, yet the Bibles interpretations have changed numerous times taking out recipes that involved priests of God tripping on hallucinogenics and if you look at the Nazer Oil Recipe in Exodus of the King James Version it will become clear.  It calls for 250 Sheckles of Calamus.  Calamus is an extremely potent hallucinogenic…hmmmm

10)  Perhaps worshipping a God of war like Odin, Mars, Aries, etc. would better suit Christians, at least then they wouldn’t be hypocrites.  We have the power to stop all wars, but superiority of religion keeps that from happening…Christianity will be its own demise and you will live to see the Bible burnings…I mean fighting is fighting whether it is one Christian trying to force it’s values on another, or an entire Christian nation killing others…what ever happened to Matthew chapters 5-7?

 

My wife and I got into a huge fight last night and I left.  I came back later but couldn’t be around her out of fear I would do something insanely stupid.  I wanted to fucking kill her, but I didn’t…

 

When I am mortally wounded in my spirit or soul by someone I have two options…I can cry or I can get angry…well I am tired of being sad, so I am choosing violence and anger….Why shouldn’t I?

 

1)     My government tells me to kill certain people, but if I kill someone for my own reasons I go to prison…seems a bit hypocritical too me.

2)     I am told to withhold pleasure from myself and spend my money wisely while our government runs up a 7 trillion dollar debt while giving themselves ample raises and retirement benefits that only CEO’s of major corporations get!!!  They can’t spend money and wastefully let KBR, Halliburton, Carlyle Group, etc. continually rip us off, but since there is no money they will just fucking tax the middle class some more!!!

3)     Our government allows “stock speculators” to boost volumes to make more money while causing inflation to skyrocket and gas prices to soar!

4)     I’m told to be a good person and do the right things, yet every fucking day some politician in indicted/alleged of child molestation, embezzlement, fraud, etc.

 

If I am mentally retarded or fucked up it is because I am running out of the resources to rationalize/justify this shithole of a world we have!  Everyone is desensitized and apathetic to just about everything.  We are kept working hard and tired while our politicians dine on million dollar dinners at the same time lobbyist are stuffing their fucking pockets full of cash to vote for what they want instead of what the people want.

 

Are you people are fucking stupid?!  We the people have said we want Marijuana legalized in several cities (Portland, Denver, San Fransisco,etc.) and several states.  Denver had the highest minor marijuana arrests after it was decriminalized!!!  The government isn’t even fucking listening to you dumbasses ~laughs~ and still you do what they say!!!

 

They have given me Welburtin, Thorazine, Stellazine, valium, etc. in the attempts to make me fucking normal!!!  Those drugs made me worse and suicidal.  I finally find something that works for the Explosive Rage Disorder and the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  It keeps me from hurting people daily, but I am a criminal for doing it because pharmaceutical companies spend hundreds of millions of dollars a year insuring that people don’t get a harmless medicinal/recreation substance far safer than aspirin and definitely alcohol.  But because of special interest groups and apathetic folks who don’t give a shit about other people’s rights are the cause of my inability to get a good supply of medical marijuana!  Meanwhile the conservative propaganda machine feeds the reds lies that they suck graciously for fuel to add to the fire!  What ever happened to common sense?

 

And because I smoke Marijuana and it works the pharm companies are loosing thousands of dollars a year from me, if that were to escalate then you can see why the pharm companies can’t let the truth get out.  The essence of the matter that should really motivate people to a proactive state is that we the people are not being listened to and the government does whatever the fuck it wants because we are so diversified and apathetic no one really gives a shit about anyone else even though they pay plenty of lip service to the opposite view.

 

When did we (Americans) become so fucking stupid, weak and pathetic that we need the government to dictate every little facet of our lives for us…the worse part about it is this is suppose to be the land of the free and brave, but all I see is apathy and stupidity.

 

Now I know there are beautiful people out there because I know some.  Some of you are, but you are the minority.  The world really is a big piece of shit and you know it!

 

The 50’s were the height of America and it’s been in decline ever since.  We created great technologies and conveniences, yet we still have to work harder (now the whole fucking family has to work) than we ever did, and instead of taking time off with the family and playing a game of scrabble, monopoly, etc.  We just fill it up with more meaningless shit and now we just do more without any reprieve or sanctuary!

 

My dream would be to see a million people grab their guns and flush out the pentagon and put regular people like you and me in office.  People of integrity who can’t fucking be bought out!  People who actually give a shit about family, small business, etc. and not just flapping their fucking gums!

 

The only thing keeping me from going out and murdering the judge that denied my disability for Marijuana is my little girl.  No is here to watch her and I can’t leave her alone during the day, but I am finding it harder not to justify his murder…after all it’s no problem for him to financial fuck my family while resting in his nice house with his French linen ~sighs~.  Why should he lose sleep over the possibility of my putting my next employer or fellow employee in ICU?  Instead I am thinking I should painfully kill him…slowly!  Don’t try and talk me out of it…I haven’t made that decision, but I can feel the tension building in the back of my mind like I am about to do something insanely stupid, and if I am going to do that then I am going to take out the problem not innocent people!

 

I don’t understand why all the Russians come here and get free food, medical, transportation, education, housing, etc. and my family who has paid our taxes for decades must now suffer in our own country.

 

I tried to renounce my citizenship.  Someone told me I could get help that way ~snickers~!  I looked at other countries and no one wants Americans in their country, why is that?  So every fucking aspect of my life is a catch 22.

 

As far as I can tell at this moment there is no God and no one to help my family, but dead I am worth $1000/month, which my wife and kids will get…isn’t that pathetic?  Alive the government says I am worth nothing even though I have been overtaxed for decades, but dead I am worth something, even if I did get my disability it would only be like $6-700/month, so basically I am not even worth as much alive the way the government looks at it ~grins~.

 

If there are in Taliban out there that want to give me a nuclear weapon I will gladly use it on Washington DC, and if you think I am the only one who thinks like this you are wrong!!!  This country/world is creating a volatile situation that will come to a boil by 2012 and the entire world will not be recognizable as it is today.

 

So I ask you to look at you grandchildren, your children, those you say you love…then look at them with bloody burnt bodies, or crying and starving for months before they die.  This is what you wrought from your apathy, selfishness, and inability for people to see though the illusions.  The media keeps sensationalizing and spewing out misinformation by the gross!  This nation will reap what it has sewn…

 

The media will keep you all focused on sex and infighting with gays and druggies while they secretly take control in the night as you sleep…passing felonious executive orders, laws…

 

Have any of you noticed we have been breaking records in the weather department?  800 fires started by a lightning storm in Northern California!  Record tornadoes this year already and its only summer.  I can’t wait to see what fall brings ~sighs~

 

It is time for all of you/us to stand up and fight the real enemy, and too not be fooled by the media…we can change this, but it will take great sacrifice and patriotism to restore this country back to its rightful state.

 

I hope you find some kind of solace/happiness/contentment in what will probably be the last 3.5 years of your lives…there will be gnashing of teeth, men will run to the mountains seeking death and shall not find it!

Well a lot has happened both good and bad since I last posted…but way more bad!

 

My 15-year-old boy Malachi had to have emergency gall bladder surgery.  This is after the emergency room sent him away three times at the cheap prices of $200 a pop.  We still have thousands of dollars to pay the hospitals back and that is with insurance we pay $300/month for!!!

 

My adopted mom went into the emergency room with gut pains they sent her home…two days later she went septic and almost died….she was in Intensive Care Unit for several weeks!!!

 

I have lost complete faith in the medical system we have in America…the only thing they care about is money whether it be cutting cost or denying needed tests!!!

 

I am not allowed to smoke pot for my Asthma…they say Asthma never goes away…well mine did when I started smoking pot ~laughs~.  They want to sale you Symbicort, which may cause an asthma related death!?!?  They gave my dad Vioxx that crippled him for the rest of his life putting the burden of much work upon my poor ole mum!

 

All fucking doctors must DIE!

 

At this time I got a blood clot, fortunately it was only a superficial one, so blood thinners and exercise, which I do already ~chuckles~.  They weren’t even going to run any test to see if it was my Deep Vein Thrombosis?!  Had it been I could have had an embolism and died ~throws his arms up in the air~.  Again why should some fucking doctor care I’m not anyone he gives a shit about!

 

Disability has seen fit to deny my claim once again, yet I know people out there who function just great in society and they get disability with a lot less physical and psychological implications than I possess!  There is no standard!!!

 

The first couple of days after my denial were iffy to say the least…I had to be babysat because everyone knew I would drain our bank account, buy a gun and kill that fucking piece of shit judge!!!

 

Why should he lose any sleep?  I wouldn’t have to work with him and possibly kill or hospitalize him, but he has no qualms about forcing me into the workplace knowing that I am easily prone to violence when stressed…luckily the last two bosses were quick enough to outrun me, but now that I have been doing aerobics and strength training for the last 9 months I am not so sure the next person will be able to get away ~sighs~.

 

I wrote a letter to Robin Meade of CNN Morning Express telling her what the hell has been going on.  I sure hope they send a new team out here to embarrass the shit out of our Disability department and their conceited arrogance from upon high!

 

So now my family, which has been suffering for over 3 years, has no end in sight!  We will continue to suffer, as soon as the kids are out of school I will get a part time job until someone stresses me out and I try to kill them.  I’m doing the best I can ~sighs~, but I can’t see my family suffering any longer!!!

 

The worse thing is if I had gotten Disability I could straight to work and make up to $800/month.  Why do you have to be desolate to work?!  Why can’t you work part time and then they could evaluate your work performance…why is our government a piece of flaming shit?!  I so want to get a gun and just start fucking killing the Rich, Politicians, Religions, doctors, and many others!

 

I am worth $1000/month dead, but nothing financially alive…I can no longer provide for my family, which causes even more stress, so I have been raging in my berserker rage!!!  I know I am about to do something very stupid, so if I do I want you to scream out my story!!!

 

I have so lost my faith in God and humanity at this point I don’t even care about the future ~cries~ anymore!  All I can feel is hate, hopelessness, and generally rage, which I want to take out on humanity!!!

 

Today I am severely depressed and see no way out of this pit!

Hi Guys,

 

My life is becoming very full and busy.  I am on the board of directors for NORML now, I got my two hours of working out in the morning, kids to get off to school, a house to clean, many other things, so I am taking some time off of blogging.

 

Those who wish to talk to me can do so at OccultPizza@comcast.net

 

Until we meet again ~smiles~

 

I love you all!

 

Reverend Adam

 

Well I am already hearing and seeing stuff about the woes of money and Christmas!  I know it’s been very hard for us the last 3 years as I battle the very government that I have poured money into for 20+ years!  There have been times that we have not had any money at all for Christmas, but still we borrow, scrape and hope that we make it, at least for the kids ~smiles~.

 

There have been times in this last 3 years that we have no had food in the cupboards or fridge.  I can think of a time a couple weeks ago when it was getting very low.  The point is the vast majority of us struggle from the middle-middle class down to those of poverty!

 

A mandate has come down from the World Trade Organization telling us we need to spend more money to get our economy going?!?!  Fuck you!!!  I hate when multimillion dollar CEO’s and power brokers tell me I need to buy fucking more useless materialistic shit so they can make their 155’ yacht payments!!!

 

In order for the “New World Order” to come we must first destroy the illusion of media and the economy!  We all break our backs and are told how much we are worth while those at the top of the food chain dictate how many millions of dollars they get for a bonus off the backs of these workers, whether they be decently paid American or impoverished communist sweatshop workers!

 

Christ is concerned.  Christ says this year instead of buying 100’s of dollars in presents (with the exception of the children, big J really loves the kids!) and putting yourself in debt for the next 6 months you can do one of two things:

 

1)     Get a karaoke machine and some Christmas CD’s, call your family and friends over and drink warm apple cider and just enjoy the love and sincerity that you should all really have for each other.  Don’t spend your money on materialist garbage!

2)     If you have a disposable income (WOW! That must be nice) then whatever you are going to spend in the adult sector, take that money and donate it to a worthy charity that actually gets the money to the people who need it and not lost in the CEO’s of the so called non profit organizations!  Jesus would be very happy with you if you did this instead, and if you really want to get on God’s good side this Xmas then do it anonymously!!!  Then you shall truly be rewarded.

 

Until we all stop buying into the illusion that is our crumbling economy is somehow working great.  We shall always be slaves to the system!!!  You cannot have 2 masters!  You either despise one (Mammon = Money) or love the other (Holy Ghost).

 

For those who aren’t specifically Christian, yet still celebrate the religious holidays of Solstice, Hanukah, etc, you can help too because your values and principles are exactly the same, only they fall under another name for God.  A benign religion is a benign religion, so the “Good” side wants to see everyone make a new tradition, one that tells the elite rich we aren’t buying into their bullshit anymore!!!  Let the economy crumble!  It is the only way will can create a better system, as long as this one is intact there will never be equality or peace.  It will always be a two-tiered system!

 

Of course with the exception of me, I know that nothing will change, so our world is still doomed and after 2/3rds of the world is destroyed I guess we (whoever is alive) can pick up the pieces and enjoy their 1000 years of struggle, but with peace, as for me I gather my treasures in Heaven.

 

Love,

Reverend Adam

I would like to say thank you too:

My father (Edward Summerhill CPO NAVY and Vietnam Vet with Task Force 116)

My Grandpa Aguirre (is dead, but WWII Army)

My Uncle James (WWII Army/CB’s)

My friend Stephen (Army Calvary Scout 19D Iraq “was in the shit”)

My Arch Nemesis Jack Osilka (he’s a republican ~chuckles~)

My friend Korean Dan (just finished tour in Iraq “transport” 88H)

 

To all of those who are, will be, or have been in the military, and/or fought for the freedom of individuals who would not, or could not do it for themselves.  We owe you the greatest debt of gratitude that cannot be embraced by mere words!

 

Jesus said through God on the Sermon on the Mount:

 

“It has been said by them of old that thou shalt love they brother and hate thine enemy, but I say unto that thou shalt love thine enemies and do good to those who hate, despise and persecute you”

 

This statement says that all who fight are not in the favor of the Holy Ghost, well I say that I too will join you in Hell, if that be our end!  I cannot turn the other cheek not matter how I try.  I cannot tolerate injustice and abusive authority.  I will gladly go to Hell if it ensures the personal freedoms and religions of all who desire and seek it!!!

 

The Marines have a saying, “Good Marines never die, they just go to Hell and regroup!” Hooorah! ~cheers~

 

I could never dislike or hate another person who would pay the ultimate sacrifice for my freedom whether voluntarily or involuntarily!!!  However, I can hate our administration.  I think if they really want to go to war they should go first ~grins~, or their children should go first!

 

I love peace, I love Jesus, but I will not let anyone violate our personal freedoms, as do those dieing on the battlefield protect yours and my personal freedoms with their very lives!!!  They even march on to free those who don’t believe in our values, and those who would kill them as they try and protect!!!

 

I would like those to pray, light candles, whatever it is your do in perspective benign religion ~smiles~ for our boys and girls who are paying the ultimate sacrifice in a foreign land…and eventually in our own land ~sighs~ in the coming years.  Let us pray that they come home safely and not too psychologically fucked up!!! I thank you from the bottom of my heart and hope the God’s speed will end this disunity and bring you all back to the ones that truly love you!!!

 

Love,

Reverend Adam

 

This song is dedicated to abuse of these great veterans at the hands of greedy politicians who are separated from God!!!  This is not a dis to our awesome vets, but a dis to the evil that sends them to war while their children live safe in the lap of luxury…FUCK YOU BUSH ADMINISTRATION!!!

 

Disposable Heroes

Bodies fill the fields I see, hungry heroes end
No one to play soldier now, no one to pretend
running blind through killing fields, bred to kill them all
Victim of what said should be
a servant `til I fall

Soldier boy, made of clay
now an empty shell
twenty one, only son
but he served us well
Bred to kill, not to care
just do as we say
finished here, Greeting Death
he's yours to take away

Back to the front
you will do what I say, when I say
Back to the front
you will die when I say, you must die
Back to the front
you coward
you servant
you blindman

Barking of machinegun fire, does nothing to me now
sounding of the clock that ticks, get used to it somehow
More a man, more stripes you wear, glory seeker trends
bodies fill the fields I see
the slaughter never ends

Soldier boy, made of clay
now an empty shell
twenty one, only son
but he served us well
Bred to kill, not to care
just do as we say
finished here, Greeting Death
he's yours to take away

Back to the front
you will do what I say, when I say
Back to the front
you will die when I say, you must die
Back to the front
you coward
you servant
you blindman

Why, Am I dying?
Kill, have no fear
Lie, live off lying
Hell, Hell is here

I was born for dying

Life planned out before my birth, nothing could I say
had no chance to see myself, molded day by day
Looking back I realize, nothing have I done
left to die with only friend
Alone I clench my gun

Soldier boy, made of clay
now an empty shell
twenty one, only son
but he served us well
Bred to kill, not to care
just do as we say
finished here, Greeting Death
he's yours to take away

Back to the front
you will do what I say, when I say
Back to the front
you will die when I say, you must die
Back to the front
you coward
you servant
you blindman

Back to the front.

Well it’s November 7^th, which means its Julie and My anniversary.  We have been married 15 years! ~cheers~.  It has been a long road but getting easier all the time ~smiles~.

 

I met Julie at McDonalds back in 1988 or 89’ I can’t remember.  She was the most beautiful and bubbly blonde in the store.  This other guy was after her at the same time I was, but she wanted me.

 

We had a whirlwind romance for two years.  You would have thought she would have known then that I was crazy, but I think perhaps she liked crazy, as she was born and raised in a very steadfast evangelical household, so I was her craziness, she felt the rush of rebellion from me.

 

She actually got pregnant before we got married ~blushes~.  I’m a fornicator! ~snickers~, or was at least at one time.  My mom told me I had better marry her, so I told my mom hell no!  I ain’t gonna marry someone just because they are pregnant, but I thought it over long and hard for a few months and decided she was the one.  Many women through time had tried to rope me down into marriage and were incapable of it, as I am truly a free spirit!

 

We both worked at McDonalds and she eventually became manager.  Well I almost killed my boss there, so I moved to Burger King where I became management almost overnight.

 

This whole time I had an IV meth addiction that my wife had no clue about.  She was not raised around drugs and did not understand the symptoms of them.  She was totally oblivious, which was perfect! ~snickers~.

 

Nothing had changed after Malachi was born.  I continued to drink daily until drunk, smoke pot, and shoot meth to start over the drinking again.  It is all I had known from my teenage life, plus I had worked for the government in a very dark capacity, which still causes mental illness to this day!

 

I was always in trouble for partying and making noise, but the managers feared me and my bros’ because they knew without a doubt we would kill them if they called the cops, so we never had the cops come over regardless of how disrespectful we were.

 

As you can imagine, this was not how my wife was raised, nor did she understand our barbaric/Nordic ways of taking what we wanted when we wanted and not caring about anyone or anything that got in the way.

 

I tired of working at dead end jobs and started going to college to get my Computer Science Degree, well after my first year I met up with a guy named Tim Beal who was wealthy because his parents owned and operated a prosthetic clinic.  He was selling pot on the side to make ends meet for college, so I was selling a ¼ pound a day for him with little problem.  I started coaxing him into the meth arena.  He had already been addicted to hard drugs, so he was reluctant to enter the playing field.

 

Well as you can imagine within a year we were driving a Lexus and going to Yakima 2-3 times a week to show the illegal Mexicans and drug addicts how to make meth, and/or buy depending on the circumstances.  I was the official drug tester and crazy bodyguard for Tim.  Tim went crazy on the meth and shot up someone’s house over $90, so the cops came and arrested him, took the Lexus and that was that I was at the bottom of the pile again!

 

Many of you know I use to work on a lab in Lakeside, California, so I had been on top before with women, motorcycles, guns, etc.  This was like the 5^th time I had risen and fallen again.

 

We had moved to Julie’s dad’s trailer in the valley.  I was working with some local bikers here in the valley and a guy named Spiderman that I had met at our old place.  One day he up and disappeared with a lot of biker money!  The first place they went was to my bro Mike’s house and Ted was there (we were called the brothers) and told the bikers that if they messed with me they would all be dead.  Ted was at the lab in San Diego when we were trained by School of the Americas, so he knew ~snickers~.  But his threats just exacerbated the situation and they came to our trailer.

My son was sitting in the house watching TV in a poopy diaper as he did every day while I sat at the kitchen sink shooting up my speed!  Everyone rolls up on the lawn with guns drawn, so of course my Springfield .45 was out and aimed at one of them.  I thought for sure I was dead this day, but we talked a mean talk I forked over Spiderman’s car and they were happy with the interest at that time, fortunately for us Spiderman came back.  The people he was dealing with for such a large amount kept him around tied up for a few days to ensure they didn’t need to kill him for being a narcotic officer.  I was happy to see him so we got High on speed and gave the biker’s there due!

 

A few weeks later I was trying too off a gun some bitch stole and gave to my bro Ted.  He had put it under the passenger side of my truck and I was tired of worrying about when the cops would pull me over and find it, so I was going to sell it.  It turned out to belong to this one biker’s dad, so I inadvertently walked into a room with guns pointed at my head!  I didn’t know fear (which is pretty stupid), so I explained to them where the gun had come from, luckily my story matched up with their assumptions.  What is really weird is after they figured out I was to be respected they wanted proof I wasn’t a cop, so we attacked someone’s compound and thrashed some people really good.  It was because this girl was wronged, so we went over then and held this guy down after pummeling everyone else at gunpoint and let her spray him in the face and balls with mace!

 

I ended up becoming really good friends with the guy that was sprayed later down the road, but then something happened to me.

 

One day as I sat there my son (who was two) was watching cartoons when I developed a conscious. I think it was after my 4^th or 5^th minor heart attack from speed overdose.  I can’t tell you how much a conscious sucked because that meant I could no longer continue with what I was doing, so I checked into rehab.  This whole time my wife worked, and I didn’t work for about two years.  I was making money, but when things fell apart it was rough!  I was broke and hustling to get the dope I so desperately thought I needed!

 

I tried to get into a state funded rehab and they sent me to Renton, Washington and then said I had to go back because they didn’t have a detox facility and said I needed to be off drugs for 72 hours.  I started screaming and telling them if I could quit for 72 hours I sure as hell wouldn’t need their fucking place!  To no avail I was sent back to Spokane, but my wife was a manager at McDonalds now and could get me into a very posh treatment center in Bothell, so I was there for 6 weeks in a rigorous program of exercise, education, abstinence, and AA/NA meetings.

 

I went to meetings and involved myself in Narcotics Anonymous with a fervor.  I was in the political aspect of it, as well as an officer for recreations. The first spent cleaning out my system because all I could do when I quit speed was sleep all the time ~sighs~.  I developed my conscious while I was clean for almost 6 years.  I was told when I first came in that if you go out before 5 years you will kill a perfect stranger and I didn’t want to do that!

 

We lived next door to Julie’s parents for a couple years, but then the old lady that owned the house died, so her greedy evil sister that no one ever saw kicked us out and sold it.  I was going in for my first operation on my leg to stop the blood clots and bleeding.  It was the largest vein in my left leg running from my ankle to my balls!

 

We had to move in with Julie’s parents because I could not work after the surgery.  I stood all day sewing boots in White’s boot factory and I couldn’t stand for at least 6 weeks.  We originally intended to stay with her parents for a year, but it ended up being 3 years until we got our finances under control to move out.  This is where we are living now for the last three years.

 

Julie is a workhorse and gets her ethics from her dad who worked 2 jobs for over 22 years.  He worked at a semi-trailer company and then he had his own damp proofing business.  My dad was much the same way worked all day and studied at college all night.  It is so weird how two people can turn out so differently even though their family environments are very much the same minus the Jesus factor.

 

While we are at Julie’s parents house we almost go divorced around year 7 of our marriage.  I was on my way to being terminal and had several chronic problems, as well as the worst ones..my psychological problems that I have hid from everyone and covered up with physical problems.

 

You see I have always lived a life that allowed my psychological maladjustments to flourish, but now I am going to church and living in a society where those things aren’t acceptable.  I pray for help, but have yet to receive it after almost killing my last two bosses and various other people who piss me off in my daily life, so I have learned to isolate myself, which has its own set of ramifications to resolve.

 

Now everything is in the open, my psychologist, my wife, and now you know all my psychological disorders that I have tried to covet for years and years.  I find the human mind a most amazing thing, especially how it can bullshit us and coerce us to live in what most would deem insanity.

 

I could go into what happened at the lab, and I believe I have touched on it in a few blogs, but I don’t really want the FBI, DEA, and other unscrupulous dark forces behind our government to kill me (or arrest me) when I want to live now!

 

Julie has been like a rock through all of this, not too say we haven’t been in some major fights.  She has seen my Explosive Rage Disorder on more than one occasion.  I just thank God that my core programming doesn’t allow me to hurt the ones I love!  But it doesn’t stop me from doing hundreds of dollars in damage to inanimate objects around me.

 

I have my SSI hearing December 6^th and am hoping they understand that if they force me back into the work force I am not accountable for my actions as diagnosed by my psychs’  In the past when I know a psychotic episode is coming I quit my job or call in sick, but the ones I don’t see coming and I black out on.  They are the scariest, because I wake up and don’t know what I have done!

 

My lawyer and doctor said I am no longer terminal.  That my progressive Deep Vein Thrombosis is no longer deteriorating, nor have I had renal failure in the last year or so.  My immune system still sucks butt, however with my continued diet, exercise and weightlifting I foresee many of them becoming less of a threat too me.  I can only assume that either myself (unknowingly through a paradigm shift of spirituality) or God have miraculously given me a second chance thus far, and I don’t intend to waste a single second of it.  I am already talking to my boy Malachi about starting snowboarding as soon as I get down to weight.  I am suppose to go on a backpacking trip this next summer, the one that almost killed me last time!  I will win this time!  I want to start parachuting and mt. Climbing!  I want to spoil my grandchildren rotten with ice cream in place of lunch and give them loud obnoxious toys!  I WANT TO LIVE!!!

 

Basically, this is a testament of sainthood to my wife!!!  Without her I would be dead, as my mother and father know, so do I.  She has saved me from a life of decadence, prison and death!!!  She has been here for me whether we were fighting or getting along.  She has remained with me even when I tried to drive her away because I was afraid to live the normal life I have now!!!  She was Jesus and God until the real Holy Spirit could enter my soul!!!  She is a saint and deserves God’s grace just for what I have put her through here on this planet!!!

 

I love you baby!!!  Thank you for putting up with me for 15 years!  I wouldn’t be here without your stubborn tenacity!!!

 

Reverend Adam

I started up my hydration process 5 days ago.  I have to drink 158oz of water daily.  The first couple of days it was rough.  It took me about 12 hours to finish 4 32oz bottles of water.  Today, I can drink those before 3 pm ~smiles~.

 

I have been using ice water that your body must convert to a warm state.  This burns about 100 calories per 32oz bottle of ice water.  I have been losing at least a pound a day lately.  I have been building muscle which raises the metabolism, aerobics which raises metabolism for 72 hours and then the iced water, so I am losing around 1000 calories a day with very little effort ~smiles~.

 

I didn’t realize how important water was to our systems and how the lack of proper hydration is directly responsible for certain gastro-intestinal and colon cancers!  I knew it must be important because our bodies are like 85% water, so it would only make sense.  But when I started reading about how important water is for the absorption and transportation of vital vitamins and essential basics for life, I right away started the process.

 

I was lazy this morning.  I have been sick and this morning I had a horrendous sinus pressure headache, so I just did one set of my exercises and then did my aerobics, even though I need to work my leg muscles I don’t worry about them too much as they use to carry my 365lb fat ass around, so they are very strong ~smiles~.

 

I have been studying the art of anointing oils as prescribed in Exodus and man is it controversial.  The sad thing is the church has no leg to stand on in this argument! ~smiles~  The truth will be known.

 

In Exodus the making of anointing oils calls for 250 shekels of  Calamus, many argue that in the Torah it uses the word Keinenbosm, which is Kaneh-Bosom, this would be Marijuana.  In fact the University of Israel in 1980 conceded that it was probably Marijuana in its strongest hallucinogenic form that was in this anointing oil.

 

Here is the kicker, if you want to believe the Bible is pure and that it is Calamus as said in Exodus, then you are in for a real shocker because Calamus is a very intoxicating hallucinogenic!!!  This anointing oil was only allowed to be used by the Priesthood until Saul became a king, whereby he was anointed.  If you remember the story correctly Saul was anointed and sent into the wilderness.  The next time they saw Saul he was in the wilderness naked laying in the fetal position shaking!  Hmmm bad trip, or perhaps God showed him something about himself he didn’t want to see ~smiles~.

 

The Methodist and Presbyterian churches have already adopted Marijuana, not as sacraments, but they no longer run people off who do it within their church ~smiles~.  That is refreshing to see true Christian values in a church ~smiles~.

 

Having taken many different types of hallucinogenics (always to expand the mind) I can tell you that you definitely receive a religious/spiritual and divine experience.  I know most people I hung around with did it for purely recreational purposes to see hallucinations and laugh.  At the very least once you take a true hallucinogenic you life is never the same from that day forward!

 

I have spent many hours researching this, and thanks to others perseverance and time it made mine a tad bit easier in this subject, if you have any doubt I suggest you look the words up and the holy scripture ~smiles~.

 

I am often amazed when I go to churches.  The majority of the time I wonder if they ever even read their own Bible ~laughs~  I mean very few churches practice true Baptism (by anointment) or even meditate today!  Jesus and Buddha meditate constantly and it is often written about in their Holy Scriptures!  Yet two of the most important things for being in sync with God have been thrown out of the modern day church.

 

I can see why people would want to be in the Christian Church.  I mean you can go screw up all week, blame it on the human factor, then you can come in and ask for forgiveness and have it all just go away, man that must be nice!  And basically all they do at most churches today is just sing, praise, pray and give lip service.  It’s more of a meat market/ social fellowship today ~smiles~.

 

Don’t get me wrong I am a Christian as much as that label makes me want to puke!  Because of they’re disreputable and hypocritical past!

 

It just seems like most Christians only help their own kind, but Jesus said if you help your own kind what rewards have ye?  Even the publicans do that!  My wife’s church has been studying this book called “walk across the room.”  It is funny when a church is so bloated with fundamentalism that it can’t follow the simple dictates of Matthew 5-7.  I guess people would get bored and stop going to church if the only thing they read was Jesus’s words (the words of God), but I can’t see how, especially if fellowship is so important.

 

My wife says I just have an innate ability to understand the Bible where others cannot.  That just sounds like the Devil trying to pump me full of myself so I will become blind and deaf ~smiles~.  The devil’s favorite sin is “vanity”!

 

It took a long time for anyone at my wife’s church to even look at me ~chuckles~.  It is like they live in fear when Jesus said fear not for your life, shelter, clothes, food, etc.  because if you live the principles then you have nothing to fear.  FEAR = lack of faith!  To truly accept God/faith (regardless of your faith) is to expulse fear through the knowledge and faith that everything will be as promised!

 

The church seems to be slowly heading into the right direction.  I am not sure how much time we all have here.  I would say the majority of us have less than 5 years to get our shit together ~smiles~.

 

I also hear evangelical uttering of turning Muslims, Jews, etc. to Christ.  If you are a good enough example and people can see your faith working in your life then it is their responsibility to ask you how you do it!  I know it says to preach the gospel to every creature, but what it means is:  It is like a plate of cookies that you pass around to everyone, those who want the cookies take them, if someone doesn’t want what you are offering them move on!!!  You can’t ram it down their throats ~smiles~.

 

I always tell people I don’t care if you’re a Wiccan, Buddhist, Wizard, atheist, etc.  If you are a good person and the fruit of tree is not corrupt then I am glad to have you as a neighbor.  I will never try and convert you, as I only wish to be your friend! ~smiles~.  I figure if someone wants to be what I am they know where to find me and how to ask ~smiles~.

 

What was Jesus Christ’s name before he was Jesus?  Christ means "messiah" in Hebrew and translated into English it means "anointed one", so his last name could not have been Christ.  Does anyone remember? Or know? ~smiles~, or did they name him based on the testament of the wise men and their prophecies?  Awesome, something new to look up and study!!!

 

I hope you are all doing well in your endeavors.  I’d like us all to send out a special prayer to “G” as she is struggling more than she lets on ~smiles~.  Light a candle, pray to Christ, the Goddess, do whatever it is you do to send good energies ~smiles~ her way…

 

 

Hmmm, it’s starting to sound like we will be launching an attack against Iran at any time!  This will of course launch WW III, surely the war to end all wars ~sighs~.  They are doing this on the premise that Iran is making WMD’s.  Is it just me or does this sound like the same old tired song and dance we heard about Iraq, and I still have never seen a WMD even though the leaders of the administration swore on it!  Maybe Iran is making a nuclear weapon?  I just can’t trust my government anymore ~sighs~.

 

Does anyone ever remember what started all this shit?  Oh yeah!  It was Osama Bin Laden!  How come we can find a child molester in a 3^rd world country with millions of people that are thousands of miles away, but we can’t find this David Koresh Wacko Laden?  Hmmm, I think it’s all part of the big plan! ~snickers~  Oh well on to something happier and more beneficial than hate and war!

 

I got my scale today.  Man is it nice!  It sends little electric impulses into your body and figures out hydration, BMI, fat %, etc.  I had to program it for my wife and I.  I am 148, so I have broken the 350lb barrier, also I finally moved up on my Bicep curls ~cheers~.

 

I had to go out searching for information on the Internet on how often to weigh yourself and man is there a plethora of information out there on that!  The majority of them say to weigh weekly so they don’t depress themselves without understanding muscle weight, hydration, etc.

 

I found one article that said women should only do it once a month and within a few days of their period.  Women have a much harder time losing weight because they lack the testosterone to build really massive muscles and their other hormones and biological functions cause a huge spectrum of weight loss and gain, so it tends to discourage women more.

 

I finally found and article from a magazine that made since to me and it was backed by an 1,800-person study.  He said it was a matter of personal choice, however a study at some Midwest university (stoned I just forgot ~chuckles~) said that the daily group lost more weight over all in a 2 year study, and they lost it faster.  The most important thing for a daily weigh is for the person to weigh himself or herself when they wake up at the same time every day.  Some people even weigh in twice to ensure their hydration level is high enough ~smiles~.  That seems a little obsessive even too me ~snickers~.

 

My hydration level was 41% and it needs to be 55%, which will add a few pounds of water.  I have been power walking 30 minutes a day and I’ll keep and eye on the scale if it doesn’t move in a week or so I may bump my aerobics up to 60 minutes.  If you think about it, that is a lot of time in one day, especially considering my work out is 30-60 daily, depending on what day and what muscle group I am working out.  I realize people most people don’t have two hours a day to devote to working out ~smiles~.  That is a lot of time, hence the reason I get up at 5am.  However, it is not necessary to workout that long.  You only have to do one set of each exercise; just make sure you fatigue your muscle really good!  You can cut your workout down to 20-30 minutes.  I am working to build mass muscle though, so I tend to do several sets of fatigue to ensure the muscle breakdown.

 

So I will be weighing in daily, that way I can ensure that my hydration level is right ~smiles~ or at least have an idea what it needs to be ~smiles~.

 

Keep on keeping on all!